back to work

[Layla]

im so upset

I have to go back to work, i said to jase when we got prengant with Coby that i dont work when i have kids, i want to bring them up and see all there milestones, not a childminder, he agreed with me 100%

but now he has such a shit job, its inbetween part time and full time, (roughly 30 hours a week) the money is really bad, what he used to earn in 2 weeks, he is now earning in 4!! i have told him its not suporting us but he refuses to change jobs.

i have just sat and worked out all the bills and we cant pay them all this month, plus he expects us to go to norfolk next week for his friends wedding, and hes getting a tattoo done today, WE JUST CANT AFFORD IT!!!!

im so stressed, i hate not being able to pay bills, and worst of all, all the bills expect one is DD, so the one thats not wont be paid and its Council tax, one of the more important ones!

I will have to give up college and get a part time job now to help out, i will have to do it quick coz if they know im prengant i havent got a chance in hell of being taken on anywhere.

i know alot of you will read this and think bad of me for not wanting to work and for expecting jase to keep us, but i cant help it, i really wnated to be at home with Coby and go to college to make something of myself, now im going to be stuck being a checkout girl (no offence to anyone)
worse of all, i can hear a few of you calling me a spoilt brat from behind your monitors for this post.

i just feel like crying right now

xxx

 

[Hillbilly]

im so upset

I have to go back to work, i said to jase when we got prengant with Coby that i dont work when i have kids, i want to bring them up and see all there milestones, not a childminder, he agreed with me 100%

Darlin, no-one is calling you a spoilt brat. I've written and rewritten this post and I decided to not say what I was going to say as its not my place and I'm not 100% familiar with your situation. But massive, massive hug.

 

[Amanda]

Firstly Layla, I'm going to tell you off a little (even though you didn't post this for a telling off!). You are not selfish, no-one is going to think bad of you, and you are definitely not a spoiled brat! Sorry to judge, but if anyone is being selfish, it's Jase with having the tattoo. I know only too well how expensive they are (I have 4 and DH has 10), but they come at the very bottom of a long list of things to pay for first.

Bills, food, clothing, nappies, kids school stuff, they all come first.

You are trying to make something of your life, and not sitting around on your backside expecting something to appear like some people do. Can you not do some childminding for a while? At least then you would be at home with the kids. Now is the perfect time to start asking around as there are 6 weeks school holidays coming up and I'm sure some working parents are panicking about what to do with their school age kids. This way, you should hopefully be able to continue with your course.

Cancel the friends wedding (if you call them and explain, they will understand), put your foot down with the tattoo, call the council and explain you are struggling this month, write every penny income and expenditure down and force Jase to look at it, and think about the childminding.

And lastly, please try not to get too down. Money is the worst thing in the world to have to worry about, as most of the time, it is out of our hands.

Sorry if some of this sounds harsh Layla, but you are such a lovely person and really care about your kids, I hate to hear you sounding so down.

 

[beanie]

(((Layla))). Its crap isn't it. I am back to work in 2 weeks time as OH is self employed and therefore does not have a fixed regular income. I gfeel awful about going back as everytime someone puts that they don't want to miss out on their milestones I feel like I am the worst mum. I keep praying for my lottery win but its not happening yet.

As my mat leave is at the end our income has disappereared and we have struggled with paying the bills. I couldn't pay our council tax this month but if you phone them up they will help you. It is in their interest to do so as they want your money. I agree with Tankett's advice, Jase is just going to have to wait for the tattoo, or if he really wants it then he is going to have to get the money himself.

 

[stephlw25]

aww, i go back on monday to my nurse traning,which i get a bursary for, i am like you and literally just cant afford not to work. i would love to be a SAHM but just not possible for us, i have 12 months left to complete which i am determined to do but it means i will be working full time for most of it which upsets me as i wont see jamie as much as id like! im just hoping i get through these 12 months so i can work part time afterwards! the only good thing is that i go back on monday for 4 weeks then its summer hoildays and im off till september!
will pray for a lottery win for us both this week....

 

[Layla]

i forgot about my childminding!!

i qualified but didnt register coz there was loads of paper work, wonder if i can still do it and how long it will take

i will call them later

xxx

 

[Yvonne]

Do yu not get tax credits Layla?

The less Jase earns the more you get, If you don't i would give them a try.

I was ARGUEING with Andy about this the other day, he earns enough for us to live on comfortably BUT i am so used to having 4-5 hundred pounds a month spare (his wage paid bills and mine was the spare cash) so Andy's wage basically keeps us living but if i see something for the kids i can't go out and buy it and i don't like it!

Jack will be in the next size of clothes as well soon.

I want to go out and get an evening job to bring money in but Andy doesn't want me to ( think he likes the feeling of being the family man!) even if its cleaning or shop work, i just like having spare cash.

I've just realised THAT DOES sound spoilt!! SORRY

 

[Layla]

no i get exactly what you mean hun,

Charlie was on dissabilty for ages but shes better now so we had to give it up, which is a good thing, dont get me wrong!

but, we lost £500 a month, and that was our play money, and i hate that the fact that we now have to watch what we spend.

but now jase has this crappy job which makes it even harder!
the thing im annoyed at is, its only a temp job, in october he has to find another one, so why cant he just do it now and get a better paid job??
this one is only 30 hours a week so its not enough! he wants to wait and see if they offer him a job permamantly, but they wont do that till last min, so if they dont, he will be out of work for a while and we just cant afford that, he doesnt seem to relise how seroius this is!!

we do get tax credit, its £49 a week, in his last job, he was earning more than the tax credit paid so it was great.

im just so nagry at teh fact that he wont do anything to help us, yet again its down to me to sort things.

xxx

 

[Yvonne]

The thing is tho Layla you will only be working for 7-8 months before you come of on Maternity, would it be worth doing?

