Doesnt know what im thinking

[scaredmum2be]

Now that weve had our baby boy, hubby strongly agrees to have the snip and it will be happening on the 19th August and to be honest i dont agree with it but its something i will get used to due to the fact that i love him, but it doesnt stop me wanting kids at all and i no i wont go else where for it but i feel abit upset knowing that we wont be having anymore. I know i should be greatful for the child we have got and i am really greatful, but ive also always wanted 2 kids this is our first and i loved my pregnancy aswell as my labour which i miss my pregnancy and as i always say now id do it all over again if i could but now hubby has got his snip planned and its getting closer to it i cant stop him and i wont because its what he really wants so im not going to tell him to not go through with it because its not up to me but i get little upset because he doesnt want anymore. Ive said to him though like not to have it but to think bout having another child in the future but turns out hes decided from the day we had the baby he plans to get it done and in few weeks time its getting nearer although it will probrably feel like ive have lost me womb or something due to me not having anymore. has anyone else been in this situation?? I wonder if im selfish with the feelings ive been having xx

 

[amyjayne77]

I'm sorry, I've not been in this situation but I don't think you are being selfish at all!! My hubby mentioned having the snip as we have an abundance of children but I don't want him to.... it's final isn't it, there's no turning back and even tho he says no more kids, he won't do it cos I don't agree just yet. But if i said "please have the snip, i don't want any more" he'd jump at the chance lol.

I personally think it's a bit out of order for him to just go ahead. I know you can't make him want more kids, but to jump in so soon and remove the chance of it ever happening is a bit selfish on his part. Especially if he knows how you feel. Have you told him straight you think it's too soon? Hope you can come to some agreement on it. It must be really hard for you xxxx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

You both need to agree to this not just him to go ahead with it! My OH always said he didn't want anymore and yet it was him 3years later who said he wanted to try for another!! Your not being selfish at all but even though your putting on a brave face for him, this will keep eatting you up inside and could ruin your relationship!! Try to have another chat with him cos he needs to listen to you too!! x x

 

[MrsR]

I don't think you're being selfish, I think he is x it should be a joint descision! Ok so he might not want any more right now but what about in 1/2/3/4 years time? He might change his mind and it'll be too late x I say I don't want any more children but I wouldn't get my tubes tied or ask OH to get a vasectomy as it's so final! x

 

[Piglet10]

i know its his willy but its both of yours family and it shouldnt be up to him when it ends tbh thank god my oh has said noone is ever gettin near his little friend lol xx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I think its way too early and drastic for him to do this - once your baby is a little older he might totally change his mind about the situation and then really regret it, causing untold problems. Have you tried compromising with him, as in getting long term birth control for the short term..if that makes any sense?

I can understand how you feel, before I got pregnant agani my OH was determined he didnt want any more children; however, he soon came round to it when he started thinking about Rosie growing up with no siblings.

 

[LouiseB]

I can't imagine being in this situation but what upsets me about it is that it seems to be something that he has decided upon himself and sprung it upon you and there isn't a single bit of compromise involved even though it is something that effects the whole family permenantly!

I think he is being very selfish - not so much for how he feels but for how he is going about it. You are not involved.

If i was in your situation i would try encourage him to compromise. Something like not getting the snip for a while and you will instead go on a long term contraception (something like a coil) and then re address the issue of him getting the snip when you have some knowledge of having children and how you think a second child might contribute to your family...

The snip can be reversed, but i doubt he'll put himself through it.

 

[scaredmum2be]

Hi again thanks for the comments.
If i told you how much i tried comprimising not having the snip and me going on a contraceptive for a few years an then poss trying would you believe me? Because when i was first pregnant and miscarried he didnt want anymore at first when we met he wanting no kids at all but i didnt really thinking bout it when we got together but when i fell pregnant i miscarried and then fell pregnant 2 months later and had my baby boy on the 23/06/2010. I now realise he isnt really the family man man if you know what i mean because today he turned around and said sorry that he is not a family man much. I accepted that he didnt want any kids when we met but when i fell pregnant i loved being pregnant and would experiance it all over again.

He said he would think about it and i gave him the chance to think about it for a whole 9 months and hes still strongly believes he wants the snip.
He said the only reason he would think about it twice is if i wanted him to stop going ahead with it but then it puts me on a guilt trip thinking because he strongly agrees with this going ahead im not going to get in his way an not let him have it done so im letting him get on with it because i dont want him blaming me for a second pregnancy unplanned when he doesnt really want one and it hurts when i think of it like that because if i made him stop getting it done thats how i will think but hes doing al this off his own back. Im only putting on this brave face because its what he wants. I dont know how im going to feel in a few years time about wanting another. To be honest its guna feel like ive had my womb removed all because hes had the snip.

