Birthing partners & early visitors.

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Bek234, May 30, 2013.

  1. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to write on my birth plan 'oh only'. If someone else were to turn up would they let them in or come ask me first???
    My step mum works at the hospital and I know she will just turn up!
    I'm worried she might actually just walk straight through, my mum wants to know 'the minute I go into labour' as she wants to be there-were not that close but have got closer in recent months- I felt comfortable enough to say I only want oh there and she said she would 'wait at my nannas house until she is born as its closer to the hospital!' :-/

    I might not even tell anyone when I'm in labour...I don't want people seeing me in pain and stressy etc.

    Also, when I've had baby, my step mum has 'booked off 2weeks either side of due date, which can be moved around to suit the date of birth, but won't use the whole 2weeks...incase I need help'

    I know this sounds ungrateful but I have my oh on paternity leave for 2weeks after the birth. And want time just us getting used to our first baby before he has to go back to work.

    I'm sure ill need a lot of help but also feel like, they would 'prefer' me not to breast feed so they can take baby and give us a rest, which is nice of them but I don't want my baby leaving my side! Me and oh have said that we will take it in turns to sleep.

    I'm thinking best to let them get on with it and say no at the time/not answer my phone/door!! lol as I've not said anything so far but the closer its becoming its like 'we' as a whole family are having a baby and not 'we' as in me and the oh.

    Sorry for looooong post! :-/ xx





    Tapatalking. X
     
  2. kerihall

    kerihall Well-Known Member

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    I understand where your coming from on this one because everyone just HAS to be involved, but believe me once you've had baby you will be greatful for the help and interfering, even if just for the company because the time you have with just you and OH goes so fast then its just you and baby and it can feel lonely :) I'm not saying have all the family piling round imposing on you but just wait and see how your feeling at the time xx
     
  3. lauralou

    lauralou Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I agree, wait n see how u feel. No one can just walk in while ur in labour or at the hospital so don't worry about that. Once you're in labour they will admit you and ask who u want there, then u can say just your oh and that will be that. All te doors are locked etc so noone can just walk onto a labour ward.

    And once you've given birth, you usually go up to the ward and then there's set visiting times. So the family can come t set times and have to leave after like 2 hours, so dont stress huni x

    Then when ur home see how u feel, as much as I said I didn't want crowds of people round, I actually wanted everyone there, just to show him off! People brought meals and cakes and made drinks and I just sat there in my pjs and loved the fact my new baby was the centre of attention!x
     
  4. mummy2b19

    mummy2b19 Well-Known Member

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    labour and maternity ward doors are locked so no one can just walk in and if mil did turn up they would ask if you wanted to see her. hospitals also have visiting times so if for example you had baba at 3am your mum couldnt come until the next visiting time anyway xx
     
  5. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    Yes that's true.
    Just don't want to be in all my Scruffs and they just turn up! Lol sure I won't care at the time.

    As long as the doors will be Locked whilst in labour suite as I definitely only want oh there!

    Xx


    Tapatalking. X
     
  6. Mrs CW

    Mrs CW Well-Known Member

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    If you only want your OH there then that's all you need to say, as Lauralou says all the doors are locked and ppl have to buzz in to be allowed entrance. With my first we didn't tell anyone I was in labour until the morning - my waters broke a 10pm - and we only told them because our cats needed sorting. We then didn't tell anyone he had arrived until he was 2 hours old as we wanted the time to just be the 3 of us and then we only allowed our parents to come to the hospital to meet him.

    My mum took the 2 weeks after my OHs paternity leave finished and I was so grateful. She let me ring her during the day if I wanted help or just company which I needed. It also meant I could have days on my own but know that there was help if I needed it x
     
  7. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    I think if I can I won't tell anyone straight away either and have some time just with oh and our new baby.

    Having the 2wks off after pat leave sounds like a good idea, I might suggest that if its mentioned again.

    I'm so sure ill need the company, but I want to choose when it is lol (selfish but I know I'll be all over the place getting used to breastfeeding etc) xx


    Tapatalking. X
     
  8. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    I understand where you are coming from...

    I'm having my boyfriend and mum at the birth and had a chat last night with my boyfriend about his family... I don't want them coming to the hospital until I've had a rest and had time with my baby etc. His mother is very over bearing and I hope it won't hurt her feeling because I have a feeling she will want to be there... and that is definitely not happening! I also think she's taking time off work... not quite sure why!

    I've spoke to my mum aswell, although I want her there she knows if I change my mind and tell her to go away (nicely of course) that it's nothing personal etc. I want things my way and I'm glad I've set out all the guidelines for everyone.

    Think you should have a chat with people... also get your OH on board so he knows how to handle people calling or just turning up etc - people are idiots and probably just go anyway!

    But regarding your notes, the midwife and others on the ward will respect what you have wished. It's a VERY important day for us mummies and I think they do everything to keep us as calm as possible xx
     
  9. k8_005

    k8_005 Well-Known Member

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    My mil better not turn up she drives me potty at best of times though she is very well intentioned and kind hearted!! U should be fine I would put a mention to mw/Dr when u get there as while they won't let ppl in they may not realise she is family if in hospital clothing with Id badge and may think she is part of team?
     
