Being verbally attacked on another site over my babys feeds

[LaurenMM]

Ok so as most of you know I started BF Angel for the first 6-7 days and I struggled to keep up with her demands since I'd probably had about 5 hours sleep in a week - no joke! So switched her to formula instead and by her 4 week check she had gotten herself into a typical 4-hourly intervals with her feeds. Obviously this is not down to the minute and sometimes she wanted more before four hours and sometimes she didnt. Just typically on a 'normal' day she was every four hours. I am still establishing a bedtime routine where I try to bath her around 6pm, cuddle and naked time and feed her around 7pm. She suddenly started sleeping 10-12 on her own - I wasnt actually doing anything different! I told HV this and she said it was really good, but if shes sleeping that long maybe give her hungry baby and a bigger feed, not to MAKE her sleep longer but to ensure she is satisfied. So I did that and now most nights she sleeps through till 6/7am. Obviously if she does wake up in the night for food, I feed her! At her 8 week check (she was actually 9 weeks as she was 8 weeks at Xmas!) she weighed 12lb 2oz and feeding 180ml at 4 hours or so. 180ml just didnt seem to satisfy her and HV suggested upping it to 210ml. On the back of the SMA tin it gives a rough guideline to feeding your baby according to their weight. It states babies around 14 and a 1/4 pounds given 210ml 4-5 times in 24 hours. She has 4 most days and sometimes 5. Obviously she wasnt quite 14 1/4 pounds at the time of increasing but HV said it was absolutely fine and to go with what Angel wants. So since then she's been 210ml every four hours and has 4-5 a day.

I posted this on another site and I got a tirade of pure abuse from another woman. She has implied that if Angel wakes up in the night it is an 'inconvenience' to me. I said obviously if Angel is hungry in the night she will wake to feed? She is accusing me of neglect and 'pushing' her into a four hour routine. And just generally accusing me of being a bad mother. She is not a health professional but she is saying that Angels weight is too low and she has not gained enough - this is not true is it? My HV and GP both said how brilliantly she is doing. She also said I am putting her at risk of SIDS by letting her sleep 10-12 hours. I have read a lot about SIDS as I am so paranoid of it happening I do EVERYTHING I can to prevent it. Out of everything I have read I have NEVER heard of a greater risk just because a baby sleeps longer?! Seriously I have never been so offended or insulted in my entire life xx

 

[Hunnie]

I'd say if she wants to sleep that long then she must need it. Sophie's getting herself into a routine on her own and generally feeds every 3-4 hours, she goes longer if we have gone out for the day and she's in the car as she seems to sleep for a lot longer.

I think if your health visitor says she's doing ok then that's all that matters xx

 

[Mrs.s]

Everything you have just said about angel is exactly what my LO was like she was sleeping 12hours a night at 8 weeks and had more milk during the day to make up for it! Don't listen to it hun my LO is one next month and she is thriving she still loves her sleep & most of the time she sleeps 12hours a night occasionally is she is unwell,having a growth spurt & hungry or unwell she will wake but it's not often! She is naturally very little & petite so although she isnt as chubby as other babies she is not underweight and the health visitor has always been happy with her feeding & her weight. No two babies are the same so they cannot be compared it's ridiculous!

 

[lisey27]

Hiya,

I hope you dont mind me posting, I havent had a baby recently but saw your thread when I looked at "todays posts".
That woman is ignorant and stupid to say such rubbish, who is she to judge what you're doing and to scare you with suggestions of SIDS!!
It sounds like you are doing a great job and sounds like you have a wonderful content baby. Your health visitor and Dr would alert you if there was any concerns regarding weight etc.
Ignore the woman and go with your instinct and what the HV and Dr say xx

 

[Laura_C]

She is talking absolute crap!!

My LO is practically in the same routine as Angel, she sleeps through and doesn't wake for a feed in the night. A number of times I tried to feed her and she wasn't interested, she wanted to sleep! If baby is hungry I feel that they will let you know. My LO fell into a 3 hourly feed routine on her own so we go with that. Only the last few nights have I tried her again with a feed as she has been going to bed at around 7:30pm so I try a dream feed at about 11pm she has taken a feed the last few nights so I've gone with that - only tried as she was going down earlier by choice. Your Angel is certainly not underweight at all, her weight is excellent - ignore the bitch!!

 

[tinks77]

I would undoubtably say you are doing nothing wrong! It's sound like you have let angel set the rules apart from a set bedtime. This is exactly what we have done with grace, I'll feed her whenever she is hungry, wether its every 6 hours or every 2.

