Did your in-laws turn into monsters when you had children?

[flamelily89]

The reason I ask is because I was seeing my friends last night and they were talking about it.
They said they loved their in laws to start with but as soon as the kids came a long they never helped or patronised them about the way they were choosing to go about things.
It's making me quite nervous for when I have mine as I love partners parents!

 

[fairyprincess]

Hey, we're still TTC our 1st so it hasn't happened for us yet. But I have quite a good relationship with my in-laws. DH's cousin has a really interfering family and they're always telling her how to look after her baby. I was talking about this with my MIL (she knows we're TTC) and she asked me how I want her to be when I have a baby. She said if I ever feel she's overstepping the mark she wants me to tell her! I suppose it all depends on your relationship x

 

[El1en]

I don't necessarily think it's just inlaws, your family could change to. As it happens mine haven't but I think it depends on the relationship and more importantly your ohs relationship with them. I love my inlaws but while my oh loves them very much he doesn't push to see them often and I think my mil is scared I'll think her pushy so doesn't get too involved. I'd love her to be more involved but sometimes I feel like it's always me doing the work. If I need a baby sitter I usually ask my mum as she's closer and super keen but I do know I need to try and ask mil more. But even my oh always says "oh ask your mum" like he doesn't think his mum would want to help when I know she would.

Anyway my point is there was no real change they are still lovely

 

[Robyner]

I always thought i got on fine with my mil before children. Now, there is definite issues and a rift, although she isnt saying what. Im upfront if ive got a problem and there was something i had to confront her about regarding her grandchild and now it seems ive had my chips. She makes any excuse possible not to see us despite the fact that weve moved from living a 5 hour drive away to a ten minute walk.

 

[MrsGriff]

I always got on with my inlaws but the relationship became strained when I got pregnant and deteriorated rapidly after I had my daughter. The main issue was that they expected me to do things their way, which basically involved me taking her over almost daily to their house and they kept pushing me to leave her with them so they could babysit without considering that I wasn't ready to leave her. They also thought they could wake her up whenever they wanted to as well which really infuriated me as she was 7 weeks premature and quite vulnerable. I was also struggling to breast feed so really needed the breaks when she did eventually sleep. In addition, they never stuck to what we said about how we wanted to raise her and would go against us whenever they could. Unfortunately it totally ruined the first few months of her life as it made me so stressed and anxious.

It got so bad that in the end I just refused to see them and so they only saw my baby when my husband took her round which was every other weekend so they lost out really. My husband found the whole situation very difficult as he could see that they were behaving badly but they are still his parents and he loves them and wanted them to be involved. It caused a lot of friction between us even though he was usually very supportive towards me.

Recently things have dramatically improved and we are now back on friendly terms. They have realised that they need to be respectful towards our wishes. As a result they now see her a lot more often and have looked after her a few times for us.

I am really hoping that things stay good as I am expecting a 2nd baby in a few weeks and could do with all the help I can get.

 

[fairyprincess]

Funny how I posted that above comment and then literally an hour later I got my BFP and my MIL has been a pain in the arse ever since! X

 

[kaz1983]

The inlaws were on holiday wdn we had our daughter so she was 5days old before they met her it was all going well they brought us lovely gifts for her and then...........a christeninv gown came out i smiled thru gritted teeth and lkd to hubby fof help as it was so presumptious of them and the gown well its still hanging in the wardrobe never been worn i felt like they were pushing ux into something we hadnt even talkd about and at just 5days old my hormo es were all over the place there was slso issues over feeding an fil smoking hubby an i fell out x few times so this time il tfll them if im no happy xx

 

[babyslog]

FIL is worse!

