Back to work not looking likely

[Sherlock]

*sigh*

OK, as short as I can make it

Maternity pay ends in November for me. I quit my nannying job back at Christmas so am looking for something new. Had planned to find a local job doing whatever for 16-!8 hours a week and OH was going to stay at home one day to care for LO and also a couple of evenings while I worked. He is self employed and works from home most of the time so it wasn't such a biggie.

My op date came through for the end of November so would not have gone back to work till the New Year so as to have time to recover.

Was only going to do the bare minimum so as to get MA for next baby if we have one in the coming couple of years. Working full time and paying for child care was never an option. I was and am fine with this.

Anyways, OH has been offered more work and it therefore means more money. He can outearn me easily. And will mean he won't have that spare day in the week anymore to care for LO so I can go out and work. He can still do evenings but that would mean 4 or so evenings a week for me to work to get my hours in. We'd never see each other. And I wanted a day out to work, not all evenings.

Weekends are out for me to work as all summer from April to September OH plays cricket on the weekends.

So its look less and less likely I'll be going back to work at all now. I had been looking forward to it at least from the New Year. It was just a little something for me and my own money. We can manage on what OH will earn but its more that I want to work a bit.

I'm a bit gutted tbh. It was never the plan to be a total SAHM 7 days a week, 365 a year once maternity ended. But if OH can earn more then it makes more sense. Also he can't really refuse the work as its an ongoing job. Just I miss out on MA in the future and also having a bit of me time and getting out and about.

 

[1sttimemum]

I hope you manage to accept this hunni, and you can find something of maybe one evening for the you time. Your strong to do SAHM with the PND.

Glad your OH is able to earn so much cash tho

 

[valentine]

Awww Sherlock - I do envy your situation but I can see how it must be frustrating for you.

I think you do need to find some way to have some me time - can you look at studying (OU or local evening class) from home or volunteering one or two evenings a week? Or just making a regular arrangement to be out of the house doing 'your thing' regularly.

Valentine Xxx

 

[kalia]

Valentine has some really good ideas.

If you really want to work though I wonder if your OH could stop the cricket for a summer or 2.

 

[Sherlock]

Thanks ladies

1sttimemum - I'll get there. I have to reconcile myself with it and look at other ways to earn a bit of money, I was just wanting non baby time and to do something different while being able to earn a little. I go a bit bonkers here all day but am trying to do more.

Valentine - Were not rolling in it by any means, just we can have a decent enough living on what OH earns for the time being. I do want some me time as I said above here. Studying isn't for me tbh. Plus its the cost and travel on top. Most of the courses I'd like to do require a day attending at least and its a 45 minute drive to the local college. I'd wanted to work that one day and 2 evenings or so.

My main problem here is that I've not met a single Mum with a baby close to Galen's age that I can honestly say I get one with or have gotten to know past a brief chat at the HV clinic each week. And all the other groups at the centre are aimed at slightly older children (more from 1 year up). I've almost given up on it tbh. I feel quite isolated as it is and not meeting any Mums just makes it harder. I know working would probably not have changed that but it would have at least gotten me out and doing something. All of my friends had their kids years ago and most work again now so seeing them doesn't really work in the week. Bloody hell I sound such a woe is me person right now.

Kalia - Not really an option. He loves his cricket. He doesn't go out with mates for a booze up or anything ever. He doesn't leave me on weekend nights to go to the pub. He really is a homebody who loves to spend time with me and LO. Cricket is the one thing he looks forward to all winter and its his one social thing. I won't ask him to give that up. He's already cut back this summer and will again next summer but I can't ask him to stop totally so I can work weekends.

Gah if only I had a crystal ball and could know if I will concieve again and when. Then I would know when to go back to work and how long to stick at it for MA.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

is there possibly no-one else that could watch galen for you? even if you jut did 1 and a half days at work that would add up to the hours you want,
erm its hard without someone else having him i dont think there is really much else you can do
xx

 

[Sherlock]

is there possibly no-one else that could watch galen for you? even if you jut did 1 and a half days at work that would add up to the hours you want,
erm its hard without someone else having him i dont think there is really much else you can do
xx

We don't have any family living near here and all my friends work full time.

Paying for child care defeats the purpose as it would cost me as much as I'd earn in fees. Fine for MA if and when it happens but till then I'd be throwing money away. My earnings would go out the window and I'd stil be having to rely on hubby for money. I wanted to be able to earn something for me rather than rely on him. His having one day a week off so to speak was to enable me to go to work and it not cost us in fees. Plus he would get time with his son which he was looking forward to.

Plus I hate the thought of sticking him in day care or with a childminder. It was never really an option we wanted to use. I've spent too long looking after other peoples kids and we want to take care of our own rather than pay someone else to. Its important to me one of us look after him or the occasional grandparent or friend when needed.

