Do i give him an ultimatum??

[melissaw]

Firstly HEY I'm Mel I'm new to this website... Hope everyone's doing good

I have a little problem and no idea what to do... I've tried asking friends and family but still can't really decide what I do for the best...
Any advice in this situation or anyone that's been here themselves who have an opinion would be very welcome.

So I've been with my partner now for almost 8 years, we have a 7 year old daughter and I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with our second...
MY PROBLEM...
I've just been in the garage and stumbled across STEROIDS...
To me this explains a lot... I did ask him about 3 months ago if he was on steroids because of how big he has gotten in so little time... Of course he has lied to me as he said no!!

I noticed around 2 months ago that he had become very distant with me... I noticed a massive boost in his confidence, all of a sudden he is all about himself and I felt he was growing very distant. I found it strange because He has always been so close and loving toward me!!

I've been thinking all kinds of things... Mostly that he is "cheating" as our sex life has gone right down the pan... He says it's because I am pregnant and he doesn't feel comfortable with it all.... I find this odd because like I say I'm 27 weeks pregnant and before 2 months ago our sex life was amazing....

I am now wondering what I do about it... Do I confront him and tell him I know he's using steroids and he has no need to lie?
Do I tell him I don't want him to take them and give him an ultimatum me or those...

The thing is, I wouldn't mind him using them if he had not changed but our relationship is under so much strain and I now know the reason for it!!

He has made me feel so pathetic over the past few months, making me feel like I am going insane!! That it is in fact me doing this to us... Now I know it's him!!

Can someone help?

I'm sorry for ranting..

Mel x

 

[wifeywifey]

Firstly steroids can cause problems with sex drive etc so it doesnt mean he is cheating, secondly you need to help him get off them try confronting him, find out if he is addicted how long he has been using etc and tell him you want him to quit. I wouldnt start with an ultimatum as this can drive a wedge between you. You need to get him to quit for his physical and mental health.

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[melissaw]

I've already had the conversation with him 2 months ago when i suspected him of using steroids... I got the whole "stop being paranoid and grow up i am not using them"
Of course i now know he's telling me lies!!

He works away so i wont get to even speak about this with him till he gets home in 2 weeks time... I don't think speaking about it on the phone is appropriate...
He'll think I've been snooping and the last thing i want is a row...

I'm not even sure if i should tell him I've found them or if i just keep my mouth shut and let him get on with it. I just feel as though it's causing our family difficulty his manner toward me and my daughter lately is terrible.

 

[Jayjay027]

If its causing so much strain in ur relationship, why wouldn't u want to bring it up to get it sorted?!

Tell him u weren't snooping, but even if u were, he can't turn it on u because uv found these drugs and know he's lied!

My ex was on steroids and it totally changed him too, so I'd say definitely bring it up with him. Otherwise, ull continue to be miserable and he'll continue to be distant and nothing will get sorted!

 

[melissaw]

Ok so I've 'had it out with him' and now wish i never because it's made it even worse!
I told him i had found them and i don't understand why he's started taking them, explained that I think there the reason where not getting on... All i got was a mouth full of abuse.
He says it's his life and he can take them if he wants. They make him feel good about himself and he doesn't see what my problem is!

I told him that i would rather be alone than be with someone who takes steroids, his reply was pretty simple... Put up with it or move out...

Brilliant huh, I can't win!!

 

[wifeywifey]

Honestly he might be doing you a favour if he cares that little about your family maybe its the best thing maybe he will realise having his family around make him feel better than steroids do.

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[Jayceesmumma]

Is that the steroids talking? When he gets home have a proper talk with him.. It's clearly affecting your relationship.. Would he rather be in a happy relationship with his partner and children or look good?? He being selfish putting his needs first. He appears to be addicted going on his reaction.. He needs help and it's going to be hard work to convince him x

 

[Stepmum to mum]

Hi ladies,*

Just saw this thread and thought I'd give my view.

Does your OH work out at a gym? *if he does lots of the bodybuilders take steroids and become very built in a short space of time, along side of course healthy eating and working out. It's an addictive obsession cos my Husband was a body builder when I met him and I know all about it, but i was lucky in a sense because he was so open and honest about it when we met. Luckily he has now given that lifestyle up a few years ago now.*

Basically what I'm trying to say is that if guys around him are doing it and he's seeing the results quickly he'll keep using them. I guess maybe it would be easier to understand him if he was open and honest about it as most men like the idea of a quick fix to make them look more built. It's a vanity thing.*

To be honest I think the fact he lied to you is more worrying than his steroid use. I can't believe I'm saying this but it's only because I know so many body builders and have been to shows so know how it works. I don't agree with it at all don't get me wrong, but I would personally tackle him about his deceit first an foremost.*

I don't mean to offend, I just was offering my advice. Please don't take it the wrong way.*

X