Your tax credits will go do to if you earn money

It difficult

 

[Layla]

i know, its a no win siutation really, but if one of us can earn more than the tax credit, like jase was before, then it doesnt matter if i work part time, we would only gain, not lose if you see what i mean.

jase was offerd a job a couple of weeks ago by someone we both know. it was perfect, monday to friday 8 till 5, bringing in a grand a month!

but he said no, he would rather stick to a job that pays shit, that has shifts, so he sometimes workd nights (over night) and being alone with 3 kids plus now being pregnant i hate it, i dont fee safe when hes gone.

but he would rather do that, so coz he is not willing to do anything, i have to, charlie and ethan need shoes at the mo and i cant even afford to buy them any, i feel like such a shit mum right now, so guilty. so i need to go to work to suport my children.

i have been crying most of the morning and i cant stop, why cant things ever be easy?!

xxx

 

[Yvonne]

Hormones are alot to do with that hun

Ican't believe Jase turning a job down like that!! you don't need the stress at the moment!

You have enough to do, being a full time mum is one of the hardest jobs i know of especially with a toddler and a baby. Andy brings the money in but he sits infront of the computer all day! sorry thats my rant over

Men just don't seem to realise what staying at home with children entales, so if you have to do that plus go out to work and be pregnant! i feel sorry for you hun

 

[Layla]

just worked out all our money

after all the bills are paied, we are left with £88 a week to get food, petrol and other things that pop up, i.e clothes, shoes, toiletries etc.

it might sound a lot to some but its not enough for us we are going to have to cut down on food shops and useing the car alot.

i have phoned around, there are jobs going in my local pub and tesco's.

i love jase to bits, i really do, but i wish he would accept we are in trouble.
we have for 8 months to sort our money out so we are ok for this baby, we will get extra tax credit and things so hopefuly it wont be to bad, plus each time he or she out grows clothes or toys i can sell them as im not havign anymore kids.

xx

 

[Lauz_1601]

I dont think bad of you atall for not wanting to work, Id love to be a sahm but we just cant afford to either I started back at work about 3 weeks ago, I work in a pub and I am actually enjoying it, but the hours each week arent relieble enough, we need more money, so Iv just got an application form for Next, they are taking on full and part time at the mo.

We just manage to pay bills ect, Iv been quite lucky actually becuase when we bought the house all my savings disapeared with soliciters fee's ect, but then a trust fund thing matured for me and my sister and I got £3,500 from that, thats kept me going, I keep dipping into it to pay bills and spent some money on the house, now after my hols there will be nothing left and then we will struggle

Its hard, but you have to keep your chin up and keep going, I always think eveything turns out ok in the end one way or another.

 

[Layla]

I have just tried talking to him about it again, he wouldnt have it, i told him i didnt want to give up college and he said thats a crap excuse coz i have been to college before and never ended up working from it, but thats coz i had coby, so now i wanted to try teching coz the hours are good for the kids.

he keeps saying he likes it there and thats it, he will not see that we are struggling, he will not see that its stressing me out and he will not see thats its me yet again thats got to sort out lifes out. i had to do it with our debts, i had to suport us when he lost his job, i had to come up with the idea of getting a loan so we could get a cheaper car to improve out money, i suported him when he first came to live with me and didnt have a job then, why cant he for once suport me back. its always me.
im always doing it, i had to do it in my last marriage too, i just want someone for once to sort things out so i dont have all the worry of evetything. is that to much to ask?

i can hardly see coz im crying so much, im just so fed up

xx

 

[Vicky]

Massive big hug, hun i don't think your a spolit brat at all, i didn't want to go back work either i started back just over a month ago now, i dont really like it much but i need to cos of the money,have you thought of going to the council and asking for help with paying your council tax and paying house if you rent i don't know if it works on morgates or not but it might help you out, cos they work out your earnings and it depends on what you have left if you have enough to live on, i would try it it might help you out

 

[Lauz_1601]

Take your OH to see Jeremey Kyle he will sort him out! I love that show!

 

[hannahbet20]

awww i feel really bad for you i know i will have to get a part time job soon because we are struggling on just my ohs wages but i dread the thought because it will meen evenings or weekends ive done two years at college but i doubt i will get a job in that area with those hours looks like waitress barmaid or tescos for me. eek

and that will meen more exhaustion and less time to spend with oh

 

[beanie]

Have you looked at other jobs working from home?

 

[Layla]

all the jobs i have looked at say you have to pay a some of money up front, i dont trust those.

I havent found anything that looks real

xxx

 

[Amanda]

Aww Layla, I really hope things work out for you hun. I can totally understand what you mean about wanting someone to take care of you for a change. I've always been the major wage earner in all of my relationships, and also always been the one who has sorted out the money. My DH earns a crap wage, and sometimes forgets that. His downfall is the local pub. Don't mis-understand me, he doesn't have a drink problem or anything, it's just that it is round the corner, all of our friends go there, and he sometimes forgets that we need to save for things. He lives for today, and no matter how many times I remind him that I won't be working soon, he doesn't listen. He just says 'we'll cope, and I won't be going down the pub once the baby's born', but that to me isn't the point. If I want to go there once LO is here, I want to be able to. I'll have had 9 months of not wanting to go out, and not being able to have a drink, and I want to be able to go out at some point after the birth, and not have to worry about money. I only want him to cut out going out once a week (he currently does Friday after work, Saturday, Sunday and another early doors) so we can put the money away. I'm quite lucky that DH is so bad with money that he lets me sort everything out, so I have been sneaking some away into my savings acccount, and there is a bit in there, but not much.

Bloody men. Sometimes I could string 'em up!

I hope you are feeling better today hunnie.
xxx