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Feel like it will never happen

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Update - polyp is gone!!

I felt really well afterwards. When the surgeon came round to review afterwards she actually said 'you don't look like someone who's just had surgery!' haha. I wasn't sick at all which is always a bit of a victory for me!

Still a bit of bleeding but barely any cramping now.

I've got a new wave of positivity though as it was more difficult to remove than the initially thought from the scan so general anaesthetic was definitely the way to go. Also it was positioned very awkwardly near a fallopian tube so even though the HSG was normal, it feels like anything that would have come out of that tube wouldn't have had a hope of implanting.

Me and OH have had a long chat and we're both keen to keep trying naturally for another 6 months then review it again. It just feels so good that after everything has healed we have now got a clean bill of fertility health :dance: It's been such a battle over about 9 month from seeing the GP which doesn't include all the time it took to get me ovulating in the first place due to the high prolactin.

I know it doesn't mean we'll do it but at least we will feel we've done everything we can.
 
That's brilliant Moomingirl! Great that your chances of implantation have gone up. So glad you feel ok and have a clean bill of health! We are trying to do it naturally too. Good luck! x
 
They were always a bit vague about whether it was ever affecting implantation mainly because if I understand correctly it can be quite difficult to tell from an ultrasound and they don't really know what they're dealing with til they're actually in there. Everything else looked normal in there which we were expecting.

After it was done the gynaecologist seemed more hopeful that it could have been contributing to out issues. Obviously no guarantees. She knows I'm keen for natural conception (I'm only 30 so I've still got time to play with) and did suggest we give it a bit longer. I don't need telling twice as the fertility doctor was so aggressive about how hopeless our chances are that I'm dying to prove a point!
 
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MoominGirl said:
They were always a bit vague about whether it was ever affecting implantation mainly because if I understand correctly it can be quite difficult to tell from an ultrasound and they don't really know what they're dealing with til they're actually in there. Everything else looked normal in there which we were expecting.

After it was done the gynaecologist seemed more hopeful that it could have been contributing to out issues. Obviously no guarantees. She knows I'm keen for natural conception (I'm only 30 so I've still got time to play with) and did suggest we give it a bit longer. I don't need telling twice as the fertility doctor was so aggressive about how hopeless our chances are that I'm dying to prove a point!
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That's great! Why on earth is your fertility doctor so negative?!
 
I have no idea. It was truly the worst experience I've ever had with a doctor. If it comes to IVF, we will be going to another clinic. OHs sperm motility was a little low in his initial sample and she basically clung on to this as a reason why it would be impossible for us to conceive naturally even though we knew the polyp was there. We tried so many times to try and understand her rationale but she just kept cutting across us and dodging questions. It really felt like she was on commission and if it wasn't for the polyp, I'm almost certain she would have tried to push us into starting asap. The problem now is that I have so little faith in fertility clinics due to that appointment which I know is wrong but it really was such an awful experience. I know it wasn't a normal experience but it's all I have to compare to. Hopefully it won't come to that after all.
 
That's ridiculous - sperm quality can be improved. I guess if it's a private clinic they want you to pay for their services and procedures...or was it NHS? There's so much you can do with diet and lifestyle but the medical world doesn't seem to acknowledge that.
 
I can see why you'd think it was a private clinic but it was actually NHS. My theory is the quicker they get us to use up our free cycle (that's all we get in my area), the quicker we become private patients. Clearly I am very cynical haha.

We have already found from our own experience that sperm can be improved but she was quick to tell us that wouldn't happen either.

Now I just need to try and be positive and hope it's been the problem all along. Though may be counting myself out already for this cycle as I'm still bleeding and go away without OH at the weekend. We'll see.
 
Wow, the NHS can be a bit narrow-minded...when I had gyno problems a few years ago, they wanted to put me on artificial hormones but I just changed my diet, lost weight, and the problem sorted itself out. The specialist was very surprised. I think they are used to people just taking instructions, following the protocols and taking the pills.
 
