Bit of a rant...

[Jayjay027]

Ok, this may be a long one, but I'll try and give u the basics only.

Bit of background info, my MIL has never been my biggest fan, I've never done anything wrong but she's just never taken to me.
Another bit of background info - my DH has a second cousin (we'll call her Dina) who, despite being related by blood, has always had a thing for him, and always assumed they'd get married (I know!! Lol) she is 33 and still single.

About 3 days after we returned from honeymoon last year, my MIL told my DH that he should have married Dina, and that its legal, and to keep her in mind 'for future reference' - to which DH said he never had any interest in Dina and never would, and that's he's very happy with me. They are related through my MIL.

So, as most of u know, my FIL passed away on Sunday, and on Monday, DH and I spent the day at the house while people were coming and going giving their condolences. Dina's parents (who I'd never met) arrived, and I'm not exaggerating, her mother glared at me for 30mins. A real nasty, hateful look on her face. She also blatantly changed the subject when every1 was asking about my baby, then she blatantly changed the subject again when every1 was asking about my photography. She then hugged every1 as she was leaving, and walked right by me as if I didn't exist!

I didn't think any more of it until the funeral on Weds, when we were outside the church my mum pulled me aside and asked me who was the woman giving me daggers. I looked over and it was Dina's mother!! Apparently she had been giving me daggers for 10mins before my mum said anything, and even after I looked at her, she didn't look away. A few other people also noticed and asked me why she was staring at me with a mean look on her face?!

Dina, by this point, hadn't gone anywhere near my DH as I had been by his side all day. After the burial, we had tea and coffee in the church hall, and as soon as I sat down away from DH, Dina ran across the room and threw her arms around him, then stuck to him like velcro.
Meanwhile, Dina's mother is chatting to my FIL's sister, and is pointing over at me, so obv talking about me!!

After a while of this happening, I went to stand next to DH again, who still had Dina hanging off him, and he put his arm around me (ha!) But he then leaves us to say goodbye to someone who was going home. As soon as DH walks away, Dina glares at me, so I turn and politely introduce myself. She says 'congratulations on the...' Then points at my belly, then turns her back to me!
At this point, a few friends of mine and DH ask me if I want to go outside for air, and they all say how fake Dina was and asked me if we'd had a problem before?! I'd never met this girl before so I had no problem with her but she clearly has a problem with me!
They also noticed her mother had been staring at me in the church hall, which I hadn't even noticed myself!

I was made to feel SO uncomfortable and awkward because of them, and the more I think about it, the angrier I am that they could be so petty at such a difficult time!

I wasn't going to say anything to DH about it as he has enough going on, but we bumped into a friend yesterday who was at the funeral, and she brought it up, so he asked me about it and I told him the whole story, and he is so angry about it too.

I told him that they will not be invited to the christening, nor will they meet the baby if I can help it! The only problem they could possibly have with me, is that my DH married me and not Dina!!
Am I over-reacting? Or would u be upset by that kind of carry on too?

I just thought it was completely out of line. What's your opinion?

P.s. If I don't get a reply, I completely understand that u all fell asleep trying to read this essay of a post!! Lol xx

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[cosmicgirl]

Firstly I cannot hold my tongue and would have had to ask the mother "what the f@ck is your problem and why are you being so rude constantly glaring at me?"
Secondly I'd have to ask Dina why she felt the need to act like a spoilt bitch and what her problem is?
I can't let things like that slide but understand a funeral may not be the time or place for that. Maybe a polite "I've noticed that you keep staring and pointing at me, is there a problem because I'm finding it quite rude?" would be more appropriate.
Either way, don't let them make you feel uncomfortable again, they're obviously shit bags as they haven't said anything to your face so I think they'd back down if you pulled them up on it. In fact, I'd quite enjoy it x

 

[Kayelle]

Wow I'm gob smacked! Dina and mother belong on jezza!!! Title would be 'my cousin should have married me' !

I am disgusted at their behaviour! Firstly its incredibly inappropriate for any one to act like that around your husband, but they are related !?!? She is sick. What a rude comment about bump, and I agree, don't let them any where near your precious bundle!!
The mother should know better too, sounds like a 14 yr old in school!!
At least dh and your mates see its stupid too and hopefully you can avoid them!!
So sorry for your loss btw x x x

 

[Jayjay027]

See I'm normally the same, and had it been any other day, I'd have asked them outright what their problem was. But I just didn't want to start a riot at a funeral, and was focusing on just supporting my DH.

If I ever find myself in their company again, and the same thing happens, I will absolutely confront them. But for the sake of peace, I hope I never see them again!!

I'm glad u agree that its rude though, I didn't know whether I was just being hormonal or not x

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[cosmicgirl]

I can understand not confronting them at a funeral though, but they are both very immature and rude. I'd have struggled to hold my tongue, you've got more willpower than me, daft bitches. I hope you don't have to see them again, if you do, they both need a good slap x

 

[EssJayPea]

Hey hun. Glad to have you back on. Hope you and DH are well.

This woman and her mother are a bit scary sounding and you're right to not want them at your Lo's christening. You sound like you've handled it in a really dignified way without making a scene and, evidently, they've made a show of themselves with the glaring etc.

Just keep your head held up and, if it gets any worse in future, maybe you DH could have a word with them? Xx

 

[coco_cukoo]

Very very immature. Best to not let it get to you at all & just try & not see them at all. To me, cousins getting married is sick. How dare they give you daggers & make out like you have done something wrong!!!! I would have said something but politely as I can at a funeral...but just stay away. They seem pathetic xx

 

[CARNAT22]

Blimey!!!

