can get the picture out of my mind

[Iwant3]

I keep thinking I'm ok and getting over my miscarriage, but keep getting flashes of the moment I wiped and my bean was on the toilet paper - and then the next day when the sac came away! it's a horrific sight and feeling! I never want to see it again!

I also keep hearing over and over words that various doctors had said over those 3 days.

Anything and everything is reminding me of what I have lost. feel so empty.

I want the happy feeling that having my bean inside me gave me!

 

[Lozzaste]

I know 100% exactly how you feel. I returned to work today and I'm so tearful. Luckily I'm working from home.
I didn't look at mine when it came out but my husband did, he said it came out in its sac and was quite big. He knew what it was instantly. So did I but I refused to look, but in some ways I wish I had. I see you didn't get that choice and I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I'm feeling crushing disappointment, anger at my bad luck at having two within exactly 5 months of each other (5th Jun and 5th Nov) and both at 11wks. I think we are both experiencing the hormonal crash too, and after last time when I barely cried, I know it's good to let it all out now than have it bite you in the bum later.
I wish I could say something to comfort you, I'm rubbish at this!
The one thing I'm having trouble dealing with us people assuming (and in some cases actually saying) "oh it's only live a heavy period" or "oh at that stage is only cells" If I hear that one more time!!!!!!!!

The main thing we know is that we have hope for the future. I hope very much your next bean is a sticky one and that you start to feel better soon xxxxx

 

[stephttc]

It's really tough isn't it! I don't think it's until you've actually been through it that you realise how much it hurts!

I know exactly how you feel although was fortunate enough that when I was first scanned there was little to be seen! I can imagine its so much harder when you have the photographic memory!

My husband keeps telling me that when people say these things that they only mean well however I do think that some people just havnt got a clue what they shouldn't say in these situations and quite frankly should keep their mouths shut!

I had a mini meltdown yesterday when my wicked stepmom told me to stop getting upset because I wand by the only woman to ever have a miscarriage - I could have punched her in the gob!!!

I do think our hormones are all over the place which is why we are on this hormonal roller coaster - the occasional bar of chocolate tends to help me (I'm sure there's something in chocolate to make you feel better)

I hope we can all try and find some peace very soon and with Gods will we can move forward and be blessed with our babies very soon xxxx

 

[Mrsmack]

I know how you feel, I knew what was happening but it didn't actually pass for a few days and it was such a shock to see it on the paper. I didn't take anytime off work and find myself suddenly thinking of it which isn't good. Things will hopefully get better for us soon X xxxx

 

[Mellymoomin06]

So sorry for you hun...I dont have any advice but wanted to offer my big hugs xxxx

 

[Iwant3]

yes it's not so much the scan picture that haunts me it's the seeing the little bean on the toilet paper! horrific......!

I to worked throughout, was working the day I first had the scan and was working the day I passed everything! carry on regardless, am self employed and cannot just stop working.......

 

[JJ Mum]

I just bled for england , but didn't pass that bit till they did an emergency d&C after I went to A&E, as I just kept contracting and bleeding, but the stuff was not coming away, so didn't see that bit, but the terribley wrong scan picture is still very easy to see in my head, so I really feel for you right now, hugs X It will get easier to manage, and memories will blur a little, but like the other lady said, if you hadn't seen it, you may have still felt sad/regret the other way round.

Once you are able and ready to ttc again, you may find as I did that this terriblely lonely limbo time has finished and you will have the focus on ttc again, and get your mojo back a little more... hang in there X

 

[jojo3972]

So sorry ur going through such a traumatic experience lovely this is one of the reasons I opted for an erpc amongst other reasons but I couldn't bare to see what came out , I had an mc many many yrs ago natural and I was quite far around10-12 weeks and I still have that memory in the bk of my memory and it doesn't come out very often but wen it does its horrible nobody should have to see that massive (((((((hugs))))))) xxxxx

 

[Sproglett]

Awww hun I'm so sorry you can't get this image out your mind, my first I lost at 9 1/2 weeks and it took me 3 weeks to actually "pass" my baby, I can assure you it does get easier x x