The specialist we saw was incredibly narrow minded it was shocking. I'm so glad of the polyp in a way as it meant I was seen under gynaecology separately. I'm so thankful that the gynaecologist was totally on my wavelength and was happy to refer me for the tests that the fertility clinic refused and also isn't trying to sell me anything!!

I think also that difficulty conceiving is such an emotional time and couples can become very vulnerable. With the aggressive attitude we got at the clinic, I can see why couples would feel like they had no other option. I'm glad my instincts were still screaming at me that the advice just felt wrong for us.
 
Blahhhh.... this ttc can really be draining. Endless lists of waiting. Xxx
 
I'm having a no day today sorry for moaning xxx
 
so sorry Liz, I'm always having a no day atm
love a good moan !

hope we all get there in the end

just think how special your little one will be when it happens xx
 
Thanks Millie. It's hard to stay optimistic isn't it sometimes. There are so many people having babies ATM I just wish it was me aswell. But we will get there. Holding our wee bundle of joy in our arms. Can't wait for that day to come xxx
 
Some days it really is hard to stay upbeat (and sane!!). I find I just have days where my mood is crap and there's no cheering me up til I decide it's time to shake myself out of it!! OH has now accepted that avoiding my at these times is the way to go and can now recognise the signs a mile off!!

As I'm in a more positive place at the moment (for how long who knows), I like to think that we'll be so much more grateful when the time finally comes. Also, I will never ever ask someone I barely know when they're having children like it's making a restaurant reservation!! That is actually one of the things I find hardest. I find myself making lame responses and then changing the subject when all I want to do is flip out!!! Sadly flipping out means admitting we're having problems and that's none of their damn business!! Anyway, rant over but definitely a lesson learned.
 
MoominGirl said:
Some days it really is hard to stay upbeat (and sane!!). I find I just have days where my mood is crap and there's no cheering me up til I decide it's time to shake myself out of it!! OH has now accepted that avoiding my at these times is the way to go and can now recognise the signs a mile off!!

As I'm in a more positive place at the moment (for how long who knows), I like to think that we'll be so much more grateful when the time finally comes. Also, I will never ever ask someone I barely know when they're having children like it's making a restaurant reservation!! That is actually one of the things I find hardest. I find myself making lame responses and then changing the subject when all I want to do is flip out!!! Sadly flipping out means admitting we're having problems and that's none of their damn business!! Anyway, rant over but definitely a lesson learned.
Click to expand...
Oh it's the worst when people ask stuff. I used to get it so much. Started to get it again too off people I don't even know that well who know of our struggles to have our first. grr.( I ended up sharing it on a blog I wrote on Facebook in the end as I got so fed up of people asking when we would have a baby lol) xxx

Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk
 
Thanks for posting millielaura. Everything you said is so true. Hats off to you for posting so publicly as well.

I was at work a couple of weeks ago and it was just me and a perfectly nice colleague left in the department and she suddenly started grilling me about our family plans and just didn't seem to take the hint. I don't know how I stayed polite. I think it's just my need for my own privacy that stopped me from having a complete meltdown!! She's perfectly lovely but she's younger than me with 3 children that I can only assume we're popped out at will and as a result has absolutely no concept of the idea that it might be difficult for some people. Unfortunately those who haven't gone through it just don't understand.

I think what gets me is the fact that me and OH have been together for 10 years and married nearly 4. Just the 2 of us live in a 3 bed house which we bought 3 years ago. Really there's only 4 scenarios that we can possibly fit into:
1 we're one of the few couples that don't want children
2 he's ready and I'm not and it's a problem
3 I'm ready and he's not and it's a problem
4 we're both ready, have been for a while, have been putting everything we have into making this happen and have been faced with more emotionally draining hurdles than we ever imagined

Which one seems most likely?! Not that it's anyone's business!!!

That was basically the rant that I screamed near poor OH when I got in that night. He almost tried to calm me down but I stopped him as I just needed to get it out!!
 
I find it difficult answering peoples questions. I just say it will happen when it happens. It makes me realise a lot of people are not aware of fertility problems. I never ask people now knowing what im going through xxx
 
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