I was meant to have an amazing 8 days with my man on his R&R this past week and it was ruined. That stupid cow is using her baby as a toy and is being more then rude and abusive and I can't take any more messages over whatever I'm meant to be today. I can't take my little Angels name being dragged through the mud anymore and I can't stand by and let her just walk all over people when L's brother has a beautiful video of her very drunkenly declaring the amount of men she drugged to get pregnant. I can't do this. I'm on my 9th panic attack today already and it's been this way most of the time L was home. It's not F*CKING FAIR. nobody knowns whose he is and I know shes claiming benefits she shouldn't be having because she says shes living on her own and isn't and I know she earns a DAMN site more then she claims she does. WTF am I meant to do. I keep having dreams that he comes back from tour, goes back to see friends for a week then I get a text saying he's staying with her they're going to make a go of it. He's all I have. I honestly believe I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. And it wouldn't have been intentionally, it's just when I'm upset I don't feel hungry and just after Billie left us I don't think I ate for about 4 days and still didn't feel hungry but he forced me to have something and checks that I eaten at least once a day whether he's home or not. Sorry for the rant I'm just in pain physically and emotionally and I can't stand by anymore but I don't know what to do.