This woman has absolutely no right to say those things to you, trust your HV, as I'm sure if they had a problem with her weight they would have said. I hate how some people think its ok to preach that their way is right and everyone else is a bad/lazy/etc mother for not doing as they do.

If your baby is happy, satisfied after a feed, sleeping & waking well then whatever you are doing is right x

 

[pinkyprincess]

How dare she!

 

[spice]

really feel for you hun, no-one should talk to you like that and it sound like your doing a great job

when we switched Flynn to completely formula he did the same sort of thing, was sleeping 9/10hours every night... needless to say in my case it didn't last! he's now waking 1 or 2 times a night, it did take some getting used too again, but if he needs feeding he needs feeding!!!

 

[LaurenMM]

I swear this site and you girls have been like my lifeline throughout my pregnancy and when I deal with silly bitches like now I sent her an extremely long reply and needless to say she said absolutely nothing back. I have pasted what I wrote below and do you know what ? I'm proud of myself for putting her in her place! Nobody accuses me of not taking care of my daughter. Just FYI she said my HV "doesnt have a clue" and that Angels weight gain is poor etc.

Ok Pippin, thank you so much for your FRIENDLY advice. I am going to put straight now some of the things you have said (sorry, not said but ASSUMED) which are not only wrong and ridiculous but absolutely insulting....

First thing, my baby was breastfed for the first 7-10 days and since she has been on formula she has always fed around the 4 hour mark - that is HER signalling her hunger and not me force-feeding her OR depriving her to keep her on a 'schedule'. Obviously it goes without saying that she does not feed every 4 hours down to the minute. If she expresses hunger 2, 3, 4 or 5 hours after a feed I DO feed her; I DO NOT and NEVER have let her 'cry out' for food or deprive her of anything! The 4 hourly feeds are a typical day and she does express hunger!

Secondly, she started sleeping 10-12 hours through the night BEFORE I slightly increased the amount and BEFORE I tried the hungry baby formula. I increased the feed and used hungry baby on the advice from my health visitor. She advised me that this would benefit my baby and she also said NEVER to wake a sleeping baby... she will wake up by herself when she is hungry. So I do not 'push' (nice way of putting it by the way) her into sleeping 12 hours for my benefit or at all. This is what she started doing of her own accord BEFORE I changed anything. As I have stated I do not force-feed her every 4 hours, nor do I deprive if she shows hunger signs before or after or whenever!


My health visitor comes every 2-3 weeks and she was last weighed the 13th of this month where she was 12lb 2. I would not like to hazard a guess as to what she weighs now. At that time she was on 180ml every 4 hours and it just wasnt satisfying her and my health visitor told me to increase it and just go with what she wants. I started her on 210ml (approx 7oz) straight away and she is perfectly happy with this. It even states on the formula tin that babies who weigh around 14 and a 1/4 pounds should be on around 210ml and feed 4-5 times in 24 hours - so I am actually not doing anything wrong at all!! She also had her 8 week check on that date and the visitor said she is gaining weight, thriving and developing "brilliantly". She knows she feeds around every 4 hours and is happy with that. I dont look at the clock and think "oh its 2pm time to feed her whether she likes it or not" and if she starts showing hunger signs at 1.30pm I dont let her cry for half an hour! The 4 hour intervals are a typical day, not down the exact minute and like I said I do not deprive and I certainly DO NOT ever let her cry for food so she 'learns' to wait - that is ridiculous and its neglect and I would never neglect my own daughter!


Finally the most insulting thing you said: "Surely you aren't worried about being inconvenienced by your baby's need to eat through the evening and nighttime hours?" - no sweetie I DO NOT see feeding and caring for my daughter as an 'inconvenience' at all. If she shows signs of being hungry at ANY time during the day or night; I feed her! But as I stated she started sleeping 10-12 of her own accord and I was always told NEVER wake a sleeping baby. Obviously I feed her if she wakes in the night, take last night for instance, she woke at 3am and 7am for feed and NO I did not see this as an "inconvenience". I mean, really?! To be frank howDARE you even suggest such a thing?!


If the HV is so clueless why is still in a job in the first place? And yes you said I did post this question asking advice... however, you are not giving me constructive advice. You are TELLING me that a health PROFESSIONAL is wrong. You are telling me that everything you are saying is correct just because your baby feeds more often (even though she is breastfed - completely different kettle of fish!) and basically implying I am not taking care of my baby! For your info, I had to stop breastfeeding as it was the best thing for my daughter. Again, I was advised my health professionals that formula was the best option. Once again, I am telling you I do not push and never have forced or pushed my baby into four intervals. Shortly after starting her on the formula this is the pattern she developed herself. And I have to repeat myself again, it is not four hours down to the minute!! Sometimes she will want it sooner or later and I cater to her needs! I have repeated myself so often here because you clearly are not reading what I am putting and making the most untrue and insulting assumptions about me!



