my OH doesnt seem to be excited

[Louise_a]

telling the other half that i was pregnant was one of the things i waslooking forward to because he has always wanted kids and great with them, he says he wants 5!! (yeah right lol)

i told him andgot a big hug and well done. when we go to scans he gets a tear in his eye etc, i feel so proud to be making him a dad

BUT

when i talk to him about the baby, he sorta clouds over, like hes not listening and i get a mumble or sometimes not even a reply. things like "ooh the baby is treating me like a football today" il either get no responce or a grin. ive tried talking to him about it 3 or 4 times but he comes and hugs me and says ofcourse hes excited and nothing is wrong, but nothing changes.... he goes back to being the sae and its reall starting to upset me because i feel very alone and like im going through this by myself when its our first child and we should both be enjoying this.

its not helping as i have depression from before i was pregnant and been on prozac for over 10 months so i tend to get emotional more but this isnt helping

any ideas what is wrong? we are engaged aswell and planning a wedding for 2009ish, no rush and thats when he sugested but its the same with that now... we havnt even decided where to get married let alone a date, ive asked him numerous times can we go and look at a place and he says no problem but it never happens, he also said hes not having second thoughts.

i just dont know what to think

 

[mary70]

hi hun dont worry my hubby was the same and then one day when i was about 30 weeks he admitted he was scared to death and if he didnt talk about it it wasnt quite real, men hey so big and tough, and as for the wedding i got married in august after being togeather 22 years

 

[mamichuli]

Hunny, dont panic, hes fine, and, as Mary said - scared sh**less! I was really disappointed with my OH when I was expecting Anais - my other two kids are from a previous relationship. Because my first husband never took interest at all in my pregnancies, it didnt surprise me, but it hurt A LOT. I expected my current OH to be more interested and he was, going to scans and so on, but sort of distant... I felt very sad at the time; it wasnt until after baby Ani was born that he confessed that he was scared and also worried that he wouldnt love the baby .
Truth is that the look on my man's face when she was born was a picture - he says he fell in love right then and had never known he could be in love with two girls at the same time!
Your OH will be fine and will ADORE the baby - garanteed.



Lisa

 

[Urchin]

Yup I agree

It's a lot harder for a man to bond with a baby before birth, and all he'll be thinking about is being the main provider and the money and the responsibility... don't worry, when baby arrives he'll soon be all excited!

 

[Urchin]

Ooh I've got a good idea... why don't you ask the dads' in the dads' to be area? Maybe they'll have some advice.

 

[Squiglet]

psssf.. man... = useless

I think most men get this glazed look in their eyes when we start talking to them about "women" things... weddings too...

He's probably more excited than you can imagine, while being very scared and not fully appreciating that in a few months a baby will be there... It's such a huge change and well men don't seem to comprehend these things until it hits them in the face.

Besides, I sympathise with my DH... he starts talking about computers and games, and my eyes just glaze over too... yet he's dead chuffed and excited about it... its just I'm not really interested and I really really don't understand when he explains these things to me.. Men don't understand pregnancy or choosing the right colour scheme for your wedding flowers.... that's our job.. and sometimes, it's best to leave the men out of it... just make sure you can still access his credit card

 

[Craig]

hate to say it but i agree with the majority - its a male trait, and i hate to say, im quite often the same.

suppose theres a few reasons/excuses for guys to be that way, as the majority of guys i know were all the same til the baby came!... theres the whole "dont show emotion" male thing which some people cant seem to overcome or that dad doesnt have much part in the pregnancy (per say) until the baby is acctually born - other than worrying his ass off about everything

I might jus be talking crap and making a large generalisation but id say its also a bit of a genetic thing - women are great at pre-planning etc, where as guys take things as they come (guess we males arent really a smart species eh? lol), which i guess squiglet would agree with..

I can honestly admit to not being very excited about it all at the moment - mostly just worried how much of a part im acctually goin to play in my kids life. But guys are scared about kids, especially if its the first... depends on the experiance i guess... when it comes to things loving the baby, changing them, how life changes when theres a wee one there etc, or even the extra pressure of having to provide for a proper family.

I very much doubt he isnt excited about it all, its impossible not to be, and very very very rarely do you get that guy that just doesnt give a shit (in which case drag him into a dark alley and kick the shit out of him.. ). I wouldnt worry too much about it, tho obv you want him to be more involved an open up a bit (hard thing for a guy!), and the fact he's said everythin about always wantin 5 kids an that kinda thing definetly sounds like theres nothin to worry about.

 

[Emma58]

My OH is exactly the same Louise, this is our first child as a couple but we both have one each from previous relationships.

When I tell him that the baby hasn't stopped moving all day or it had been waking me up at 4am every morning I get the same responses you do.
Very occasionally he gets excited about it, if he sees another little baby it's almost as if something clicks and he remembers we will have one soon, and sometimes he will talk to my stomach.

More than anything though as upsetting and annoying as it is I agree with the others it is just a male trait. Men ''aren't supposed to get excited about pregnancy'' and if they do they feel embarrassed about it because it isn't seen as manly.

It is lovely to see some of the men on hear who are honest and not afraid to say how they feel.

Try not to stress about it too much.

 

[MissSara]

I think its a man thing, my OH refuses to get excited until we have had a scan and know things are ok.

And my friend who is now 26 weeks pregnant is fed up with her OH aswell, when ever she talks about babies or new prams and clothes he switches off, saying that the shopping and deciding of stuff is all down to her and when the lil one arrives then he will be excited.

Just wondering now how my OH will be when i'm further gone???

 

[Louise_a]

hehe hi all.

aww thanks for the replies, cheered me up alot. yes he gets all excited when he see's other dads pushing prams about and will grin and comment like " aww that will be me soon" but then goes all manly again lol.

we went for our hospital tour today and he was all lovey and really liked the birthing pool idea. he liked it alot and we even went to talk to a vicar about the church and wedding date today! but then hes back at the pub with mates and they wanted to know when the big day was, his reply was " erm yes" and goes all defensive lol so it now screams male matcho things hehe which i dont mind, aslong as he is still happy about it.

wow i didnt see a man section in here! thats so ace! id try and get him to say hi but he would proberbly laugh at me and say sod that, too many women

 

[paiges_mummy]

defo a man thing

my oh didnt even come to any of the scans, not even to find out the sex, he did with my daughter, but not this little one.

 

[trixipaws]

men are just a bit like that, i dont think he means 2 come across that way

 

[gangofgin]

my oh is exactly the same, i often think to myself i dont think he really wants this baby, even though he used to go on about us having kids soon.
he made a comment the other day about me talking about the baby and pregnancy all the time, and it upset me...probably because im hormonal, but im really excited and he just isnt.
even down to getting things, i know its still quite early but i havent bought anything yet, my mums got as few baby grows for me but i havent bought anything myself yet, i saw the nicest little sleepsuit for 8 quid in next the other day and he was ranting on about me rushing into things.
i know its not really that much and much worse things are going on out there than an argument over a sleepsuit, but little things like that put doubt in my mind.
oh yeah, and it took a huge argument and me sulking for a couple of days to get him to come to the dating scan.
but hes just a bloke.. i suppose