Dont know if I can be with him anymore :(

[KirstyL]

as it says really. since my gorgeous little man has been here my OH and i are always arguing - I don't think both of us being tired really helps tbh.
Anyway yesterday I happened to mention another baby (not yet, cause Jacob is just 6 weeks old, but in a couple of years I'd love another little one), and he said "I'm not having anymore, why can't you just be happy with Jacob?". Please girls, tell me if I'm being totally out of order with him - I am happy with Jacob, I'm over the moon, he was very much wanted and very much loved, and he makes me smile everyday, but I'm just saying that I'd like another one.

OH said he's too old to have anymore (he's 36), that he wants to enjoy his life when kids are grown up, doesn't just want to be a dad, but wants to be himself too, that we can't afford it, that he hates me when I'm pregnant cause I turn into a looney bitch and he doesn't want to do it again, etc etc, then started calling me a bitch, telling me I'm selfish and that it isn't just about me, why can't I be happy with what I've got, that there's no way I'm having another one. I'm only 32, I didn't realise Jacob would be my last (he's my second). It's horrible to think I'll never be pregnant again, never have that little life growing inside me, never feel a baby kick or experience everything about pregnancy, never go through childbirth, or hold my newborn baby again, its really sad, and I feel horrible and selfish for wanting that again when he flat out doesn't.

He doesn't seem to understand, he just says I want want want, and I can never be happy with what I've got. We had a massive argument and in the end I just turned round and told him to could leave then, because I didn't see the point in being with somebody when one wants another baby and one doesn't, because that's a big difference that can't be resolved, so he just said that obviously all I want him for is babies, and he doesn't mean anything to me - which isn't true. I just don't know what to do, it's a horrible feeling

Sorry for the rant girlies.xx

 

[Princess81]

I guess maybe he just needs more time? You have a very small baby still and lots of men freak out about the idea of one baby, let alone two. Me and my o/h have waited so long for this baby (through choice mostly) and he/she is not even born yet and o/h is already saying NO MORE! lol. I think they need more time than we do to get used to the idea, maybe their imaginations aren't that good? x

 

[natashateale]

I think men do freak out after having a baby. If u imagen how scare we r when we hold our babies, we dont want to hurt them, and we r the maternal ones lol. Can u imagen what it is like for a bloke??
My OH was so scared when our LO came into the world and completely freaked when i mentioned i wanted another eventually (this was when my LO was about 18months) Then one she turned 2 i mentioned it again and again didnt really say much. Just before she turned 3 we started to talk about it and now trying. Men change their minds just like us woman, u hear about woman say never again but a few years down the line they do. They forget the experiance.
Me and my OH argued all the time when LO was born (i got postnatal depression) but u have to work extra hard when a baby is hear, it is hard hun x

 

[Maria1977]

I think he needs to have a little calm down and realising how he was coming across was not necessary and he could've talked about it a bit more rationally!

I totally understand where you are coming from, my OH asked me when Oz was about 5 weeks old 'so when are we having another?' more jokingly coz I hated being pregnant and I was like 'well blah blah blah' all for it, his face was so shocked lol

I think when baby comes out into the real world we miss them being safe inside us where we know they are safe and nourished, even though pregnancy is hard work it's upsetting when it's over. Even though we love our babies, it doesn't take away from that, it's just so hard to explain and probably even harder for men to understand, esp when they've seen pregnancy take its toll on us and hear us moan to get baby out out OUT lol

Sorry I don't have any advice or words or wisdom lol. I do think you need to have the conversation again though, with him remaining calm and if he really doesn't want any more (even in a few years time), but you do then you both have alot of thinking and talking to do!

I know I want to have another baby and it's very important to me, I didn't realise how much until recently and I don't know if I could be with someone who didn't want that also because I don't know how I could accept that!

xxxxxxx

 

[KirstyL]

I think men do freak out after having a baby. If u imagen how scare we r when we hold our babies, we dont want to hurt them, and we r the maternal ones lol. Can u imagen what it is like for a bloke??
My OH was so scared when our LO came into the world and completely freaked when i mentioned i wanted another eventually (this was when my LO was about 18months) Then one she turned 2 i mentioned it again and again didnt really say much. Just before she turned 3 we started to talk about it and now trying. Men change their minds just like us woman, u hear about woman say never again but a few years down the line they do. They forget the experiance.
Me and my OH argued all the time when LO was born (i got postnatal depression) but u have to work extra hard when a baby is hear, it is hard hun x

Yeah I think you're right, it's gotta be weird for them I guess.
It sounds like your OH had a change of heart, once he realised babies aren't scary, and they won't break when you hold them! You're lucky, I really do think my OH won't change his mind, he keeps throwing all number of excuses...(sorry I mean reasons!) at me.

HV came out to see me yesterday and I all but burst into tears, lol. She did a PND test on me, and apparantly I got 12, which she said was a low score, so she's going to mention it to my Dr, but I remember before LO was born, I was seeing a counsellor for depression after my dad died, and Oh said I didn't have depression, the way I was acting and behaving was just the way I am, so I dont hold out much hope, but who knows, pig might fly!!

 

[KirstyL]

I think he needs to have a little calm down and realising how he was coming across was not necessary and he could've talked about it a bit more rationally!

Haha, I'll let you be the one to tell him to calm down, lol! He usually is so laid back, but he's so adamant over this, I don't know what to do

I think when baby comes out into the real world we miss them being safe inside us where we know they are safe and nourished, even though pregnancy is hard work it's upsetting when it's over. Even though we love our babies, it doesn't take away from that, it's just so hard to explain and probably even harder for men to understand, esp when they've seen pregnancy take its toll on us and hear us moan to get baby out out OUT lol

Oh you are so right, it's really hard to explain to him, he doesn't understand really, and I can't expect him to, of course its different for men and women. He didn't like that my hormones were all over, happy one day and in tears the next, he said some days he didn't dare speak to me incase I shouted at him, and I was she devil some times, but that doesn't mean I didn't love him and less, but he doesn't want to go through again (can't really blame him for that!)

Sorry I don't have any advice or words or wisdom lol. I do think you need to have the conversation again though, with him remaining calm and if he really doesn't want any more (even in a few years time), but you do then you both have alot of thinking and talking to do!
I know I want to have another baby and it's very important to me, I didn't realise how much until recently and I don't know if I could be with someone who didn't want that also because I don't know how I could accept that!
xxxxxxx

You are right, we definately do need to talk again, I might leave it a little while though, but not too long, because if he definately doesn't want anymore, then I don't think I can be with him, because as I said, that's a problem that can't be fixed, no matter what we do. He said to me last night that we are in no position atm to even think about another baby because we argue all the time - I know we have a lot to sort out with him and I, but if there is definately no chance, then I think it's over

That may sound harsh and blasé, I don't mean it too, I just feel really strongly, although he thinks he doesn't mean anything to me, if thats how I feel. I just wish he could understand, and wouldn't just think I was being selfish

xxx