And if her weight gain is so slow, why hasnt anybody else noticed this?! I'll tell you why, because there is nothing wrong with her! For her 8 week check she was seen and weighed by HV, GP and a nurse (when she received her vaccine). Every single person she has seen has said she is developing brilliantly - are you saying that every single one of those health professionals and doctors is incorrect? Of course they arent. And like I said above, on her formula tin it does state that for a baby of her weight should be feeding 210ml around 4-5 times in 24 hours - which is what she on. Is the company now printing incorrect and invalid information on all of their tins now? Of course they arent!!

You describe your forum personalilty as "blunt and honest but never rude" - well not only have you been outrageously rude - you have insulted me beyond belief! I am doing nothing, my daughter is thriving and developing fantasically and as for neglecting her... you do not know ANYTHING!

 

[Laura_C]

Well said lovely

 

[pinkyprincess]

Good on you!

 

[Hayley1608]

Good on you... What a c word she is!

From the sounds of it your doing an amazing job.

Don't let that bother you... Tell her to do one

X

 

[Lilelephant]

Great reply! I hate people who are like this! I got generally by what, hv mw or gp says as they actually know! Something's I have noticed is different depending on the opinion of the hv etc such as baths etc!
But the have guidelines to follow with weight etc so if they say angel is thriving then what u r doing is right!
Ignore this idiot Hun x

 

[JJ Mum]

Brilliant reply - well done , love to have seen her face as she read it!

 

[clairebear22]

If she thinks Angel is too light she'd think I was the worst mother on the planet because Jack only weighed 16lb 1oz a week ago and he's 7mths old!! All babies are different, Jack's tall & thin and his Cousin who's 11 days younger is tall and chubby so makes Jack look like a dwarf! lol J

Just ignore her hun although your post back to her was really good! Sometimes people have nothing better to do than attack people and the way they choose to bring up their babies! She's probably just jealous because she has bad nights with her little one!

Although i'm very jealous of Angel sleeping through, Jack never has lol x

 

[LaurenMM]

Thanks girls I really appreciated your support and you sticking up for. On another thread I saw one woman said that pressure from other people can make you doubt yourself and that is exactly what happened here!! I really dont care what people think about me and people can have a go till the cows come home but when they accuse me of being a bad mother to Angel, lol no no no, not gonna sit back and take that one!! xx

 

[beanster]

OMG well done you - what a good reply to a very ignorant woman!

 

[Sarah13]

Wot a cow! Glad you put her straight, great reply.
Sounds like your doing a brilliant job, all babies are so different and they will certainly let you know when they are hungry. She gaining weight and telling you what she needs and when she needs it, Kynon is the opposite a greedy boy who don't sleep! Shes probably jealous you get a full nights sleep and she doesnt, I know I am lol!

 

[xxbeckyxx]

What a fab reply, well done hun! I think I would've got too angry and resorted to just replying 'BOLLOCKS'
You sound like you're doing great and bubba is in a good routine, she's probably just jealous tbh

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Hiya,

I hope you dont mind me posting, I havent had a baby recently but saw your thread when I looked at "todays posts".
That woman is ignorant and stupid to say such rubbish, who is she to judge what you're doing and to scare you with suggestions of SIDS!!
It sounds like you are doing a great job and sounds like you have a wonderful content baby. Your health visitor and Dr would alert you if there was any concerns regarding weight etc.
Ignore the woman and go with your instinct and what the HV and Dr say xx

Totally agree! Tell her to go do one!! Obviously she's jealous her baby isn't as good as yours!! Lilyanna has slept thru 12-14hrs at night since 4weeks old, I was worried for ages but hv reassured me she was fine many times! Her weight gain is fine that's what they look at! You give her extra as she is hungrier in the day not to make her sleep longer! If she was hungry she would wake up, end of!! What a dick don't listen to her!! Put a link to this thread as a reply once we have all finished posting and let her see what a bloody fool she is!!
Lily got herself into her own 4hr routine.. I used to wake(dream feed) Jaycee every 4hrs to ff (before taking out a feed a week in the night and she slept thru at 4weeks 8-8).. Both are just fine!!!

Tell her to do one and stop being jealous!!!