Au-Pair?

[MissThing]

Hi girls

I am just wondering did anyone had/has an au-pair?

The thing is, that if we ever want another baby we will have to have some sort of help for me (absolutely no family around). At the moment we are a bit tight for money, but who knows, maybe something will change in a couple of years

Anyways, the questions are:

First of all how much does it cost?

How do/did you feel about a stranger living in your house?

What happens if you are not satisfied with the girl? (like if she is stealing, or isnt good with children or prettier then her profile photos are lol)

And is it intimidating to have a young pretty girl in the house, sometimes alone with your hubby? ( I trust my DH more then anyone and know that he would never hurt me, but once my best friend had to stay with us while I was away (long story) and I felt really weird about it. Nothing ever happened but I dont think I could do it again being in my right mind.

What happens if you go on holiday? Are you supposed to take her with you or not?

Do they just look after children or do they housework as well (if they do, do you have to pay extra)?

What about evenings? Will she just sit there watching telly with us or hangs around in her room?

And is there anything else I should know/think? Cant think myself of any other questions

 

[SarahH]

Jen & James has just got one

 

[MissThing]

SarahH


Any opinions? Anybody? Somebody?

 

[xkikix]

Hi Carina Hun,

I got your PM thanks darlin, going Blackpool tomorrow so will reply when I get back!

At my baby massage class there was a lady from Pychley who was getting an Au Pair cus she was a policewoman anddoes funny shifts. She was telling me that her Au Pair was paid £60 a week for just childcare and £80 if you wanted her to do ironing and cooking. Obviously you had to put them up in your home and pay for food but I thought that was so cheap! I could speak to her next time I see her if you like and text you/email you the details of where she found her?

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Hi girls

I am just wondering did anyone had/has an au-pair?

ME!

The thing is, that if we ever want another baby we will have to have some sort of help for me (absolutely no family around). At the moment we are a bit tight for money, but who knows, maybe something will change in a couple of years

Anyways, the questions are:

First of all how much does it cost?

Between £40 and £60 per week. We pay £60 for ours. Also have to pay for her food which is a hidden cost that you need to be aware of...especially if they eat a lot....

How do/did you feel about a stranger living in your house?

Its actually working out ok. Think it depends on the girl obviously but with Alix she is easy going and very easy to get on with. She has been with us 2 weeks and it was sommat i was really worried about but its fine. If hubby and i want privacy we have our room set up nice to go there - tv, etc etc so we can get cosy and have alone time if she is in the living room at a time we want to be by ourselves. But she is also studying, as most of em are, so she tends to go to her room in the evening to study. She is sat with us now as we speak and we are all just watching gladiators and chatting occasionally. Its actually really good cos its made us do things like eat at the table every night when we would normally have tea in front of the TV so its improved family life in that way too.

What happens if you are not satisfied with the girl? (like if she is stealing, or isnt good with children or prettier then her profile photos are lol)
If its sommat like stealing you can let them go straight away. If its that you decide you dont want one for whatever reason thats not really her fault then you have to give at least 2 one weeks notice. To protect yourself i would get a contract. There is a ready made contract on the British Au Pairs website which i can send you the link for if you PM me.

And is it intimidating to have a young pretty girl in the house, sometimes alone with your hubby? ( I trust my DH more then anyone and know that he would never hurt me, but once my best friend had to stay with us while I was away (long story) and I felt really weird about it. Nothing ever happened but I dont think I could do it again being in my right mind.

Nope not for me. I have to be very honest here and say choose wisely. I made sure I had pics and my au pair, although very lovely in personality, is someone who I dont feel intimidated by physically. Sorry if that makes me sound a bitch! But like you I was worried about that esp as Im preggers and only gonna get bigger!!! Hubby also doesnt really tend to deal with her tbh - he leaves that to me so they dont really get much alone time together cos he works all day then of an evening we are all together. So its been fine!

What happens if you go on holiday? Are you supposed to take her with you or not?

You dont have to but we are (going to Portugal next month ) figured it would be nice for DH and me to have a night off to go out for a romantic meal and just to have an extra pair of hands cos i know the heat will knock me out being preggers (it did last year on my honeymoon when i was pregnant with James)

Do they just look after children or do they housework as well (if they do, do you have to pay extra)?

No housework is usually part of the deal. They work a max of 5 hours a day usually, and its up to you to dictate what they do in that 5 hours, although they dont usually do very heavy house work and it does tend to revolve around the kids (keep their room tidy etc). With Alix, I give her a list of things that I would like her to do every day and its up to her when she does them. Its her job to keep on top of keeping the kitchen tidy (load and unload dishwasher etc) and she will help me with vacuuming, polishing, etc. But as Im home I muck in too or do the ironing or sommat whilst she is cleaning, upshot is my workload is reduced and even if she is just keeping an eye on James so i can get dinner done etc, its an amazing help.

What about evenings? Will she just sit there watching telly with us or hangs around in her room?

Depends on the girl really. Make sure you provide her with a tv in her room so she can go there if she wants but you cannot stipulate that she must go to her room as she is supposed to be one of the family

And is there anything else I should know/think? Cant think myself of any other questions

errrr. Think about if you want them to be able to drive and whether you can provide a car for their use (either insure them on yours or whatever) We wanted a driver as we live in the country so when i get bigger and may need things, its important for our au pair to be able to run errands etc.

cant think of anything else. Hope that helps!

 

[Sherlock]

Having been an au pair I'm kind of wary about the whole thing. Your questions have been well answered above anyways

FWIW a few things...

How do/did you feel about a stranger living in your house?

The general rule of thumb for au pairing that I know is kind of like this...

