Do you feel a bond with your unborn baby?

[Sarah13]

Not sure if it's just me and I feel so bad for admitting it, but I have no bond yet at all. I'm sure I did with my daughter probably from really early on. I feel so detached and everyone else round me has so much excitement about this baby coming but all I feel it dread. I cant tell anyone as i feel so terrible and guilty for thinking this way when i should be counting down the days and excited by now. I hate starting yet another week where I have one week less to go.

Looking for baby stuff just seems a chore, I've got a few basics so the poor thing will have a pram and something to wear when it's born but beyond that i cant get motivated, it doesn't feel real.

I'm not scared of giving birth at all but what if I still feel like this when it's born? Im so worried I've made the wrong choice, I only decided last year I wanted another child but was really anti having more kids until then. I know it's a bit late now! In tri 1 I was so paranoid about something going wrong as well so I don't get why I'm not happy and excited now I'm so close.

All I hear is friends moaning about their little kids and babies, counting down the hours till bedtime, nobody seems to make motherhood look fun just now, just a load of stressed out tired mums! I've been there and done that with my daughter and keep wondering why on earth I'm starting again just as I'm getting my freedom back!

Do you think something will kick in soon and I'll suddenly be all mother earthy, happy and get excited? I obviously care about the baby and look after myself best i can so its healthy, i though the scans might have helped but i cant relate to it being my baby. maybe I'm just a having a worse day today than usual, sorry for the long moan!

 

[roxane 1985]

although ive got everything im struggling to feel a proper bond for a few reasons,

one ive not had a great pregnancy so ive spent alot of time worrying and being paranoid

ive moved 200 miles away so i dont really have anyone apart from my new partner so i get stressed really easily plus my little girl is becoming a handful i just keep thinking omg i cant cope now how will i cope when its here.

perfectly normal to feel these things and im aware that if im still like it after he is here it would be well woth my time speaking to midwife or doctor incase i develop postnatal depression

xx

 

[Sarah13]

I suppose the enormity of a baby and having another child is starting to dawn on us now there isn't much time left. I've been pretty healthy apart from bad nausea in tri 1, I just feel fat not pregnant even though baby is always moving!

 

[roxane 1985]

lucky you i had bleeding, possible blightted ovum, hyperemisis, low blood pressure, uti, terrible aches and pains , then had a scan yesterday as my mesurement were out

roll on october ive had enough lol

 

[stacey_lea86]

I Don't think I have developed a bond. I always sit & wonder why people get so excited singing to their bumps & feel guilty for not doing so to my own bump?! I've left all the baby shopping till last minute. We only did it a few weeks ago. Just couldn't get motivated to be prepared!

I'm guessing it is pre baby jitters & last minute nerves at the prospect of going through it all again. My 2 children are so close in age (19 months apart) I also keep getting that feeling of dread, I've just got my freedom back. My youngest starts full time school September & now I am going to have this huge age gap between her & this one. This scares me alot! x

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I think it's almost a given that you'll feel like that with a second baby! My 2nd was unplanned and there's only 12 obths between them! It took me til after she was born to accept I was actually pregnant! I felt really guilty for it, but about 99.9% of the other 2nd time mummies I've spoken to have said the same!

I think it's cos with your first, you don't have anything else to concentrate on and literally all your concentration is on the pregnancy, but after that you've got so much else to be getting on with!

 

[roxane 1985]

I think it's almost a given that you'll feel like that with a second baby! My 2nd was unplanned and there's only 12 obths between them! It took me til after she was born to accept I was actually pregnant! I felt really guilty for it, but about 99.9% of the other 2nd time mummies I've spoken to have said the same!

I think it's cos with your first, you don't have anything else to concentrate on and literally all your concentration is on the pregnancy, but after that you've got so much else to be getting on with!

that is quite a good point, although im focused on the pregnancy im so busy looking after my daughter i dont think ive actually stopped to think about the baby properly also ive noticed ive been thinking will i like the baby as much or am i going to favour my daughter as i cant imagine been able to feel that strongly for two different ppl if u get what i mean

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Yea I know what you mean! I'll be honest, it took me a long time to build up the same bond with #2, but I had depression too! But now, it's mad, I'll look at one annoy
Heart will burst and I think god how could I love anyone else that much, then I look at the other and do
The same! And when I look at them both playing together it's just crazy!

With #1 I was constantly looking up baby development each week cos I ad nothing better to do, but 2nd time I just didn't have time! Plus I'd been thru it all a year before so knew it all anyway lol!

 

[Sarah13]

I think it's almost a given that you'll feel like that with a second baby! My 2nd was unplanned and there's only 12 obths between them! It took me til after she was born to accept I was actually pregnant! I felt really guilty for it, but about 99.9% of the other 2nd time mummies I've spoken to have said the same!

