Erm guess i need to be back here..

[Slinky Sarah]

Well i went to the doctors this morning because this last AF has been very funny. I started spotting last Thursday...was due AF the friday but between intermitend red blood (when straining for a poo ) i had nothing but a small amount of brown/pink discharge. on tuesday night my 'AF' started, 4 days late. Was heavier than normal and more painful but i didnt really think anything more of it. Well i decided to go to the docs as iv been bleeding on and off for over a week now. The first thing the doctor says is 'i think its a very early miscarriage going by your dates and the pain etc'. I was shocked tbh...never even knew i was preg. I asked if it could be anything else, she said maybe an infection so im going for swabs next friday. But she kept coming back to the miscarriage thing. Before i left the last thing she said to me was 'watch out for signs of ectopic pregnancy too. Any signs get straight to A&E .

Well i phoned oH and told him what the doctor had said...hes just as shocked as me. It never crossed either of our minds really.

About an hour after i came home, i got very bad cramps....went to the loo too see lots and lots of bright red sticky blood...it just poured out of me. Since then iv been passing clots, relativly small at first. In the past 3 hours or so iv gone through 5 night time sanitary towels. Most recently i went to the loo cos i could feel clots coming (TMI) and had such pain in my back exactly the same as last time. The clots were very big....the last one i ended up pulling out of me...it just kept coming and was very big. (TMI im sorry)

So i think its safe to say iv had my second miscarriage in 10 months.

Im doing ok atm....not told OH yet that its definatly a miscarriage....hes still at work and out driving....cant exactly tell him iv lost our child we never knew we had now...
Gonna tell him tonite when i go down and see him. Just gotta figure out how to tell him.

Erm so yeah thats it really. Hope my babies look after each other up there and look after mummy and daddy....Feels so strange knowing iv lost another baby that we didnt even know about.....Makes me feel like a bad mother really...

 

[kellyannlyle]

Hiya chic.
I am sorry to this - made me a bit weepy actually.

I had similar in Jan and they told me that it was a pressumed missed miscarrage - I never thought about the fact I was pregnant - spent about 4 solid days of constant bleeding and it was disgusting the stuff that was being passed.... a month later i collapsed in town shopping.

went to the hospital where they told me that I did not have a miscarrage - in fact I was still pregnant!

I had mourned the loss of the child that I did not know that I had in the 1st place.

It is shit but I really hope that you both get through this and manage to have a baby soon!!!!!

Big hugs and kisses

 

[sarah113]

 

[Slinky Sarah]

Hiya chic.
I am sorry to this - made me a bit weepy actually.

I had similar in Jan and they told me that it was a pressumed missed miscarrage - I never thought about the fact I was pregnant - spent about 4 solid days of constant bleeding and it was disgusting the stuff that was being passed.... a month later i collapsed in town shopping.

went to the hospital where they told me that I did not have a miscarrage - in fact I was still pregnant!

I had mourned the loss of the child that I did not know that I had in the 1st place.

It is sh*t but I really hope that you both get through this and manage to have a baby soon!!!!!

Big hugs and kisses

omg thats awful glad you are still preg though hun...just gotta talk to OH and decide what we want to do...Im not sure whether to call my doc or not actually tonite and tell her whats happened since....

 

[kellyannlyle]

I hope that you contacted your doc - you should definately update them!

Maybe even go to a walk in clinic if you have on and get checked.... you don;t wanna have any sort of complications - to be over cautious is sensible in my eyes!!!!!



Nothing anyone can really say to help!!!

xxxx

 

[rach]

hun im so sorry please make sure you get checked by somebody just to make sure everything has gone or you could end up with a very nasty infection xxxxxxxxx

 

[kazlin]

Oh Sarah, I am so sorry to hear this babe

When I first got with OH, I had a period which just lasted and lasted. I went to the doctors and he suspected a pregnancy. He sent me to the hospital for a test and it came back negative so I won't really ever know.

Hun, your time will come, please try to stay positive and please, please do not be hard on yourself. Have some more hugs sweetie

Speak soon xx

 

[mum2A&L]

so sorry to hear this

 

[Petra]

OMG I am so sorry to hear this. I would go to doctor's to get checked.. Are you feeling better now?

 

[SweetAtHeart12]

So sorry Hun

 

[Slinky Sarah]

well iv not had much sleep. Told OH last night. He just really sat in silence really. Think hes shocked (obiously). Hes been through my last one with me but we had only just met, and the baby wasnt his. This time i think its all the more real for him if you know what i mean. He wont talk about it, think hes just trying to be strong for me really. We just spent the night cuddled up in bed not sleeping.
I broke down a little last night. I had fallen asleep for a little while and when i woke up OH wasnt in bed with me. I just broke down and i think it just all hit me.
Think he is just worried about me atm but i know its gonna hurt him as well as me and i just want him to talk to me. DUnno if its cos i want to look after him this time, when im looking after him and making sure hes ok i kinda shut off my emotions if you know what i mean, concentrate on him and just for a split second try and forget. I asked him if he had any questions or anything, he said like what lol. Dont think hes managing to get his head round it yet.

Iv now come home and hes gone to work, think he needs some space from me atm. So im next seeing him again on monday night by the looks of things.

I dont know when im gonna be able to get checked out...im at work till friday and its a new job. Im back at the docs on friday cos of the swabs they want but other than that iv just got to drop a sample off on monday.


thanks fro all your hugs and kind words...Im still in shock tbh. Cant believe it has happened again.

