right here goes

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by paiges_mummy, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. paiges_mummy

    paiges_mummy Well-Known Member

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    Ive been with my partner for 5 years next month.................


    Im expecting his 2nd baby in 4 weeks time, nothing has been done etc ive got a wardrobe, changing unit and cot that needs putting together... bare in mind we do have a 3 year old aswell..
    my partner has got 2 boys from a previous relationship, there 9 and 12... they only come here at weekends as they live with there mum..
    we live in a 3 bedroom house, ok its small but its still got 3 good sized rooms, the room the boys use is only used on a saturday when they come for the day....
    my partner has said the baby wont be having that room, as it is '' the boys room '' , my daughters bedroom is noway big enough to fit everything in there for her and the baby, so where does he think the baby is gonna go???
    Ive spoke to my mum and dad about this, they have advised me to leave him and go and live back with them, hes done nothing for me in the whole 5 years ive been with him, never gives me any money, doesnt even give a penny for his daughter, I do still love him, but how can I stay with him when he wont give up a room thats only used 1 day a week and never gives me any money, fair enough im on maternity leave atm and go back in august, but surely he should be giving me some support...


    please could other people tell me what they would do??? ie stay or go
     
  2. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    tbh I don't think its that simple..

    How do you feel about him?..

    My ex never gave me any money for rent/electric/gas/food etc...

    I was living off a 4000quid a year lone and having to pay huge council tax bills/rent etc because he was living with me which meant they took his money into account and reduced mine.

    I struggled financially constantly. I had to beg and borrow money to eat on a regular basis... it wasn't until my parents gave me an ultimatum, either he starts paying as they weren't going to do it any more, or I leave him and move to Spain. I left and moved to Spain. I knew that he would never pay out for me or his daughter... and in 8 years he never has, even now.

    As for the room situation. It's quite hard... I wouldn't want my step sons sharing a room with my daughter. And when the new baby comes along, I would like them to have a room of their own, although it's just not practical.

    You need to sit down with your OH and discuss the way the room situation is... but more importantly the money situation.

    It's not important that you have your own money. You live together, you have created children together, you share the same electric, water, gas etc... so he HAS to share the bills with you, and make some form of payment... Give him an ultimatum, go through your monthly bills, split it in half (or % wise based on your earnings, if you are not earning the same) and if he doesn't stick with it then I would consider leaving.
     
  3. keli

    keli Well-Known Member

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    can't really give you much advice but wanted to give you a hug :hug: why are things never easy? :( does your fella work?.. he def should be paying half as squiglet says xx
     
  4. freepie

    freepie Well-Known Member

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    Lay it on the line- tell him all your issues & let him know that you do have somewhere else to go.....
     
  5. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    agree with squig and freepie

    hope it works out for u :hug: :hug:
     
  6. bonny

    bonny Well-Known Member

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    Me to, sounds like a dificult situation. :hug:
     
  7. mamichuli

    mamichuli Well-Known Member

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    Hun, i think the first question you need to ask yourself is "Are you happy with him?" You say you love him, but that doesnt make you automatically happy. Think about that and, very important - what sort of a dad is he to his daughter? I get the impression from your post that he favours his boys from his first marriage over his little girl... that would worry me...

    I dont have any of the answers, but whatever you decide to do, you certainly deserve better than what yu describe. :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Lisa
     
  8. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    Is the "boys room" bigger than your daughters room?

    As far as your relationship goes, only you will know if you should stay or go... be honest with your OH, tell him your issues and see what he says,
     
  9. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    lav,

    We have known each other for a long time and do you remeber what you told mer about you ohs reaction to the new baby? I remember it was shocking and you were talking to me about not keeping your baby because of his reaction - no one should be feeling like that when they first get pregnant. Hes never been much of a support to you has he? and not giving you any money, well thats bloody pig ignorant of him.

    You might love him hun, but are you in love with him? Its a new year hun, new baby and new start and you need to make sure your happy as well as your kids.

    You need to lay it on the line babe, pm me for my msn if you dont have it.
     