I've been toying over all the options and tbh I can't really see a way of working the 16-18 hours without childcare and in effect working to pay for it.

*mini rant at no one in particular other than the Gov. coming up* It galls me I've paid 20 plus years of tax and NI and that I *have* to work x amount of weeks between having my first and second baby to qualify for MA for the second. I've never claimed a penny from the state and have worked all my life. And that I want to work now but can't really justify doing so just for MA at some point in the future.

I know its the same for everyone but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr its made so sodding hard because you *have* to earn a certain amount to qualify.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

just a quick question is the 16-18 hours your pref amount of hours to work because i only worked 10 hours a week and still got ma it was only a cleaning job 2 hours in the afternoon, maybe you could just go for less hours maybe that might be able to fit in better with hubbys work?
xx

 

[Hazel]

Haven't got any advice as you seem to have looked at all the possibilities but just wanted to sympathise and give you a . I'm hoping I can go back to work and be able to find affordable childcare also as would go slightly mad being a SAHM so know how you feel.

 

[valentine]

Valentine - Were not rolling in it by any means, just we can have a decent enough living on what OH earns for the time being.

Absolutely, I didn't mean to imply that. Its maybe a sore point for me as I would love to have the option of being a SAHM, thats all I meant by my 'envy' comment - its just not going to happen for us - its either that I work or we lose our home. However, I understand that everyone's situations are different and everyone struggles with their own issues or problems.

Plus I hate the thought of sticking him in day care or with a childminder.

I hate this too, but unfortunately its a necessity. Family live over 3 hours away and its important to us that DD stays in the village and attends the local groups and in time the local nursery/school so we've had to reconcile ourselves with using a local childminder, but it is hard.

I really hope you find an option that works for you. It does sound like you've exhausted most options, your rural location does make things more difficult, I understand. I absolutely understand your frustration with the MA/SMP system too. Would you consider with your experience registering to be a childminder and taking on one baby/toddler for a short while which although not giving you much me time, would certainly help with MA/money for yourself and company for Galen?



Valentine Xxx

 

[Sherlock]

just a quick question is the 16-18 hours your pref amount of hours to work because i only worked 10 hours a week and still got ma it was only a cleaning job 2 hours in the afternoon, maybe you could just go for less hours maybe that might be able to fit in better with hubbys work?
xx

It would based on amount etc get me the standard £118 per week. If I do less obviously I only get 90% of that. So £70 a week would get me less than £50 a week MA etc. I'd rather have the £480 or so a month than less is all. I can do less yes, but for the £118 I need to earn X amount (based on £7 an hour or so minimum wage area) If I take a skilled job then I'd get paid more of course. Which would make things easier.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

hmm they must of worked out my ma wrong then as i get £117 a week always have done
oh well i wont tell anyone
xx

 

[Lorna]

Could you do child minding from home? I know it's not ideal as you won't get out the house but it could bring you some cash?

 

[Sherlock]

Valentine - Were not rolling in it by any means, just we can have a decent enough living on what OH earns for the time being.

Absolutely, I didn't mean to imply that. Its maybe a sore point for me as I would love to have the option of being a SAHM, thats all I meant by my 'envy' comment - its just not going to happen for us - its either that I work or we lose our home. However, I understand that everyone's situations are different and everyone struggles with their own issues or problems.

Don't worry, I did understand what you were meaning Things will be tight but we can manage. We cut back anyways and only run one car now and are doing other money saving things too.

Plus I hate the thought of sticking him in day care or with a childminder.

I hate this too, but unfortunately its a necessity. Family live over 3 hours away and its important to us that DD stays in the village and attends the local groups and in time the local nursery/school so we've had to reconcile ourselves with using a local childminder, but it is hard.

I really hope you find an option that works for you. It does sound like you've exhausted most options, your rural location does make things more difficult, I understand. I absolutely understand your frustration with the MA/SMP system too. Would you consider with your experience registering to be a childminder and taking on one baby/toddler for a short while which although not giving you much me time, would certainly help with MA/money for yourself and company for Galen?



Valentine Xxx

I may look into the childminding but tbh its not really what I want to do. Our house is not that big and while we have a great garden we have a dog and I don't like the thought of having to shut him out somewhere and so on. Also with my bladder atm and my needing to be in the loo 3 times an hour I don't fancy having an extra child that is not mine to be responsible for. If my bladder improves to a certain point where I could cope I may investigate it further. I doubt our house would pass muster for all the requirements also. Its old, with a big wood burner and latch doors etc. And a Rayburn in the kitchen etc. I'd have to do some reading to see what we would have to do to pass checks etc.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I have no advice but I can sympathise.
my OH doesn't earn a huge amount yet I still can't go back to work - his hours change week by week, when he is working he has the car so i can't get to my old place of work (bus routes go nowhere near me or my work) paying for childcare probably would defeat me going back to work, any relatives all work full-time and i couldn't find a nursery for the hours i'd need for Fi anyway as my job was funny hours!