  10. babyslog

    babyslog Well-Known Member

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    Yeah all the doors have buzzers and cameras hun! An they gotta get past a reception full of MWs so a long a they are aware u just was OH u dnt have to worry about facing anyone they can turn them away for u! Plus theres visting hrs they meed to stick by so they cant just walk in!

    Im packing my makeup bag! I know OHs family will be up for visting if im kept in.
    I dnt mind the odd close family members but im not having every sod there even when we get home.

    We r guna be so so tired they need to respect that! Xx
     
  11. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

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    My mum turned up and they asked me before letting her in x

    tapatalking x
     
  12. Kelly450

    Kelly450 Well-Known Member

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    I'm totally with you on this one. Its a time for you and your OH to enjoy. And obviously all the family are so excited too, but your like me and i think that my OH is the only support i need in labour and i want us to enjoy family time together with the 3 of us while he has his two weeks paternity once baby has arrived.

    Im happy for people to come visit, but my OH and I need to enjoy our quality time while we can with just the three of us when little one is so brand new :) xx
     
  13. LouiseH

    LouiseH Well-Known Member

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    I'm dreading certain members of my family (on my dads side) turning up! And I know that no matter what I say, they thibnk they know best (Cause its my first baby so this automatically means what I don't know what I'm doing or what I want!) Which is annoying and pisses me off majorly!!!

    I don't mind my Mum, Step Dad & Little brother coming to visit, once I'm on the ward (Mum will be there anyway with my OH during labour!) Also don't mind my Nana coming to visit on the ward. But I'll be asking my Dad & Stepmam to wait till I'm home - And they won't turn up all the time. Just the one visit for at least a week (Cause my dad works away through the week and only home Sat & Sun). Not sure what I want with my OH's family. Hmm.. I think it may be ok for his Mum t come visit ONCE while I'm on the ward, after that she can wait till I'm home. His younger sister (19) and brother (15) May want to come, but I think I can get away with just his sister coming the once with his Mam and his brother will wait till were home. Luckily his Dads a long distance lorry driver so he most likely won't be home when I go into labour - Fingerrs crossed anyway lol. And I dout he'll come straight back either. Happy days!

    But this isn't even half my problem lol. Think its harder with having my Mum & Dad seperated and remarried as there appears to be more family.

    My mums two sisters (There identical twins) Will wana come visit. One lives in Inverness - I live near newcastle. So that should be fine, no unexpected visits. But her and my cousin have decided there driving down once I've given birth! Then my other auntie lives near by so will want to come round, thankfully she works long hours so this may save me and give me only one visit.. Unless she takes time off because her twin is coming down (which she normally does!).

    Then on my Dads side.. Hmmm I love my family, but my aunts & cousins on that side genuinely do my head in! And I don't want them coming down for at least 2/3 weeks. How do I say that nicely? Lol. They don't live far, about 30mins. Ughhh!

    Then I've got my OH's mum, sister, brother, nana, etc once were home.. Cause they litterally live 2 streets away and I don't want them there all the time?! Helpppp!!!!

    My mums got a floating week off, which she can take when babies born and I'm home.. So she's allowed the day off when I'm in labour, then back to work and then when I'm outa hosp & home she's allowed the week off. Which I want, I want her there the first week to help and advise!
    But then is OH's mum guna feel left out? And I know my mum (and myself) won't want everyone turning up at once.

    Its the first baby/grandchild on both sides..
    I have no idea how to deal with it all lmao! Someone do it for me!
    Maybe I need a bouncer on the door? Hahaha x
     
  14. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    That's what I was worried about, ID badge Etc lol
    I think I'll mention it beforehand xx


    Tapatalking. X
     
  15. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    Exactly! I don't like saying no to people though but feel I might not have a choice on this occasion xx


    Tapatalking. X
     
  16. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    OMG!!! I thought I had it bad! Lol bless ya!

    It's definitely worse when parents are separated and remarried, I've got all them too. And it's the whole family wanting to come! As they 'have the right' to be one of the first people to hold baby etc!

    We've got people in extended family calling themselves 'godparents' etc we're not even religious!! Lol and if we were, we would chose our own godparents! Lol

    X x x


    Tapatalking. X
     
  17. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    Hope they do that for me but with her working there, they might just let her through... She will probably just waltz thru opening curtains looking for me! :-/ haha no she's not that bad really! (Hopefully lol) xx


    Tapatalking. X
     
  18. Bek234

    Bek234 Well-Known Member

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    Ill be taking my make up bag too! Haha I've already briefed my OH of the 'most important items' From my make up bag incase he needs to know at the time haha

    I don't mind once I'm on the ward as time will be limited and amount of people will be too. X


    Tapatalking. X
     
  19. Kelly450

    Kelly450 Well-Known Member

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    Do what you have to do. If you end up saying no too much.. just blame the hormones lol xxx
     
  20. Colourmeblue

    Colourmeblue Well-Known Member

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    I agree with telling your midwife as soon as you get to labour ward. I work in a hospital too, and with my ID badge can get in anywhere, so you dont want her to just let herself in! I was gonna have my OH and my mum, but felt like I was forcing mum to be there, so now it'll be just OH x
     

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