In laws!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by xmcnickyx, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. xmcnickyx

    xmcnickyx Well-Known Member

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    I know it's a total cliche by my MIL has done my head in! I used to get on really well with her, she's a nice enough lady but since I've had Molly I don't like her as much. Not sure if it's just me being over protective and sensitive about Molly or if she is actually a cow!

    My in-laws don't live near us and we went to see them last weekend. Stayed with the MIL for a couple of days and FIL and his wife for one night. She just seemed so disappointed with Molly. She does cry a lot at the moment and most people are really understanding about it and just shrug it off with the ole 'She's a baby, that's what they do!' thing but MIL seemed wierd at times. My husband knew I was a bit annoyed by his mum but knew what I meant when I said why she did my head in but he reckons she was just a bit disapointed she didn't see the best of Molly. I get that but him and me don't see the best of her most days and yet we try and stay cheerful and encouraging!

    First thing was the way she kept saying Molly. Its was like you would tell a kid off. She seemed to not say 'Aww, Molly' it was more in a 'do you have to' kind of tone.

    We went to visit my SIL who has a little girl 10 days younger than Molly. She's a really laid back baby and just sits and looks around a bit. When Molly was crying, MIL said to her 'Look Molly, Amirah's not crying!' as if Molly is supposed to realise she's being a bit of a pain and sort herself out or something! Any time SIL and I talk about anything related to cot death, MIL poo poo's the whole thing. SIL puts the baby on her stomach to sleep and we were talking about why you're not supposed to and stuff, I'd said how I'd read something about SIDS being reduced hugely since the advice for this changed and MIL started going on about how she put my husband on his stomach and he's not dead! And how you shouldn't believe evrything you read! I've had conversations with her about this stuff before and she acts like SIDS is some big conspiracy and someone has something to gain from setting the guidelines for it!

    The thing that pissed me off the most though was her being really mean about Molly not smiling for her. She asked her for a smile and Molly just carried on not smiling and she actually said to her 'I bet you smile for your other nan!' I think she thinks Molly is crying and not smiling just to spite her sometimes! So I said yes, one of the first proper smiles she did was for her Ninny (my mum) and tried to rub it in a bit!

    The night we stayed with my FIL could not have been more differnt though. Him and his wife were so nice to Molly, his wife was really understanding and empathetic about all the crying and Pops (FIL) just walked around with Molly constantly, trying to keep her happy whereas when MIL had hold of Molly and she was crying, I could hear her saying to Molly 'Nannys got a sore foot so we can't stand up forever!'

    I just get this feeling like she has a certain image of how she thinks babies should be and isn't happy if they don't conform.

    I don't know if I'm over reacting and being over protective or not. My sister said she felt a similar way about her FIL once she'd had kids and thinks it's just a case of MIL thinking she knows best and me disagreeing!

    Well done if you've made it to the end and what do you reckon? Did your relationships with your in-laws/partners families change when the kids came along?
     
  2. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    She sounds like a silly old bat who thinks babies are like they are in adverts - its been quite a while since shes had a baby so her view was obviously tarnished - good for molly for being stubborn and not smiling! that bit made me smile!

    Shes a baby though and babies cry! shes probably crying as well alot at your mil because she dont k now her and some babies freak at stangers - my daughter does, she wont smile at them and will cry! its a fact of life - if your mil wants to develop a relationship with her she puts up with the crying, the nappies and hard work that goes into her.

    As for the bit about sids - i have heard of a few mils that think we make this stuff up for the sake of it - sigh. But thank fully they are our children and we know whats best for them. By the way i didnt include my mil as shes quite cool and dont treat me like the proverbial muppet!

    Be honest with your mother in laew and tell her how you feel - best way to get things into the open and if your dh dont like it - tough!

    xxxxxxxx
     

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