I think it's cos with your first, you don't have anything else to concentrate on and literally all your concentration is on the pregnancy, but after that you've got so much else to be getting on with!

that is quite a good point, although im focused on the pregnancy im so busy looking after my daughter i dont think ive actually stopped to think about the baby properly also ive noticed ive been thinking will i like the baby as much or am i going to favour my daughter as i cant imagine been able to feel that strongly for two different ppl if u get what i mean

That's what I keep thinking as well!

 

[knopk@]

It's my first and I sort of feel the same which makes me wonder if I will be a good mum. It doesn't feel real and currently I am so fed up I want him out. It doesn't help that it isn't a smooth pregnancy.
Other people mentioned playing music and singing to their unborn babies but I can't see myself doing this. Will the bond come later?

 

[Sarah13]

I feel stupid talking to my tummy so I don't either! Guess baby hears our voice all day anyway!

 

[littlemiss83]

oh Sarah...

Sorry you feel this way - i'm exactly the same. Everything you said is how i've been feeling recently. I dont know how to explain it. I wasn't really excited with my first but slightly more enthusiastic with this one.

I keep thinking - My life was just starting to get back to normal after my baby growing up & not being as demanding - now we're having another it'll be back to square 1.

And...how stressful my life is right now in general between running about to school & back and after school activities & clubs & working full time & OH basically doing nowt in the house coz he's working all the time...how can I possibly fit a baby into that.

And tbh - im dreading the baby stage, but....I thought this the other day, see when you look back, it feels like they're in the baby stage for ages (crying all night ect) but in reality, they're very easy 2 look after at 3/4months right up untill they start walking i'd say. So even though it felt like forever with ur first, in reality, its not all that long.

When I see how quickly my baby has grown up...its actually frightening, makes me think about all the times I was stressed and wish I hadn't been and just enjoyed it more!

 

[Sarah13]

Thanks girls, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I was starting to think something was wrong with me! I guess things are different with your second as you know what's coming and the enormity of having another child. Suppose it's all unknown and exciting with your first baby but you worry about giving birth a lot more (well I did anyway!). I'm not the maternal type either so never really had the broody feelings lots of women get or to the same extent, I just felt like my clock was ticking away! Does make me feel so bad having these feelings as my OH is so excited, hes like a kid waiting for Christmas just now as this is his first child and he's not far off 40 so suppose he's waited a long time to be a daddy.

 

[ema-lou24]

I can kind of relate to this in a way.

My LO is now 8 from my previous relationship, but since he was 2, it's always been just me and him and we have such a strong bond. Met my OH and now have lil miss on her way and I'm constantly worried that my LO feels left out, what if I don't love her as much as I love my son? What if he ends up hating me and her and wants to go stay with his dad, it would break my heart.
As much as I love to see her grow, wriggle, move etc, I'm scared to get excited incase my son gets jealous. I involve him in her movements, scans, picking things out for her etc, and he seems really excited to be a big brother, but it's all a case of fear of the unknown.

I know it's not the same, but ur not alone Hun x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I feel the same way.. This baby wasn't planned and I haven't been with my OH long so we are still getting to know each other. We conceived after just three months. I'd just got my freedom back after 7 years of full time mum as my mum had only just started having them overnight by themselves. I have really struggled to come to terms with it and even my mum sai she's noticed I haven't seemed to have bonded with the baby. I love the kicks etc but I've still not really got my head round starting all over again. My sister had a one yr old and she's finding it hard to run around after her all the time and being around her and the tantrums and nappies etc just reminds me of what I'm gonna have to start doing again. I do feel guilty but I didn't really find the girls 'real' until they were born and I was holding them.. I'm sure I'll feel that rush of love when I finally hold this one. Thought the scans would help too but they don't seem to make it more real for me. I'm hoping the 4d scan which is more personal than a hospital trip will help more as I'm in serious denial!
My sister is due my nephew any day now she is nearly 5 days overdue and I'm going to be there at the birth so I'm hoping that experience will help too!
Your not alone babe

 

[meggymum]

i feel a bond with mine but its my first baby. im sure that once he or she comes into the world motherly instincts will kick in and you will be fine. hang in there

 

[jennyjuniper]

Joining the club too. I'm having my first n was unplanned n cross actually of having to give up my freedom slightly. Don't feel particularly bonded to my bump at all n feel like everyone else is more excited than me. I keep thinking 'do they know something.I don't?!' We'll c what happens in 8 weeks eh?
Thank-you for being so honest n putting up that post. It's good to know others r having the same thoughts!

 

[Jayceesmumma]