Bad Day :-(

[mistyblue]

Hi all,

I thought I was doing much better, but had a major relapse today.

My sis is due soon and does nothing but talk about it. She kept trying to give me advice about my mc (she has NEVER had one) and how I should try again etc. I told her I wasn't ready, but she kept badgering me. Now she's posting all over fb about how she's a very proud mummy to be and how excited she is about her LO. I don't begrudge her this, and I wouldn't mind but her OH is a complete loser who doesn't really want the baby.

When I was pg, she even brought my potential parenting skills into question. This was my first pregnancy so I didn't know everything and she was really smugly telling me all about what it's like (this is her first pregnancy, so who knows why she thinks like this). I sometimes feel like the mc is nature's way of telling me I would be a crappy parent anyway, so to have her patronise me like this just makes that feeling worse.

I have seen her a few times since the mc and she has either avoided me or over compensated with her advice. I know it must be difficult for her to see me, but does she have to be like this? I already felt like this pregnancy was my last chance and now I just feel a bit worthless.

Sorry for the rant x x

 

[Lou1103]

Rant away! I know how frustrating it must be, it wouldnt hurt for her to consider your feelings a bit!

Off topic but you're from Wolvo! I'm originally from West Bromwich xxx

 

[mistyblue]

Aww Hun, you made me smile. How long ago did you move? x

 

[Karate Kid]

Hug Hun sounds like such a horrible situation. I don't doubt that you are pleased for your sis but could you talk to her about how she is making you feel? Xx

 

[mistyblue]

I will speak to her, but she is so wrapped up in babies and parenting, I think she has forgotten about me. I don't expect her to always think of me, and I am glad she hasn't had this happen to her, but it feels a bit like she's rubbing my face in it sometimes. It's not her fault I sometimes blame myself for the mc, but she seems to think it is as easy as just getting pregnant again. It took 18 months last time and it's only been three weeks since the mc, so I think I need a bit longer to deal with it all. How are you doing, hun? x x

 

[Lou1103]

Aww Hun, you made me smile. How long ago did you move? x

I moved in november. I still go back occasionally for a day or two but miss it! I got so excited, never seen anyone on here so close before it makes me nostalgic lol. Glad i made u smile xxx

 

[Karate Kid]

I will speak to her, but she is so wrapped up in babies and parenting, I think she has forgotten about me. I don't expect her to always think of me, and I am glad she hasn't had this happen to her, but it feels a bit like she's rubbing my face in it sometimes. It's not her fault I sometimes blame myself for the mc, but she seems to think it is as easy as just getting pregnant again. It took 18 months last time and it's only been three weeks since the mc, so I think I need a bit longer to deal with it all. How are you doing, hun? x x

It's so easy to get wrapped up in your own world, I really hope that she sees that you need her too.

The MC isn't your fault Hun it never will be. Why is if you feel that way?

It take time sweetie, we can get through this so no more blaming yourself. Be kind to your self and give your self time to heal. Have you got anything planned with your OH? A meal, a trip to the cinema, a cheeky night away?

I am OK Hun, I just want AF to arrive so we can start trying again. I am trying to focus on things day by day. Xx

 

[mistyblue]

Not sure, KK. It was a blighted ovum, so I know there wasn't much else I could have done. I just feel sometimes that maybe it's nature's way of telling me I would be an awful mum, but I think I am just searching for reasons for the mc. I know it's most likely to be bad luck, but keep wondering if all my eggs are knackered (lol). I think it hurts more because I followed all the advice, did all the things you're supposed to do and it made no difference.

Think AF is on her way too, which hasn't helped my mood, although I want her to turn up, so I know things are starting to get back to normal. I think what's made it worse is having a load of other bad news at the same time. All stuff that I would normally just deal with but it feels sometimes like we must have done something to deserve the barrel load of crap we're going through at the moment.

I am trying to just take it a day at a time, but I think you're right. We need to get away or something even if it is for a night.

Hope AF turns up for both of us soon hun x x

 

[Lou1103]

Nature is not telling you you'd be a bad mum!!! Have you seen jeremy kyle lately!? You will be a brilliant mum! Xxx

 

[mistyblue]

Lol, I know what you mean. Sorry for the rant- it just gets a bit much sometimes. Hope you're ok x x

 

[Lou1103]

Don't apologise. Just saying you shouldnt beat yourself up, it's a horrible thing to go through without punishing yourself xxx

 

[mistyblue]

Thanks hun, just got to keep focused on positive things x x x

 

[mistyblue]

Thanks shacobms. Just trying to take each day one at a time. Mostly I am ok, but the bad days are very bad x x

 

[mylullaby]

It is most definitely NOT nature's way of saying you'd be a bad mum. Your time will come and when it does you will be completely amazing!!!

The situation with your sister must be so hard for you. And while it's great that she's continuing with her pregnancy and you're clearly happy for her, she does sound a little insensitive. I'm just trying to put myself in her shoes. Happy to be pregnant - yes. Bombarding Facebook with updates about it - no. Discussing her feelings with you - great. Listening to how you feel too - absolutely. I think you should try to be straight with her about everything - you're genuinely happy for her and you want to be there for her, but you'd like her to be there for you too and would rather have someone who'll listen / be your shoulder to cry on than someone who dishes out well-meaning - but not particularly welcome - advice.

If I was in your shoes, I'd have a break from Facebook. If that's just not going to happen, then I'd probably hide her from my FB news feed - at least then it wouldn't be in my face every time I logged in. Maybe this is just me, but I don't know why people write so much on FB about their pregnancies. Anything can happen at any stage and I just think that an extensive history of pregnancy-related status updates would make it even harder for me to cope with if anything bad happened...

 

[mistyblue]

Thanks Hun. I have been away from Facebook which helps. Feeling a lot more positive but wish AF would show up x x