An au pair is supposed to live as part of the family. So you have to be ok with having a stranger in your home living as part of the family. They need to have room and board, plus TV, medical insurance and iIRC an English language course paid for. You cannot make them spend time in their room per se. They are to come and go as any other member of the family in the family rooms etc. Same with meals, they will eat with you and the children etc. Not on their own.

If you take day trips etc its usual to include and pay for the au pair to go also (esp if you expect her to help with childcare on those days out). 2 days off a week, usually weekends and only 2 evenings a week babysitting (one of which can be a weekend night). Anything else is extra and by negotiation only. Also there is not meant to be any sole charge of the children in daytime. The au pair is there to support the mother, not be left with children for the day. They are not qualified in childcare etc and are really like a babysitter than a nanny.

What happens if you are not satisfied with the girl? (like if she is stealing, or isnt good with children or prettier then her profile photos are lol)

If you go via a reputable agency they should match you up with someone decent to suit your family. You need to get past the image you have of a pretty young girl who'll flirt with your husband as its really not like that at all in my experience. It does happen occasionally but on the whole its rare.

Most au pairs are genuine and wanting to experience life in another country. They are not there to rip you off. If you are unhappy with the au pair you can discuss with the agency and have them mediate perhaps or else give her notice.

Re the not being good with children. As I said, au pairs are not qualified in childcare. Many will only know the basics. Some not even that. Hence them not having sole charge. You can show your au pair how you like certain things done and they will hopefully be decent to pick things up and learn quickly. Some will have babysitting experience or have younger siblings but they probably won't have a wealth of child care experience to draw on.

And is it intimidating to have a young pretty girl in the house, sometimes alone with your hubby? ( I trust my DH more then anyone and know that he would never hurt me, but once my best friend had to stay with us while I was away (long story) and I felt really weird about it. Nothing ever happened but I dont think I could do it again being in my right mind.

Please remember the living as part of the family etc. Hopefully if you approach it with the right mindset it won't be a case of being 'satisfied' with her more a thing that she becomes like a member of your family and if all works out you'll still be in touch 15 years later when your kids leave home (as I am with my previous au pair family). She may also not like you and your family and wish to leave. Its her perogative to do so. So it works both ways. I left a family I didn't like.

What happens if you go on holiday? Are you supposed to take her with you or not?

Up to you. Some do, some don't. If you don't she can take her own holiday then. I went on holidays (and did some work and babysitting but also had lots of free time) and on others stayed in the family home while they went. Other times I went on my own holiday.

Do they just look after children or do they housework as well (if they do, do you have to pay extra)?

Light housework only. Nothing heavy/grotty. Plus things like preparing food for children, tidying their rooms, changing bed linen, walking the dog... caring for the kids as support for you.

What about evenings? Will she just sit there watching telly with us or hangs around in her room?

They join in with your family life. You'll hopefully encourage them to go on outings and the odd evening out with the family etc. My family always used to pay entry to things, food when out etc. If I didn't want to go I'd stay home. I did things like theatre with the family, sailing, trips to the zoo/museums/parks etc with them all. Also attended birthday parties etc.

And is there anything else I should know/think? Cant think myself of any other questions

Car - as has been said, if you want her to drive you need to provide car, fuel and insurance. If you live rural for sure you need to provide a means for them to get about. If in town/city check as you may have to cover public transport costs to a certain amount.

Medical insurance is for you to cover also iirc. Mine was always paid for by the family. Plus any holiday insurance if I went with them.

Holiday entitlement - I used to get 4 weeks of my own time. Plus Christmas off (I went back to England one year, another stayed there while they went away).

Do you want someone who can swim? If so specify but don't expect them to have sole charge of children swimming. More that they can then help you

Pets - if you have any make sure your au pair is ok with them all and is happy to help care for them a bit.

Smoking - make it a definate no.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Oo just wanted to add, I got Alix from Aupairworld.net. You pay a fee and can search all the au pairs and speak to them to get a feel for what they are like and that you would be a good match. I felt this a more appropriate way rather than relying on an agency as tbh i worked in recruitment for years and know quite a bit about them and they just tend to scan the same websites that you would as a family anyway.
It was an important criteria for me that I got someone who would be a friend and really fit in with the family as i spend a lot of time alone with hubby away working.
Because i got to vet the au pair myself, it was better as Alix and i spent a lot of time chatting on MSN before we both finally agreed that we could live together etc.
It has definitely worked as we get on well and she comes everywhere with me - plus we tried to make sure she was happy and settled by doing things like taking her out on her first night for a typical english country pub dinner, shown her round Liverpool, taken her to the boat etc etc. As a result she is very happy and does little things for me without me even asking like she cleaned out the oven for me the other day and sorted out James's wardrobe.
So its all working really well.

 

[Sherlock]

It has definitely worked as we get on well and she comes everywhere with me - plus we tried to make sure she was happy and settled by doing things like taking her out on her first night for a typical english country pub dinner, shown her round Liverpool, taken her to the boat etc etc. As a result she is very happy and does little things for me without me even asking like she cleaned out the oven for me the other day and sorted out James's wardrobe.
So its all working really well.

Sounds like a good au pair/family match there. A really positive thing is that Alix is happy to do little extras without being asked. Shows she is happy and wanting to contribute and feels part of the family. An au pair that shuts herself away and doesn't muck in is usually an unhappy one.

Hope it contines as well as it seems to have done so far

 

[MissThing]

Thanks girls for answers

Sherlock - seems that you were quite lucky with your family. Because from what you have told seems that it was quite a wealthy one.

We arent that wealthy and we are considering having an au-pair only if we have another baby. (Just for the fact that Ill go crazy all on my own)
Will have to think really hard about it.

Thanks for your answer, hun