ARGGGGG

I really want to do something and earn some money but I can't find a way round it! So

 

[loz]

With your experience in childcare, can you work at a local nursery with Galen going there while you are working - I presume you would get a cut-price fee for him? It would get you out of the house and working but you would still be with him?

I have gone back to work part-time and Emms is 3 days with a childminder, and she is very nice and takes Emms to baby groups etc. Childminders are less expensive than nurseries around here and they have a bit more one-to-one time. You could consider one if it wasnt too dear? You could look into working tax credits?

 

[Sherlock]

With your experience in childcare, can you work at a local nursery with Galen going there while you are working - I presume you would get a cut-price fee for him? It would get you out of the house and working but you would still be with him?

I have gone back to work part-time and Emms is 3 days with a childminder, and she is very nice and takes Emms to baby groups etc. Childminders are less expensive than nurseries around here and they have a bit more one-to-one time. You could consider one if it wasnt too dear? You could look into working tax credits?

I really don't want to do anymore childcare tbh. I spent the best part of 15 years doing so and when I left my last family I said no more children other than my own. Also there are so many rules for childcare in a nursery setting etc I'd go nuts. I always preferred nannying for the freedom it gave you over daycare etc.

Also I'd not like to work in the same place my son would be. If he was needing attention and I was busy with another child I'd find it hard to see someone else attend to him (or not get there quick enough for my liking). Its different in a school setting as children are older, but nursery or daycare is difficult to balance IMHO.

I know I sound picky but I've spent so long caring for other peoples kids I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired of it. What energy I do have I want to devote to my own and do the best I can for them myself. I don't want to leave it to a paid placement or person to care for my child. I just don't.

 

[Mildly]

Sorry to hear that things aren't looking likely for a return to work for you Sherlock. Would a night shift be out of the question? I've heard that supermarkets often pay a healthy wage for shelf stacking. Perhaps if you waited until Galen was pretty much sleeping through (sorry not sure if he is currently) then your OH wouldn't be too worn out from being the main carer overnight and then having to go to work the next day.

Good luck

 

[Leese]

Do feel bad for you, things just sometimes don't work out, do they? I'm going back to work on Wed, 3 days a week and like you, really just to be able to get maternity leave for the next one and so I'm not out of the job market too long. While I'm dreading it, I'm also really looking forward to putting my skills into action again and using my brain. I would like to be a SAHM but it's not feasible for us at the moment. It wouldn't help with the MA side of it, but have you considered doing volunteering etc? Your advice is always so sensible on here, I think there must be someone who could use your skills!

 

[Quill]

I'm also going down the road of fulltime SAHM. Sometimes after being cooped up all day with a child, I almost forget how to talk to an adult, and it's only been just under 8 weeks so far. I know what you mean about "me-time."

I do freelance proofreading on a very occasional basis and am revising my novel (that sounds really pretentious, doesn't it?) and that keeps me sane. It gives me a "purpose," so to speak. Elijah will grow up one day, and of course it will be wonderful to have had a hand in that, and to guide his mind, but doing something else in addition to parenting is necessary for me... I don't just want to be a mother, however rewarding it is, because I also want to grow and develop as my own person. I hope that makes sense.

It may be worth approaching your local library and seeing if they have any volunteer needs, or are hiring very part-time workers. I've worked in libraries for years and they are generally quite welcoming of any help, and tend to be quite flexible (especially once they get to know and like you). When I was putting myself through university I used to work nights, 6pm to 9pm. Only 3 hours (and longer on the weekends, but some libraries aren't open Sundays) but the money added up, and the 9pm end meant I could hit the books upon going back home before getting some sleep.

I don't know if you're an arts-and-crafts type of person, but there's also etsy.com. Might be an American thing but it's possible that if you're handy with say, making candles, or jams, or something, you could make a small income by selling that type of stuff on there.

Another possibility to consider is housesitting/petsitting. I used to do this quite a bit, even having my own dog (I refused to take on dog-aggressive customers). I started off just doing it for friends/family/neighbors and word spread. You get repeat customers all the time, because once you build up a rapport, folks want to have you back again and again as they jet off to wherever.

Anyhow, just some suggestions, and they may not work at all for you! I am also the type of person to not want to leave my son in a daycare (at least until he is a certain age), so I really sympathize with your situation. Let us know how you get on if you don't mind posting about it.