Doesn't just butt in our how we parent but also our bloody realtionship as a couple!!! Lol


Jog on mate

 

[lisa1985]

I have a good relationship with my MIL, but I can already sense that since having our little girl 2 and a half weeks ago that things could change! does not help that my OH is so close to her he will always stick up for her and I can never say anything against her without him getting funny with me. Luckily she knows when she is being a bit opinionated and usually says sorry and to just ignore it. It can get a bit annoying though. x

 

[kittyrooroo]

God my mil is a nightmare. Both me and oh are 26 but she treats us like children, very patronising, assuming we don't know what we're doing and constantly pushing 'advice' on us. Even worse, she never offers any help, no babysitting but will tell anyone who listens that she looks after our little one all the time!! Now we're expecting number 2 and it's still early days so haven't told her. I'm not looking forward to it, she said we'd ruined our lives when we were pregnant with the first.

I'm trying to just ignore her really. I'm taking it as jealousy because she was a really crap mum!

 

[GF91]

Mine are total pains in the bum. Didn't bother with me while I was pregnant, then sadly my MIL was working the night I had my little girl (she works on maternity) and she burst into the labour room completely unannounced and uninvited about 2 hours after I had her and refused to leave for AGES! She's still a pain in the arse. She'll send me a text and if I don't answer within 10 minutes she'll text again and if I still don't reply she'll keep calling me every 15 minutes and if I don't answer she gets the FIL to call my husband and ask why I haven't answered her and am I ignoring her? She doesn't think I might possibly be busy, just that I'm ignoring her

 

[russellmuscle]

We lived with the inlaws until we got our own place. We got on great.

Theyv always been the sort you need to go to them ie Christmas days etc. MIL doesnt offer to do anything, doesnt visit regular and generally doesnt bother her arse unless we take Jackson there.

I think since having Jackson our relationship hasnt changed as such because we still get on great. However since having J and seeing the comparison in effort between my mum and her is just madness.

My mum calls to speak and check in on Jacksons, asks to visit places with him, collects him from nursery. I get none of that from MIL but Im not fussed because I know with my mum or us hes trully wanted.

Sometimes relationships change because our views dramatically change aswell. MIL was always one to ignore instructions given to her by BIL which I didnt get involved with at the time, but when it was my turn it deffo made me change my views because I was now the mother she would have ignored.

xxxx

 

[oliviarose]

my inlaws are an absolute nightmare! they always think they know whats best for my child! find it hard to bite my tongue sometimes! going to be a nightmare now as baby number 2 is now on the way. wish me luck!

 

[Rhelen91]

Gosh I feel this might be a long post, but I've never liked the inlaws. My OHs parents divorced and remarried when my OH was a toddler, his father moved down south then, and his mother moved to ireland when my OH was 16, leaving him behind. So he didnt see much of either of them, and only kept in touch via phonecalls. Suddenly when I met my OH they both became very interested. After 4 months we got a house together and for the first time in years the inlaws arranged visits to see their son. His mother invited herself to stay with us in our ONE bed flat for a week (and drove me insane!) And his father stayed with another family member nearby but visited us. Neither of them struck me as delightful people. When we found out I was pregnant his father crossed a line by announcing the news to people on facebook and telephoning people before we had a chance to do it ourselves (I was very early on, and quite unwell with no certainty of how the pregnancy was going) so I was distraught and had a big fall out with him over it. His mother visited when I was 7 months pregnant and tried to guilt me into going out in the town for drinks because it was my OHs birthday, we had already planned other things, yet had to cancel them and compromise to keep her happy. Instead we went to a pub close to home (where I drank water) and eventually were allowed to go home at 11pm. After my daughter was born it only got worse. My OHs father travelled up to "help out with travel" when I went into labour. He had offered to drive my OH home from the hospital as I was being kept in (nice enough..) only he invited himself into the delivery suite 15 minutes after Hollie was born, and remained there well past visiting hours until staff had to remove him as I was being moved to the new mums ward. The next morning he invited himself onto that ward and picked my baby up without asking. He sat there for hours despite being asked to leave by myself and my partner, and finally I text my mum asking her to ring the ward switchboard and ask for a midwife to come and remove him. After that he went home in a huff and left us alone for a while, but then it was the bloody mothers turn. She landed a week after Hollie was born, and just turned up at the house whilst I was trying to get me and baby bathed, dressed and fed. She got in the way, upset me several times, and then insisted I get out of the house, and made me walk around for 2 hours (with stitches and everything) and kept picking my daughter up (even after smoking and not washing her hands) and asking my OH to take pictures. Eventually I lost my cool and said I refused to have her anywhere near us again until she learned some respect, and we called my OHs dad and told him the same. After several months they each got one more chance and both blew them spectacularly. So now neither of them see my daughter, and they wont be seeing this baby either. His mother wrote me a snotty letter a few months ago saying I was being completely unreasonable and that I was spiteful and punishing my daughter by not letting her have a relationship with her grandmother. As if slagging me off would make me change my mind! Ugh. Sorry for the huge rant. Lol

