can i have a hug please :(

[Toonlass]

MOAN ALERT!!!

I'm not well lasses You might have noticed i've been a bit quiet on here lately. I struggle with depression, have done for 11 years, i'm up and down like a yo yo normally but it seems the yoyo is stuck dangling at the bottom of the string lately.

I dread going to bed every night because i know that as soon as i fall asleep, the next thing i know it will be another day. Its not the kids! They are hard work but thats what i signed up for. Jacob's behaviour has become difficult but Lucas is so laid back that its not a problem to deal with.

I don't know why but i just hate my life! I concentrate so much on putting on a happy bubbly front that every now and then real life catches up with me and i crash. I feel so fat and unatractive, i feel so lonely even tho i have the company of my kids everyday, i miss work. Just getting myself and the kids ready to go out every day is a chore and once were ready i cant drive myself to actually go out.

Everything seems so hard right now but i cant talk to anyone because everyone knows me as a funny, happy lass and i dont want people to think i am a basket case. I didnt even want you guys to know the truth about how screwed up i feel but i need to talk it out.

What to do ladies, what to do!!!???!! xx

 

[hayels]

sorry am really rubbish at saying the right thing but am quit good at hugs so am sending u a massive hug and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Aw Hun, hugs!! I noticed your facebook status earlier about getting asked for I. D!! That's a great complement!! Your doing a fab job with the kids, why don't you have a night off, get a babysitter and let your hair down?! Hope you feel better soon x x

 

[FebMum2Be]

Aww Toon hun We all love you to bits we are all here for u! Are u going to the PF meet up?? That would probably be a great idea to get u away from everything and enjoy yourself.. Are you and OH getting on any better? Have you thought about/had counseling? xxxxx

 

[Toonlass]

i went out on the town last saturday, it was a really good night but once again it was a front to please everyone. Really i couldn't be bothered and wanted to stay in and curl into a ball. Urghhhh i need to give my head a shake!! xx

 

[Toonlass]

yeah febmum, i am going on the meet

I had a phsycologist used to come to my house every week but she talked about herself all the time, labelled me (borderline personallity dissorder and bi-polar) then didn't come back, i felt very let down xx

 

[MrsR]

Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs x x I'm also complete shite at saying the right thing! My offer still stands chick and you'd be the skinny one of us! I'm freaking massive! Lol x having the kids for company is great but they're not really company iyswim-not like adult company x are there any groups nearby you could join? I know this is a stupid suggestion as if you have no motivation how are you going to go to a group meeting?! But it's an idea? x hope you feel better soon honey x

 

[Heulyn]

Oh honey, I know how you feel.
I was given anti-depressants by the doc, and didn't takethem, because I felt I'm too young to be on them.
Now I can't take them because I'm preggers, and I'm glad, but the hormones are only going to make us feel worse.

Some days I just feel so disgusting, I just want to lay down and cry.
I'll rip out my entire wardrobe, putting things on, and taking them off, and just getting sooo ANGRY!
I eventually just burst into tears.
My poor OH bears the brunt of it too.

I really don't think there is anything I can do to help, but I am here to talk, and understand, if you need it.

Hoping your bad spell breaks soon hun, it's awful feeling that way xxx

 

[vixforever]

So sorry you're feeling like this Toon x x I suffer antenatal depression and I have to put on a front everyday, like you everyone knows me as such a bubbly, chirpy happy lass, when some days I just want to scream. We're all here to support you hun x x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

sweetie, the first part is realising that you have EVERY RIGHT to feel how you do right now. You have two young children, you ARE doing a great job and if you need to just sit back and go 'Meh!' every now and again you should NOT feel guilty for that.

I am also bi-polar, i have been refusing tablets for it for around 12 years now and have concentrated on leveling myself out.

Rather than going out clubbing or doing anything high energy, concentrate on having nice, chilled times with a few close friends when you can really open out to people, when you can be yourself and cry if you need to and scream if you need to and belly laugh and everything in between

But most of all, dont think your abnormal for feeling the way you do and DONT feel guilty for overreacting or mis-judging or anything like that

life is a journey, not a completion so the way i look at it, is if every year i am getting a bit better, then i am not getting worse, there is no special pill you can take to make it all easier right away, but i promise you... If you stick at it, pick yourself up every time you fall and learn what you can from what life throws at you, when you look back in 3 years you will realise just how far you have come

Also, i have three year cycles, in that time i will have low points, angry points and happy points - learning my cycle means i beat myself up less when i do go a bit pear shaped because i know its my chemicals doing funny things and i cant really help it so much

perhaps keep a diary and try and work out your cycle

you will find a way lady, it will be easier and there will be days when you wonder what all the fussy is about, just as there will be days when you cant imagine lasting to the next one

hugs, love and support to you - i wont tell you it will all be fine because it wont ALL be fine, but some of it will be and you will take strength from those times xxx

 

[Toonlass]

alot of what you said just makes so much sense, thank you so much xx

 

[Terrie]

xxxxxxxx

 

[Mamafy]

Big bum lol has just made a lot of sense, I hoped it helped hun

You need put on any front with usn concentrate on getting better xoxox

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh Toon, sending you a big hug , I wondered why i hadn't seen you in a bit

I know nothing of this bi-polar thing, but I did get post natel Depression after my first baby for ages.

I wanted to be that great mum, that managed everything, kids were always happy and the house was pefect etc and coping really well etc, wasn't going to be. An,d shouldn't have to be.

I know what worked for me, was to not worry about pretending to be me, but to just try to take a day at a time, and set myself one simple task every day. Something tht I knew I could achieve, eg going out to a baby group where I could talk to other mums. or making the meal I wanted to make for tea, or doing one basket of ironing. or sending a card of present or doing something nice for someone I know. And do you know one thing led tok another, and I felt good, even if I only acomplished a tiny task, I decided to do that, and then did it, control was back to me of a sorts, gives you a warm and fussy feeling!!!

I actually found it far easier if I went to a baby group in the morning and afternoon iof I could, or storytime at library etc, out was much easier than hiding myself away.

Don't forget PF is a form of chat therapy, and sharing your troubles really does help you, as you are reconising what is happening, and trying to find ways of coping , and handling them - see you doing great alreadyXXX JJ

 

[Mamafy]

Btw I'm using my phone and its shit for typo's

 

[Toonlass]

Any excuse chick xx

 

[vixforever]

I blame my iPhone for bad spelling sometimes

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Oh Hun a lot of what you and big bump have said has rung very true with me tbh! Since I was young I've suffered quite badly, but put a brave face on constantly! I've never been to the docs cos I'd feel daft lol! But I have a few weeks where all I do is sit on the sofa and cry and think how much better off my girls would be with someone else! Then I've learnt to snap myself out of it some how, I dunno how! I've been making A lot more of an effort to make myself go out recently and just getting out the house seems to help! I literally had to force myself at first, but I could see myself spiralling downwards and knew I couldn't let that happen with the girls! You know my phones a permenant attachment to me if you want an ear hun xxxx