alcohol.

[Riley's Mommy]

imo my OH is drinking too much. every time i tell him it turns into a massive arguement. and its driving me mad.

he drinks pretty much every night. even if its just one.

am i the only one who thinks he has a problem?

he says he isnt an alcoholic. he just likes a drink.

tonight was the icing on the cake.

he comes into me and says 'im going for a drink in a min'
then walks out.

no invite or nothing.

i then hear him on the phone to his mate. i cant stand this bloke.
so he was trying to arrange to meet up with him. then doesnt because this bloke is going to a different pub.

its only then after his mate says no. does he ask me. its like yeah thanks.

needless to say i said no. im not going to be second choice.

he has just said. you know where i am if you want to join me.

am i being silly? is his drinking normal?

i usually go with him to the pub. but tonight he has annoyed me so much im staying here.

were argueing so much at the moment. and with a baby on the way i dont know what to do.

i dont mind him drinking. but he is just doing it so much.

i mean for christ sake. we go to exeter with his parents to go shopping. where do we stay? in the blamin pub most the day. i only got to see a few shops.

im just so angry. am i selfish to think that with a baby on the way and no money he should be saving abit?

i just want to scream

 

[wend]

Hiya

Keslo66

So sorry to here you have got problems with your OH

I had this sort of problem a couple of months back with a family member who drank every night and sometime it could be only 1 can.

The first thing that we need to do was get this family member to admit that he had a drink problem so he could get some help .

It took a long time and eventually got him to admit it .

We then got him some help with a professional .

The professional informed him that because he felt he needed to drink everyday even if it was just 1 can he was infact an alcoholic.

In the end he got his life back on track .

Dont ever think you are been selfish i mean i 9 weeks tomorrow and i know im not past the 12 weeks stage yet but ive already been on at my hubby about saving .

I have even been really naughty and brought some baby things lol

At the end of the day you need all the money you can get and if that means start saving when your only 9 weeks then so be because the baby will be here in no time .

I know it sound horrible but have you asked him whats more important the baby or the drink ?

I know he will probley say the baby

you then need to say to him that hes got to stop with the drinking or at least calm down with it if he hasnt got a problem has you need to put the baby first now .

I no its hard hun but dont get upset about it cause it wont do bubba any good .

If he wants to do whats right for his child he will know what the right thing to do is .

Hope everything works out for you hun and dont forget to put you and bubba first

 

[Riley's Mommy]

thank you for replying i didnt know if anyone would.

he went 2 days once without a drink to 'prove to me' he can go without it.

wow. 2 days. your reply has comforted me alot. i thought it may have been me being silly or something.

im just so mad/upsed tonight.

had a long convo with my mom. she thinks he is drinking too much too.
and that he isnt supporting me.

i said to him, when i have the baby, im not going right back to work.
his reply was: well you will go back

me: eventually yes ill start doing a few hours

him: you will do more than that.

my family is a firm believer that the woman brings the child up until school age. then goes back to work. and i think that is fair. but i think he expects me to go back to work asap.

i dont know what to do. every convo is an arguement.

were so tight for money it is unreal.

going for 2pints he says. 11.40 and he isnt back 2 pints yeh right.

i thought about going out myself. but i havent got anywhere to go. and ive got no money and cant drink. so where would i go this time of night.

im just babbling now.

thank you for replying

 

[wend]

TBH i prefer to stay at home until the baby goes to school .

Not because i believe in that men should go out work whilst the women stay at home but because i feel gifted in having this baby after many years of ttc .

I believe that every women thinks diffrent and every mother knows whats best for there child .

If you believe you should stay at home or you want to stay at home with your baby then stick by your decision dont let anyone change your mind.

At the end of the day like i said before you know whats best with your child .

I know if my husband told me i would have to go back work after having my baby it would make me even more determined to stay at home even more.

I understand what you are going through hun im skint myself at the mo but i keep buying little things as i go along i think the main reason im skint is because of christmas lol .

The way i look at it is say it costs your OH £4.00 for 2 pints (tbh i dont know how much they cost cause its very rare i go out for a drink) times that by 7 thats about £28.00 per week add another £2 and next week that could buy you a moses baskets .

It sounds stupid but it could say another week it could buy blankets for the pram and cot .

Its not fair how he tells you hes going out for 2 pints only and he isnt back till late my thoughts are that he having more then 2 pints.

He should be spending time with you has you will lose most of that once the baby arrives plus he cant be going out till all hours once the baby comes .

I mean im not saying dont treat yourselves dont get me wrong but instead of him drink prohaps once every month you could go for a meal or to the pics to spend time together at least that way you are both doing something you like .

Im here to help and please dont feel you are babbling on because as the saying goes "better out then in"

 

[Alfiesmummy]

Ian drinks alot and has always been an argument between us, he said "i just enjoy a few drinks" a few drinks or a crate a night? he was always out then came home the day b4 my 12wk scan 2 find id locked him out and his case was in the hall outside(we lived in a flat) he slept outside all night waiting for me to come out the next day i let him come to the scan and after seeing it he stopped going out had a max of 2 cans a nite which gradually got less and doesnt drink much at all anymore, with a few weeks he moved us out of the flat into a small but beautifull house and is a fantastic daddy, his behaviour has turned right around because he risked losing the 2 most precious things to him - i know it was a bit extreme and risky but i had done everything it was my last shot and if he'd of gone then it would of been his loss, but when i said he could come back it was on the condition we came first not beer he could have a family or a life partying, he chose us and has stayed true to his promise and we r much happier and im more in love with him.
i dont agree with using a child as a weapon but in this case it was for my babies benefit.