 

[MamaJay]

Oh i get on great with my partners mother, shes really REALLY laid back. His dad however. Good grief talk about control freak! My partner usually did whatever to have an easy life but since the babys been born hes took a stand. His dad was going elsewhere for christmas dinner- his plans fell through and he then demanded we go to his house! Id already made plans with my mum....then his dad caused blue MURDER over us going down (even though he was fobbing us off originally!) My partner put his foot down though. Said basically no chance.

My LO was also given my surname- were not married and we both agreed when we do get married (were engaged) we want us all to change together as a family.

WELL his dad then made the comment 'why hasnt she got your name? isnt she your or something?'

Hes an old fashioned, ignorant nightmare of a man!

 

[violet13]

My mother has changed she wants us to only spend time with her with our lb but my dhs family have barely seen him so it was hell at Christmas way too much stress....I think we're going to have problems xxx

 

[Lilalylola]

Yes my mother in law is a pain in the arse! While before the kids came along we really got along really well! She feels like her way is the only 'good' way.
When my son was born it was a disaster from day one! That's why I kept her on a fair distance when our daughter was born.
She feels she has a say in everything, like how many kids we would have!
We were out all together for a meal when I was pregnant with son, when my husbands sister in law asked US if we wanted any more after son was born , she answered;
No! One is enough!
There is a lot more that has happened and things she has said, very painfull and horrible things.
Last month I was pregnant, when OH told her she asked if he really wanted another child and suggested abortion.

That makes me wonder because she has 3 children! Why does she feels she has a say.
I know she raised 3 kids, but to be honest I am not very much impressed by 2 of them.

 

[love87]

i am blessed with my in-laws. to be honest I don't bother with them much (that sounds awful) I visit once a week and that's enough for me. my family on the other hand became a nightmare, couldn't get rid of them, all had their 2 pence worth to stick in, I love my family but I also love my life just the way it is, peaceful and quiet. but they became a big pain in the arse!!!

 

[twinkle90]

Sometimes my in laws are a nightmare, I came out of hospital with DD1 at around 5pm on the Friday, they were round the house like an hour later uninvited, I was in bed, knackered from a 3 day induction process, sore and just wanted to sleep. mIL comes barging upstairs asking if I needed anything. I said yes, sleep! She soon buggered off. They have never visited our house because apparently its always messy and too small. Insulting cow!!! They have always treated DD1 differently to their first granddaughter (BILs daughter). They never take our LO out but always GD1. Our LO is now 2, and we have said that if they do take her out she's not to sleep late in the afternoons otherwise she wont sleep at night, so what happens, they let her sleep and she's bouncing off the walls at nighttime. FIL is a swine for giving out sweets and chocolate, I dont mind but not at bloody 6pm when her bedtime is 7pm. We've said countless not to. Theirs been other times but way too much to mention. MIL trying to take over does my head in. Im pregnant with DD2, due in a couple of weeks, and I'm dreading it this time round.

 

[russellmuscle]

Thats my big fear, fam swarming round.

Im contemplating not telling anyone until I get a good kipp

xxxx