Basically ive not had sex with him because im scared of getting pregnant because i know deep down he wouldnt want a baby because if i did it without him knowing i'd be trapping him and that is not what i want so today ive got to go on the contraceptive injection to stop me getting pregnant and i got to carry on with it when hes had the snip to make sure hes basically firing blanks (tmi sorry) lol. And then i can stop havin the injection when he cant have anymore kids because the dctor said they wont keep me on the injection its only temporarly and on the 19th hubbys having the snip done.

Ive been thinking today basically its the final day for me & my body to not able to go through another pregnancy ever to go on the injection.
Hubby is glad to not want anymore children apperntly cos he said that all this talk of not having the snip an waiting awhile he doesnt want to hear about it an its all final an i feel very upset i feel like crying to be honest. xx

 

[LouiseB]

Ah, so he never made a secret of not being a family man... suppose letting you have one child then was a bit of a compromise on his behalf.

Just enjoy your son, you never know you might not want another by the time he hits his terrible twos!

Also, if you enjoy being pregnant, maybe you could offer yourself as a surrogate for women who can't carry their own children?

 

[isobel84]

My OH never wanted children so i never saw us lasting to be honest. Then i fell pregnant anyway (trust me i was stricly on the pill) HE told me to keep it convincing me we could do it. So now we are expecting our boy.
He strongly says no more tho.. But as i might want more kids in the future and a sibling to Noa, i said to him that if he absolutly dont want no more children, get it snipped. But i also said, im not doing nothing, i prob want more kids, whit or whitout him.
OH wont have the snip now.
i dont belive in trapping someone in to something they dont want. if hes that strongly that he dont want any kids maybe you need to explain to him that perhaps one day, your need get so strong that you have to choose between your OH and having more kids.
He can make his choice, but you can also make yours (im talking in the future). If he is aware and ok with this. Then let him go on with it.

 

[isobel84]

what im trying to say is that he cant expect you to not have anymore kids just cuz he dont want it.

 

[karenandbump]

Oh hon, what a situation. If ur having the injection could he not delay thbings to give u both some thinking space? Seems like a big decision to make when one of u isn't sure xxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

Ah, so he never made a secret of not being a family man... suppose letting you have one child then was a bit of a compromise on his behalf.

Just enjoy your son, you never know you might not want another by the time he hits his terrible twos!

Also, if you enjoy being pregnant, maybe you could offer yourself as a surrogate for women who can't carry their own children?

I am enjoying my son very much and im talking more about in the future. Although i dont want to be a surragate because id get to attatched an wud wana keep that baby lol, i just would of really liked one with other half but i want him to want the same but its never going to be that way.
Yeah he compromised on that but when ive talked about my feelings basically ill be being selfish for not understanding him an to be honest i cant b bothered with arguements i just feel very low at the moment and he cant wait to have the snip because it will stop us arguing about having the snip or not but it wont stop on how i feel x

 

[scaredmum2be]

Oh hon, what a situation. If ur having the injection could he not delay thbings to give u both some thinking space? Seems like a big decision to make when one of u isn't sure xxx

Hes made the appointment now so he will be going to that and i mentioned about the injection being delayed but nope its defiantly what he wants i suppose i got to get over myself quickly. Maybe im thinking to much of myself .
A very big decision on his part made. I went for the injection an all i wanted to was cry because it was the final for me basically xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

My OH never wanted children so i never saw us lasting to be honest. Then i fell pregnant anyway (trust me i was stricly on the pill) HE told me to keep it convincing me we could do it. So now we are expecting our boy.
He strongly says no more tho.. But as i might want more kids in the future and a sibling to Noa, i said to him that if he absolutly dont want no more children, get it snipped. But i also said, im not doing nothing, i prob want more kids, whit or whitout him.
OH wont have the snip now.
i dont belive in trapping someone in to something they dont want. if hes that strongly that he dont want any kids maybe you need to explain to him that perhaps one day, your need get so strong that you have to choose between your OH and having more kids.
He can make his choice, but you can also make yours (im talking in the future). If he is aware and ok with this. Then let him go on with it.

I mentioned about the sibling an that he would be left alone if me and hubby wasnt around with no bro or sister and he turned around and said to me were not going anywhere its like derr.
cant really think straight at the mo to be honest hun. xx

 

[amyjayne77]

Oh' I'm so sorry, it's a shame he's not willing to compromise. Gotta say, I's be seriously pee'd off. I don't think your being selfish at all, I think he's making a very rash descision!