 

[Tina & Gabs]

 

[emeraldsroses]

I just came across a post in Off Topic with your signature, then read this post and am in shock. Sweetie, are you ok? How's your OH? I'm so sorry! Please take care of yourself. I'll for you

 

[Becky]

Try not to worry too much about how you and your OH are coping. When we found out about our missed miscarriage we both dealt with it initially differently and seperately. We needed some time to figure out how we felt about it, then we were able to deal with it together.

Its never a nice thing, but time is the best healer and you will come through it ok.

 

[Slinky Sarah]

i feel such a failure. Why is my body doing this?!
i feel like i have let my OH down. Hes sayss i havent but its my body that has killed our baby. It was me that didnt even know i was pregnant.
I feel like such a shit mum. I have hardly cried for our baby. I just seem to brush it under the carpet. I just seem to be numb of all emotion. It seems to have hit OH really hard, hes upset cos i was on my own when i went to the docs and on friday i was alone passing the baby (well i was talking to geordie lass and little lady on msn) and obviously he cant stop the pains im getting or the bleeding.
cant really explain how im feeling really except numb really. I have to stay strong for my OH, i knw we were together the last time but that was my baby not ours this time its different.
I keep thinking im wrong, maybe its a mistake....but i know deep down what it was/is, there was too much blood and clots for anything else. i havent had a scan this time, maybe thats why that made it final. i dont want to go through that again though. i didnt have bloods or anything either time i just have to take a urine sample tomorrow o send to the lab for a preg test...
iv been bleeding on and off for 11 days now very bad pains since friday. reluctant to take pills though cos i feel like i deserve this pain in a way. Like my body caused this so it should feel all the pains and discomfort.
i feel like a horribly mother...how can i not cry for our baby i lost? How can OH even look at me let alone kiss, cuddle and tell me he loves me?
He deserves someone who can give him children, not someone whos body kills them

Oh im sorry everyone. i just dont know what to do at all. I dont deserve OH and i dont deserve to be here. Im supposed to protect my children not cause their deaths. OH really must hate me

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi Sarah,

Really really sorry to read this Please please try not to be too hard on yourself, it's really not your fault, honestly.

I felt like this about 10 months ago (I'd had a suspected very early miscarriage in 06 too although that first one was never confirmed, only a faint positive test) - was glad of every bit of pain and even refused to eat for days!!! You're not a bad mother, you've just been unlucky, and one day you'll be a fantastic Mum. Don't give up hon.

Take care of yourself - your body needs to recover right now; you need to look after yourself for the sake of your future babies.

 

[emeraldsroses]

Sarah,
Please stop beating yourself up over this. As DaisyRose said, it's not your fault. It's not your body which has failed you. Trust me. I know it's difficult to cope with another loss (even though I haven't been there myself... yet), but you can't blame yourself for this loss. I also doubt your OH thinks less of you because you lost this baby. He may have difficulty accepting the loss, but not difficulty accepting you. I'm certain he loves you dearly.

I know about not being able to cry over a loss. I've been there. I watched my husband cry constantly over the loss of our baby and all I could do was watch him helplessly. My heart was breaking for him, though, especially once I realised that he wanted this baby so much.

You may be numb now and unable to cry, but you will eventually cry. Trust me on this. You will cry when you are ready to. Right now it seems you are in an unrealistic situation and perhaps cannot believe this is happening to you. Once you get past that part, you will grieve. We'll be here for you to support you through it all. And your OH will be there to help you too.

For now, take care of yourself and stop blaming yourself. This baby is now looking down on you from heaven and watching over you, making certain you are safe. He/she is also watching over his/her older brother/sister, playing with him/her. Take comfort in that. BIG BIG

 

[kellyannlyle]

I know it is hard going through this but your body has not been killing your children it just was not meant to be this time.

My mum lost a daugter, my sister, when she was 3 months old to another unexpalinable thing like miscarrage - cot death.

Unfortunately these bad things just happen.... but after my sis died she had 2 healthy children (me and my brother) then suffered another loss with twins..... Years later she had my little sister who is 15 today!

There is joy after such loss but if my mum did not suffer these losses me, my lil bro and sis would not be here. she would not change that for anything!

As for no painkillers..... take them.... you do not need to be in physical pain when you are clearly in more mentally. Make an appointment at the docs and get some info on grief counciling!
For both of you!

I wish there was something I could do to make it beter but you have to get there in your own time!!!!

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Oh Sarah I've only just seen this. I'm so sorry hun it's so unfair. I hope that you are looking after yourself and that you and OH take time to grieve how ever you want. I cried at the time from the unfairness of it all but only actually cried out of grief last month. There is no right way to cope with loss.

It's not your fault at all. It's just the unlucky lottery that is life.

I'm so so sorry.

 

[Slinky Sarah]

hi ladies...i had much more sleep last night than i had in the past few days and feel a bit better abiout things today....cried a little for Bean too (bubs seems to have got a nickname without realising lol).
OH seems a little better too.
I read back my post from last night and some stuff i said was silly and i know it...the not taking painkillers espec...i have taken co-codamol today and feel better in myself too.
I havent really spoken to OH in detail about what happened...dont think he will want details really...bit gorey for a bloke i guess.
I know we will pull through this together...Thats what couples do.

The bleeding seems to have stopped again now...just worried it may happen like saturday again...

Thank you for all your support and replies...i really dont know where i would be without this forum