  10. paiges_mummy

    paiges_mummy Well-Known Member

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    no its smaller, but that aint the point.... the room is used once a week, I just cant understand why he thinks its gotta be there room when they dont live here anymore
    hes shown no support for this baby whatsover, even when I had a scare he didnt ask if the baby was ok or anything.
    yeah and thats to true, in my eyes hes all for his 2 boys and no pig else.
     
  11. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    Whats you gut instinct on this then hun?

    He doesnt sound like the loving caring partner that you need and especially at this moment in time with your next daughter due soon. And little paige as well to think about.

    But its not just about the kids, its you too.
     
  12. loz

    loz Well-Known Member

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    I think maybe it's a hard time for you to be making big decisions as you are so near giving birth. Can you give it a bit of time e.g. a couple of months after you have had the baby and think again? Maybe at that time, you could try and get him to sit down and talk about your relationship - if he wont, then it might be the time to make some drastic changes? I presume that before then you would have the baby in your room anyway? Do you really love him or just worried about being on your own with the kids? Does he have any idea that you are feeling so bad? Thinking of you :hug:
     
  13. HappyAlice

    HappyAlice Well-Known Member

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    I can kind of see how he loves his boys very much and if I was your OH not living with 2 of my children I would feel that getting rid of their room would seem like they don't matter anymore and are being replaced. I guess he needs to feel like they belong in his home. If I were you I would consider moving somewhere with more room for you all. But it depends really on if you see a future or not with your OH, your parents sound nice offering u a home, but do you want to leave him?
     
  14. purple13

    purple13 Well-Known Member

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    like the others have said, i think you need to get down to the basic issue of whether or not you're in love him? its impossible to say whether you should stay or go because its difficult to know if you're happy with him or not? there are definitely issues that need to be addressed, but only you can know whether its worth it or not. hope you manage to get it all sorted :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  15. bobtheunfortunateone

    bobtheunfortunateone Well-Known Member

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    :hug: Has he said were the baby is going to sleep? When I was younger I had to share a bedroom with my half brother (I was 14) and it did me no halm, I didn't feel pushed out, I was only there 1 night a week too. I think you need to talk. There is a difference between loving someone and being In love with someone, a realtionship only works if you both are honest and can compromise, should never be take, take, take. granted you won't always agree but if he cannot respect that he has two children with you and they are on equal grounds to his boys then you are struggling up that hill! It sounds like that has all that YOU have done. is he worth your energy? Are you sure you don't just love the though of having him there?
     
  16. Penstraze

    Penstraze Well-Known Member

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    As I see it from what you've said if hes contributing nothing towards the house bills/rent etc then he has no say over what you do with it. ]
    I do understand where hes coming from in not taking the boys room away in that he wants them feel they are important in his house and to want to come, but I totally see your point that the room is needed full time and with no where to put the baby its the obvious option. I think you really need to have a good think about things, how you feel about him and what you want from your relationship and maybe give yourself abit of time to be 100% sure before making such a big decission! :hug:
     
  17. paiges_mummy

    paiges_mummy Well-Known Member

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    hes been away to scotland for 2 days.. whilst he was away he had a parcel delivered, he got home this morning around 1am, woke up and started to build this parcel that was delivered..
    fuck the baby stuff upstairs that needs putting up ie cot etc ........ if its stuff for him he will do it when he wants to do it which is more or less straight away.
     
  18. loz

    loz Well-Known Member

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  19. paiges_mummy

    paiges_mummy Well-Known Member

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    im now in a stuck hole... lol


    hes offered to give the bedroom up for the baby and pay the rent off so we can get an exchange...
    my mums offered to take me back and the kids, but shes got my nan living with her now, so if I move back there, to start with there will be 3 of us in my old bedroom, and my nans being moved over to the spare room, now if my nan wernt there it wouldnt be a problem, coz the the girls will have there room and ill be in mine.. I feel like im putting pressure on people.

    what do I do???
     
  20. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    Theres only onw way to find out, are you still hopelesly in love with him?

    Has he been making a effort?

    Does he seem genuinly upset about you thinking about moving out?

    Does he help out with Paige?

    Can you see yourslef being with a man for the rest of your life that was horrified that you were pregnant, and has done bugge all for you recently>?
     

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