Feel guilty writing this but here goes.....

[Katied1]

I have been with my partner nearly 3 years and I love him with my all, as I know he does me. My problem is when it comes to having sex it always seems to be me that instigates it, and it's always at the same time ( after I've had a bath I wait in the bedroom while he has one). I told him a while back that I didn't feel like he made an effort with me anymore but everything is still the same. He has had a little problem with keeping his erection
On a few occasions, and I know this has knocked his confidence, but I just feel so deflated ( excuse the pun!) over the whole thing!! Even more so now we are TTC

 

[BabyBrain]

Is there anything else stressing him out hun, work or family stuff? When we started ttc many moons ago I found that sometimes it was just worth having a cuddle. The crunch came for me when my OH actually booked himself a day off from sex and declared that he wasn't a piece of meat lol. I realised that I was putting him under so much pressure. For the rest of the month we didn't have sex, just lots of cuddles and he seemed much better after that.

I think sometimes a month of no sex and ttc can make all the difference. It's very easy to beome a bit clinical and demanding about it all and forget why we want that particular man's baby in the first place xxxxxxxx

 

[Katied1]

I don't think the issue us with TTC as this is only our first proper month if trying using the CBFM. I just feel sometimes like it wouldn't bother him if we never have sex

 

[CARNAT22]

Is he willing to discuss it at all? Or is he doing the bloke thing and insisting it's fine?

Has this always been an issue between you?

TTC, even if it is month one, is a lot of pressure.

I remember "banning" OH from going out unless he had sex with beforehand as it was a fertile day - he was literally dressed and heading out.... (not one of my finer moments I must admit)

You def need to have a chat with him though, tell him how you feel

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Katied1]

We had a chat last week, I ended up
In floods of tears saying that he didn't make an effort, we have both been off this week but I've had AF so couldn't do anything x

 

[LouiseB]

Have you talked about his erection problem though? How do you react when it happens?

If you can imagine that sex is the thing that exposes him to a lot of shame, it's no wonder that he avoids it.

By making it about you being hurt, it's just going to make him even more ashamed... he isn't only failing as a lover but he's now also failing as a partner too.

I think you need to address the issue. Get him some viagra or maybe one of those cock rings? I dunno, but talk to him about HIS problem, and not yours xx

 

[Katied1]

We have spoke about it but he does find it hard talking about things like this. I'm quite a insecure person and tend to think its due to him not finding me a turn on anymore as to why this is happening. I mentioned him about Viagra but he doesn't feel comfortable going to his doctor about it. I June I need to be more understanding but it can be quite upsetting. Thanks for all your responses though, it's nice to get others views on it xxx

 

[Pippa1703]

You might not need gp bab. My OH uses tamagra. It's like Viagra, you buy it online either in pill or jelly form, different fruity flavors. He takes a quarter/half of a pill/sachet if he's horny but had a lot to drink, (brewers droop!) works a treat!!


If you can talk about the problem, you're a lot more likely to fix it. It won't be anything to do with him finding you unattractive, I can assure you!! That's alwYs the first and wrong assumption us women make.

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

Sounds like he's feeling a lot of pressure right now! How long have you been TTC in total? I think a good, calm chat about both of your expectations from TTC would help - things like whether he expected this process to be easier/shorter, whether he feels using the fertility monitor is too clinical etc and how you both feel about where you are in your TTC journey right now, would help.

 

[Sparty]

As a guy I know a lot of mates who have been in similar situations. The deal is that those couple of times he couldn't perform have blown out of proportion in his head. Now he has put himself under so much pressure by leaving the situation to boil over without talking about it that he can't bring himself to even think about getting it on.

I suggest not talking about it for a week or so, just be affectionate and cuddly. Make him know that you still love him even if you arent having sex and in time he will get his confidence back. Theres nothing worse than being stuck in a catch 22 and your partner adding more stress onto the situation.

 

[Pippa1703]

Very well said sparty, it's really nice to get the blokes point of view it's typical situation really. Man worried about being manly enough, woman not thinking she's woman enough! I'd take spartys advice though

 

[Froslass]

Hey love, just wondering, is your OH on any mess for anything? Does he suffer with stress, anxiety or depression? Xx

 

[Katied1]

No not that I'm aware of x