Babys first christmas

[Steelgoddess]

Could really use some advice as unsure what to do...

Every year we normally alternate who we go to for christmas either my mums or OH's.

This year is obviously different because it will be babys first christmas. Mum automatically assumed we were going to hers, however OH really wants us to spend it just the 3 of us. He also said it would get rid of all the politics of you come here we go there kinda thing...

At first i wasn't keen on it just being us 3 as i know my fam were excited, when i told my Mum about this plan she was not best pleased... She was upset and said she REALLY wants to have us over and we;re family and to try and talk to him. She also said we don't have to come til 4 and we could always spend the christmas as a family in the morning..

She also said my sister could do with it after whats been happening and my mum would feel cheated as we spent it at his mums last year...

I was thinking this morning and tbh I just want to make a decision without feeling like i've upset someone, im also wondering whether it might be a good idea if we do just spend it just the 3 of us because It IS a special christmas but unsure.

The other thingis there have been loads if times when her and her partner have gone away for christmas...

What did you ladies do for your 1st babies christmas and any advice on my situation would be GREATLY appeciated!!!!!

 

[beanie]

we stayed at home but invited MIL and partner round for dinner. It was chaos, we had my sister and partner staying over, but it was great fun. Not sure about this year, MIL has invited us there but its our turn to cook so might invite them round here again.

 

[Squiglet]

I am a firm believer that xmas is spent at home with the family... This year we are having Christmas eve at our place. The IL's are all invited and if they come, they come...if they don't they miss out on lil miss' first Christmas...their loss..

 

[Storm.]

I personally would say spend it at home with Hayden, As you say its his first christmas, ok he may not know whats going on, but you want to be able to really enjoy him!
Hard to explain but I know someone who took their lil un to a family for their first xmas and they regretted it as they didnt really get to see her, or spend time with her as it was like pass the parcel and so many people, she didnt really see her daughter, she wishes she has spent it at home as a family for the first time,

Good luck in making your decsion dont feel pressuired into doing something you dont want to

xxx

 

[Steelgoddess]

I personally would say spend it at home with Hayden, As you say its his first christmas, ok he may not know whats going on, but you want to be able to really enjoy him!
Hard to explain but I know someone who took their lil un to a family for their first xmas and they regretted it as they didnt really get to see her, or spend time with her as it was like pass the parcel and so many people, she didnt really see her daughter, she wishes she has spent it at home as a family for the first time,

Good luck in making your decsion dont feel pressuired into doing something you dont want to

xxx

Wow thanks so much for the qwik response!!!!

baby storm Im wondering if im going to feel like this... When I had Hayden we had alot of visitors on that first day and although yes it was LOVELY a small part of me wishes I had of spent it just the 3 of us... As i'll NEVER EVER have that day back again...

I'll pop back to check responses but every little helps lol!!

x

 

[SarahH]

Spend it at home yourself. Thats what we did (even tho Brian's parents were home from the states!) then we did all the family stuff on Boxing Day... my Dad's up to about 4pm then over to my SIL's where the IL's were and we spent the night there.

Plus... doing it this way means you get lots of christmas dinners!!!

 

[Steelgoddess]

Spoke with my Mum and she wasnt very nice about the whole thing! told her my reasoning etc, and she was trying to persuade me by saying come at 4pm and stay for a few hours etc.

She then started being horrible saying well i don't want to know if u spend it next yr at oh's mums house and next time you want something ask OH's Mum...

I don't know why she has to be so mean about it...

Why couldnt she of just said she was sad but have a think and the invitation is always open or something...

 

[Storm.]

Sounds odd and maybe not the best thing to suggest, but ask her what she would do in your shoes, When she had her first born did she want to spend the first Xmas with the child or with family, Sorry I dont know the situ so you may not be able to ask, but hey

Also maybe compramise say you will go over Boxing day or spent Xmas eve there, but if you really want to be at home, be strong and say no, this is our first Xmas with Hayden (so love that name BTW!) and we want our first to be as a family at home with out worrying about travelling around on Xmas day

Again sorry Im not much help but it really annoys me when familys turn selfish as soon as a lil one is born, they seem to forget that they once had a newborn baby and have done all this and that its now your turn to be a mum!

 

[Steelgoddess]

I mentioned the boxing/eve thing, she said its not the same...

Also when she hd both of us her folkis were dead so I assume they spend it alone but not out of choice...

Its really hard cause at the same time I don't want to hurt any feelings but on the other hand why should i be made to feel so awful.

I even suggested coming round to ours for a bit and she like when when we're arranging dinner etc...