 

[Sabrina]

Hi Keslo,

tbh I think perhaps your OH does have a drinking problem. Even if it's only one can a night it shows he wants a drink regularly, and perhaps needs it too.

I have a problem going into pubs at the moment because I'm worried about all the smoke affecting the baby. I've been really reluctant to go out to anything where I know it's going to be smokey. So, if you were thinking like me would that mean you'd sit in on your own every night? That wouldn't be a lot of fun would it?

Is there anyone else who could have a gentle word with your OH about this? Maybe a male relative or friend? Perhaps he could aim to cut down the nights he goes to the pub as you progress in the pregnancy. That way you'd both be compromising for the future of your little one.

Hang in there,
Sabrina
x

 

[PyscoFalcon]

My dad's an alcoholic - always has been but dosen't admit it and nither does my mum even tho he's ended up in hospital with it and they told him he has to stop or he'll loose his liver. He still drinks £30 worth of booze a night.

Anyway my point is that my mum had to go back to work practicallly when I was born so I hardly saw her.

I hardly saw either of them and was at various peoples houses and care places and I hated it. Now I harldy get on with my parents.

Yes it's made me more independant but it also ment I hardly had anything and learnt to keep my emotions locked up until they ruined me.

If you can get through to your husband that this is what could happen to your child if he dosen't stop or reduce it to once a week (say Friday night) then it'll be great.

 

[Riley's Mommy]

thanks for the replys guys. its really helped. sorry i took a while to reply. i wanted to make sure he wouldnt see this post. as he would go mental.

on the way to town yesterday we had an arguement about it. and i said 'do you realise you are going to be a dad' . he just went off on one saying of course i realise. im good to you. most blokes get women up the duff and leave them yeah cuz thats the point isnt it.

he also accused me of being jealus that i cant drink. i dont even really miss it. i mean yeh, id have liked just the one last night. but i didnt even have a shandy bass. the stroke of midnight i was there with a coke lol.

i think im going to let it die down for a couple of days. and if he still keeps drinking alot. then ill say something again.

it didnt help that my dad told him 'if you want a drink have one. no harm in that'

i could have gone mad at him. it feels like he isnt supporting me. but supporting him.

at the end of the day, im not having my child around alcohol everynight. and he will realise that.

 

[Sabrina]

Hi Keslo,

just wanted to offer some support and say "stick to your guns". If you feel strongly about this then it's worth making the point over again. I'm sure he'll get the message..eventually.



Sabrina
x

 

[TipsyDipsy]

That is a pathetic exuse that you should feel happy with any behaviour because most guys leave their pregnant girlfriends. WTF
Hun don't listen to him you don't have to feel grateful and put up with unreasonable behaviour just because he isn't walking away and if he thinks that then its up to you to you to show him he has to be a contributing partner to your relationship and not be there causing you grief and setting a bad example to your child.

 

[emilia]

If I had to meet this guy in an alleyway, I would headbutt him!!! No really.... I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! It's just not on. This guy has to realise that he has responsibilities and if he thinks he's doing you one almighty favour by "being good to you", then I suggest you kick him up the arse and tell him to F off!

I have a friend who's going through something similar and her partner is making her life HELL! It did'nt take him very long either to get heavy handed .... I can't stand him!

I know he's your partner, but you deserve better than this! You're going to be a mummy and then it becomes YOUR responsibility to make sure that the environment you bring your child up in, is good!

I know I'm sounding harsh - I'm sorry..... I just can't stand selfish arses like this!!! From me to him.....

Emilia xx

 

[emx279]

i know how you feel, when i had my first daughter my oh was going out drinking all the time, we had no money we were both on benefits then. got loads of debts now to pay off but he would rather go out drinking than pay any bills or any rent, or help me out

 

[Minime]

DD's dad was like this. He was tight with his money as beer came first. He even paid for my driving lessons so that I could be his taxi to and from the pub as payback. After I left he still rang me for lifts because I "owed him" yer right!

I got fed up of being 20 and stuck in every day & night with him doing what the hell he liked and a baby having no impact on his lifestyle.

I left when she was 20 months old and I found out that during access he'd take her to the Dock pub (name speaks for itself) and leave her on the pool table whilst he sat at the bar
The landlady recognised DD when she was with me and told me what was going on. I stopped access immediately as it also meant he was drink driving (I'd already been in one crash with him when he'd lied about how much he'd had)
I put in writing that he must wholly abstain from alcohol during access periods and the first thing he said was is charlie chalks ok? Its still a pub you moron!!! Access was one sunday a fortnight, clearly too much to ask. He used to bitch about giving me £40 a MONTH yet doesnt think twice about putting £25 a week in a fruit machine. I hammered him with CSA

Alcohol destroys lives, I work with alcohol misusers, they all started similar, yeah yeah its only a couple of pints a night. These same people have alcohol related dementia (korsakoffs) have ascites (their abdomen swells severely) liver cirrhosis, Hep C and theyre in their 20's upwards, some are former professionals like nurses and teachers. What a waste