Does this make me a bad person!!

[Vickyxx]

So yesterday I was at one of my courses for my childminding training and I was sat on a table with 3 older ladies and they were all happily chatting about their kids and then they asked me if I had any children, and I turned to them and said "No I cant have children" it just kinda blurted out

I should of just said no or that we needed IVF!! I dont know why I said it I guess part of me wanted their pity, I wanted them to feel sorry for me!!

Does this make me a bad person, am I just wishing bad things on myself?? I dont know why I even said it!!

 

[Drummers_wife]

I've come close to saying it to ppl - jys cos the looks you get when you say no x like were bad ppl for not having kids - if they only knew the truth eh?!

luvie xxxxx

 

[Vickyxx]

What was worse was even after I said it they carried on talking about their kids and how I wouldnt have to worry about all these things ... WTF!!!!

 

[Kay Kay]

Oh Vicky! It certainly doesn't make you a bad person! Sometimes you just want to blurt it out. I have nearly said it on several occasions (esp when the boy - yes boy, he is 23 and v immature) next to me at work keeps asking me 'when are you gonna have a kid?' He must have asked me about 5 times and I've managed to deflect it or change the subject. But one day I will blurt out the same as you!

What did the ladies say???

 

[Vickyxx]

They were apologetic at first and one said you forget how fortunate you are to have children .... but that was about as far as their sympathy went!!

 

[laurat]

Oh Vicky you certainly arent a bad person! When youve been through a lot to have children sometimes the mindless chat and questions and looks do get too much and you havd to say sonething for you. Fact they kept going is a bit hurtful mind!

I was the same in my work when an older member of staff just kept talking about children and saying thoughtless comments like oh you wont be affording that when you finally get round to having children. One day she really got on my goat when I said something about my new house and wanting to still be able to afford football etc and not to over spend on a mortgage. She says something snappy like oh you will get over all that when you finally have kids. She caught me on a bad day and my reply was short and curt saying well I had a mc in Feb and now dont know if Ill be able to have kids so footy is all Ive got. Put her gas at a peep permenamtley! Sometimes it has to be done!

 

[LouiseB]

I thought you'd snuck Lula home with you or something

No, it doesn't make you a bad person, it's the truth. I've often contemplated saying the same thing but honestly haven't been given chance to yet.

Sure, you're hoping to change that with IVF, but it is why anyone has IVF so it's definately not wishing bad things to happen - they already did!

I can't have children either. I have sex with my hubby. No baby. Can't have children.

You certainly haven't jinxed yourself. Or we both have

As for wanting sympathy, I don't think it was that. I think you just wanted acknowledgement that not everyone is so lucky to be able to contribute to such a mundane conversation. I think in the long run your honesty will work in your advantage because you won't have to smile and nod through any family talk xx

 

[Vickyxx]

As for wanting sympathy, I don't think it was that. I think you just wanted acknowledgement that not everyone is so lucky to be able to contribute to such a mundane conversation.

I think your right Lou, sometimes I just feel like screaming it out as a release!!