 

[Squiglet]

your mum has to understand the torch has now been passed. Where Christmases were spent at your parents house as a family and you grandparents came over, or you went to see them on boxing day... now you are the parents and the roles have changed. From now on all Christmases should be at yours and your parents should go to you. They are not the parents any more but the grandparents. The same will happen when Hayden grows up and has kids of his own... its just the way things work.

 

[leckershell]

There's no reason why you can't just skip a year and see her next christmas day..?

We were with Nats mum and brother and half sister etc etc and I think if I'm being honest I still resent it now that I gave in to her insisting

 

[Steelgoddess]

Thank you for replying everyone, it always helps to have an outside opinion.

Im just going to stick to my guys, because what i always end up doing is telling someone how i feel they get upset and then i give in because I dont want to feel bad or them to feel bad either...

x

 

[CoreysMummy]

Look at it this way Hayden hasnt a clue whats going on... but next year, he will!! Tell your mum that your going to spend this year athome alone, and next year when Hayden is more aware you will have leverage to tell OH that your going to your mums this year as last year you did what he wanted and stayed at home!!

This year ima tell OH we can go to his parents... then next year... mine! he he!!

 

[happy-chick]

This christmas will be spent at home & we are planning on just the 3 of us in the morning, going out for xmas dinner with my mum & dad, MIL & FIL and my brother then all back to ours afterwards... that way everyone gets to share Ellies first xmas, we get some time just the 3 of us, theres nobody upset & nobody has to do the washing up I'm so excited about it, cant wait!

Your Mum should understand your reasons for wanting a nice family xmas with just the 3 of u, do you think she'll come round? x

 

[Steelgoddess]

Your Mum should understand your reasons for wanting a nice family xmas with just the 3 of u, do you think she'll come round? x

I guess so not without making me out to be the baddie to my sister and anyone else who will listen though.

I feel so hurt and it ferels worse cause 1. I feel really hormonal atm and 2. she made me feel REALLY bad about the decision i made...

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Oh Sharne I really feel for you we had this with MIL and pandered to her then my BIL had a LO and they did what they wanted and MIL just sat and took it

I say be selfish they will get over it eventually,

we let MIl come up in the morning to watch DS open his presents (when they get bigger you get a bit bored of the time it takes them to open everything so they help with that) I have crossiants and stuff out for people to much on and a big pot of tea, then they go home at about 10 and this works for us only down fall is you have to cook luch yourself

traditions are to be made asyour family evolves, we suggested that we always make boxing day a family thing with MIL as BIL goes up on this day to them but she moaned it wasnt the same so we dont bother, however it could have been a lovely compromise so she has basically cut her nose off to spite her face.

 

[littlepip]

This will be my first year not being at home but what ussually happens is my sisters came over to my mums with my neices and nephews and we all opened presents together and had a roast dinner at lunch time, then family came over or we went to my aunties for tea time and played with our presents lol.

This year because im a single mummy I think ill go to my mums still but i will probably spend a couple of hours at home with ryan and he can open the presents i got him in bed together. Then do the usual. I want ryan to have such a good day but i dont see the point in staying home for me because im on my own.

Not sure if ryan's dad's mum will want to see him as shes only known he excisted a month ago when i turned up on her door step and told her. And he doesnt see his dad anymore so looks like its just me and ryan

 

[happy-chick]

Your Mum should understand your reasons for wanting a nice family xmas with just the 3 of u, do you think she'll come round? x

I guess so not without making me out to be the baddie to my sister and anyone else who will listen though.

I feel so hurt and it ferels worse cause 1. I feel really hormonal atm and 2. she made me feel REALLY bad about the decision i made...

Aww hun dont feel bad its your choice at the end of the day, she's being quite selfish really as her being a mother should understand how special xmas time is especially their first... there will be plenty of other years when she can share it with you but this year you want it to be the 3 of you. Im sure your sister will understand why u want to stay at home? x

 

[kmac]

If you want to stay at home just the 3 of you then that is exactly what you should do. And don't feel bad about it.
Tell your mum you will see her on Boxing Day or whatever, but this is a once in a lifetime thing and you are going to do it your way.
Next Christmas you can go to hers, and no-one can say you shouldn't.

I don't know how our christmas is going to turn out I shall be waiting to pop!! But i think i just want to be at home with DH - our last christmas just the two of us!!! I will probably have family politics to deal with too, but who's going to argue with a heavily pregnant woman??

 

[trixipaws]

we spent last xmas (millie's first) at my parents' like we always have done. but thinking from now on we should try to do it ourselves. i need to learn to cook xmas dinner! eek iv only fot 3 months