Marriage counselling!!

[scaredmum2be]

I really need someone to talk to so i thought writing it down on here would actually help .
I've been noticeing it for awhile that me and my husband have been falling apart, ive tried talking to him but he thinks its my mind and my mental state bearing in mind hes the one on the sick with the mental state the fact is at the end of the day im not happy and hes not happy and hes said this but then he says about well the only reason is because of this that and the other and blaming me and i said it takes 2 people to argue let alone end of a marriage/ Im starting to hate him/ resent him and i just dont feel its working. ive stayed for few years hoping it would solve things but it just hasnt and he says i havent tried when i have ive tried gettin him to sit down properly and going through things but he turns round and says hes not interested in what i have to talk about . It hurts that weve got no where and every time ive tried to leave he goes on about the family hes always wanted and makes me upset with the last child he never got to see im not like that and he can keep in touch, he done nothing to this child physically or mentally so i cannot take him away from this child also because im not like this.
To much has gone on in the marriage its difficult to deal with even more now ive got a child on the way.
Hubby mentioned D.I.V.O.R.C.E straight away ive not even thought about that, ive not moved out yet as ive got to get in touch with the council to sort bout getting a place, im suprised he hasnt said leave tonight to me but Please DO NOT WRITE ON FACEBOOK ABOUT THIS ive never had neone to talk to properly not even a close friend about my probs, its hard keeping things in anymore it hurts as i know we'll never be the family we always wanted. He doesnt want counciling what more can i try . Im such a failure!!!!
Thanks for reading xx

 

[Mamafy]

I'm so sorry hun

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you You are not a failure though - you've tried to make it work but it takes effort from both sides. If he wants things to work surely counselling would be better than losing the chance he has to have the family that he wants? It might be just what you both need to talk through everything that's making you both so unhappy with someone impartial

 

[scaredmum2be]

I gave him the chance to either going on councelling things to try and make it work as we end up arguing if we try and work it out together so i gave him the chance an i thought he might make an effort and say yes to this counselling, hes says hes had enough. We can never talk properly without it ending in argument only takes few mins to get roughed its like wtf i havent said anything wrong.
I keep thinking time apart would of done us some gud but i dont think id wana come back if he asked for me back, he knows theres nothing he can do unless he trys counselling with me but he said he cant deal with marriage counselling let alone him trying to go to see his own therapy bout his own things in the past. I realy thought he was bothered bout making an effort with us and for sake of lil un. Hes gone to bed im now considering taking the sofa, all i want to do is cry and i know i need rest but ive got tummy ache to but im hurting because im stupid enough to realise it sooner because now ive a child on the way which makes it ten times worse for me.
I ask for to much in this life and i really dont think im worth the effort anymore, so sorry i put all this negativity on the forum, the only thing im looking foward to is this baby and wud like the best but my best isnt good enough. I shud be happy for a family with him, its just the way he is that makes me not even want to be close to him anymore. x

 

[Sam's Mum]

If he won't consider counselling I think you definitely need some time apart - and that doesn't mean you need to go back to him afterwards. Take some time to focus on you and baby..is there someone that one of ou could stay with?

 

[titch]

so sorry to hear this hun and it made me sad to hear you say you've never spoken to anyone about it before Im glad youve come on here and got us to listen

You're not a failure at all, like the others said, it takes 2, and you cant carry it all yourself.

A friend of mine wanted a divorce because she realised she was gay (prob shouldnt have married him in the first place and had kids but who knows what she was thinking at the time!) anyway the courts made them go to compulsary couples counselling before they would approve the divorce (I dunno what they thought they'd achieve with her telling them outright that she was gay and couldnt stay any longer!) but the point is, he might not be able to get a divorce at the click of his fingers like he thinks, especially if you dont agree to it/tell the courts you would like to try counselling first.

I really hope it doesnt get to that stage first, but Im glad you're both starting to face up to things, thats a huge weight to carry on your own come on here and rant away all you like xxx

 

[Yodabo]

I'm so sorry hun your going through this but i agree with the others..you are NOT a failure. You've tried your damned hardest...seems to me that your the only one that IS trying. If he really isn't up for any talking or any counselling then i really think a break is what's needed...sometimes we don't realise what we got till it's gone. Perhaps with the break you can think a bit more clearly about whats right for you and your baby. It can't be healthy for you and the baby going through all the time so i really think some time out will do you all some good.

It's going to be hard...me and my husband always always talk to each other about how we're feeling and we make our feelings clear if neither of us are happy with each other...It's all about comunication and listening. There seems to be a big breakdown on that part with him. You can't save a marriage all on your own hun, it has to be effort on both parts.

Whatever you decide to do, we'll always be here to listen xx

 

[mrsH2009]

Oh Hun I'm so sorry you aregoing through such a tough patch you are not a failure you are doing hat you know is right for your little one and you! I agree maybe some time out will help

 

[scaredmum2be]

Hey peeps.
we havent really spoke much about lastnight to be honest im really tired alot i dont feel like i can relax or have a laugh around him let alone being somewhere else if hes doing something and so am i. I havent got anywhere else to go but then i dont really like the idea of being in a counsel flat with my son because i feel i wouldnt of worked hard enough on this marriage to keep it stable.

I think maybe its the lack of closeness we once had but now i think whats that.
Today im really tired and i tink the baby has taken it out on me today i need rest but everytime i rest properly someone comes round or someone phones its like jeez i cant have a lie in in the mornings nemore.
Cant think properly at the min is this due to me being tired??

will things change when ive had the baby? Am i really getting hormonal? am i crazy? he thinks i make thinks a problem so is it me that causes arguements,, pfffft i dunno am to knackered to think straight lately. thanks girlies im glad i got it off me chest. I sound crazy dont i lolxx

 

[ERIN84]

aw hun, this is so sad/ Sounds like you need some time apart and take it from there. nobody can tell you what to do in these situations, you have to just follow your heart. How long have you been married? Are you the same age? x

 

[scaredmum2be]

not the same age im 21 hes 36 37 this year i think cant think much cos of baby brain lol. been married nearly 2 years an together nearly 4 years. think im guna see how we are together when weve had little man then i'll be able to notice if its my hormoanes or its us cos i cant think straight nemore lolxx

 

[titch]

its a shame he wont agree to counselling, its so difficult to work all this out, especially when youre pregnant! Counselling might really have helped.

I hope you get a good sleep soon

 

[CatBana]

Hi pet, this is a horrible situation to be in. I've nearly left my husband a few times but we did go to couples counselling and it did help. He was soooo reluctant at first but then i said ' you're willing to throw away a lifetime with me because you won't spend one hour with me in therapy?' now he's totally into therapy. It didn't solve all our problems but it did make us realise that it was stuff from our own pasts that was stopping us working. From your post it seems like this might be possible for you too?

If your husband refuses to go then you can hold your head high knowing you did your absolute best for your child, and if you need to leave then it will be better for your baby, a child would rather come from a broken home than grow up in one.
I can tell from what you've written that you are focusing on your baby, don't let anyone take away the fact that you are at a very special time in your life and you have the greatest gift that a person can ever, ever get. You being there and loving your child is what will be the measure of you as a mum and a person, don't ever forget your value.
Take care, and all the best xoxo