What a weird situation?

On the upside - as you had never met them before and they weren't at your wedding, I would assume you can get away with not inviting them to christening and they will not have anything to do with baby!!

Your poor OH though, like he needed this the day he buried his Dad! Well done for not making a scene but you have obligation to see these bizarre women again!!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Cherry.Glitter]

Good on your OH for sticking up for you! But what a pair of incestual freaks!!! And the MIL? Are you kidding me?! She actually said that after your honeymoon?? There is obviously some sort of secret agreement between the 3 of them that didn't work out so therefore, the only reason that they could possibly have to hate you is that they are utterly and completely jealous of you!

My advice? Remove them from your life, if they are making rude comments about your bump at this stage, imagine what they would say about/to your child. Look how they are making you, a grown woman, feel - that could crush a childs self esteem completely.

Personally, I feel you are under reacting as I would have flipped shit, espesh about the honeymoon and bump comments. Good for you for keeping calm - sounds to me like they made complete fucktards of themselves. You will never beat them as they sound so pathetic, I would just avoid them

 

[Jayjay027]

I'm so glad I'm not over reacting and that u all agree with me that its just rude and pathetic!

Carnat - we did invite them to the wedding, and they never RSVP'd!! My husband had to phone them and ask whether they got the invite or not, and they said they couldn't make it (I can't remember the reason they gave)
But they will certainly not be invited to anything else! X

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[Tara1985]

Maybe a polite "I've noticed that you keep staring and pointing at me, is there a problem because I'm finding it quite rude?" would be more appropriate.

I much prefer the alternative version

Jay, these people have serious issues. Now the cousin having a thing for you DH I can forgive because he does look hot from your avatar but the mother needs to be pulled up about her behaviour. She sounds horrid and I would have expected more decorum from her, especially at a funeral and at her age!!!

I would push (when the time is right for DH) for DH to speak with his mum, especially if MIL is not your biggest fan. Make it clear to them that you and hubby are united and Dina needs to go and find someone else.

Also, it's common for MIL to not gel with their son's wife's. I think we'll never be good enough for their boys unless they chose of course.

In no way are you overacting; I'm so glad hubby is on your side too. Some men just don't understand how spiteful women can be and dismiss it. You have a real jem.

xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Well I've told him about it and won't push the subject with him any more. If he feels the need to talk to them about it then fair enough, but I'll never ask him to.
As for my MIL, he has spoken to her about her problem with me a few times, they actually didn't speak for 4 months because she kept inviting his ex over for lunch and inviting him over at the same time, in some kind of ploy to get them back together lol.
He told her she doesn't have to like it, but she has to accept it. And to be fair to her, she's been alright with me recently.
I think she was shocked at how supportive and helpful I was when my FIL died, which made her like me a little more.
But yes, she actually said my DH should have married his cousin 3 days after we returned from honeymoon lol.

Ugh I'm just so tired of interfering weasels and wish everyone would just let us get on with it!

But ur right Tara - he is a brilliant husband and supports me 100% bless him xx

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[Tara1985]

No I suppose nothing needs to be said, especially when you know you have 100% backing of OH but I always have to have the last word!! Cin up hon xx

 

[TaffyRose]

Hun that's crazy, I don't blame you for being upset. I agree don't invite them to things in future.

Good on your hubby for being supportive xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

No I suppose nothing needs to be said, especially when you know you have 100% backing of OH but I always have to have the last word!! Cin up hon xx

I always have to have the last word too, even when DH and I are arguing he has his say then says 'go on, have the last word, I won't say anything else' lol.

But I kind of feel like I've had the last laugh because he's with me and loves me lol x

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[FirstBabyEek]

I personally think you handled what would have been a very difficult situation at the time with grace and charm and you should hang on to the fact that she and her mother quite frankly acted appallingly at a funeral.

Whether its legal or not, it's not right in my opinion, far too close in the gene pool if you ask me.

Obviously your DH has never had feelings for her and never will have as he never showed her any interest, feel head over heels with you and married you - I think his message to her is very clear.

I completely agree with not having anything else to do with them, I mean, why include people in your life who act like that?!!

I too would have been very hurt and upset not only about their behaviour towards you but also that they choose to act that way at you FILs funeral, they should have had more respect, particularly the mother - just makes me wonder what porkies Dina has been telling her mother about you.

If you come across them again and they act the same way, I think you'd be perfectly entitled to say something to them in a way you see fit, they don't know you, how dare they make snap judgements.

Just really sorry that on top of everything else you've had to go through this as well xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Thank u FirstBaby - if I ever have the unfortunate luck to meet them again and they still act the same way, I will absolutely be saying something to them, that's if DH doesn't say something first. Now that he's aware of it, he may be on the lookout for it if we ever see them again.

As u said, its a despicable way to act at a funeral! X

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[PeaPod]

I completely agree with what everyone else has said and that you handled yourself very well in this situation. Both mother and daughter sound like plebs and need to grow up. Glad you have a wonderful hubby though!X

 

[frankie247]

I cant believe how petty they both were when they should have been there to pay respects to your fil and your oh. Its shocking - I dont think you are over reacting at all, in fact, i think you were very dignified in not stooping to their level and possibly creating a scene or argument at the funeral.
I would just stay away from them - its your oh's second cousin, so its not as if she is immediate family - so i dont think they need to be involved at all with your baby or christening etc.

Hope you are ok, you don't need the stress

 

[Jayjay027]

Thanks so much everyone! I feel so much better now to have got it off my chest xx

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