Discipline

[Flossy82]

Hey all just wondering how we all discipline or are going to discipline( or for those of us who have had there first) kids i fid it a bit hard to to try and do it with my little boy as he will only be two in june but i like to think that he knows what is right and whats wrong. I dont think that i will be very strict withe the kiddies when they are growing up but i also wont let them get away with murder i would also like to think that i will be fair in whatever i do. Also i realise that not everyone is or will be the same in whatever they do with there own children.
So what are your thoughts on this?? I will put up a poll to see what you will do?. Sorry if the questions are a bit naff i aint no good at this sort of thing but here goes anyway.

 

[Tiny Sue]

As a teacher who went through the first half of this year pregnant and teaching 31 four and five year olds, one of whom had no English coming to school, one of whom has down's syndrome and three or four of whom had no discipline at all coming from home, I am very much a supporter of the notion that children need boundaries.

I think that children who don't have boundaries will just run amok. They need definitions of what is and isn't acceptable. For instance, of the three kids that caused trouble for me last year, one told lies to her mother about me, causing no end of upset. One was forever hiding another kid's lunchbox and I even caught one stuffing the toilet with wads and wads of toilet tissue in an effort to flood the bathroom. At five!!! I dread to think what was happening at home. I realise that this doesn't sound bad, but with 28 other kids all needing attention and support, it's difficult to keep on top of such things.

I will not beat my children, I will not shout at them. They will never be told to shut up. They will never be laughed at for their mistakes. BUT they will know when bad behaviour is not acceptable, and they will know because I will show them.

Sounds all very idealistic now, doesn't it? It's probably because I've successfully run some very difficult classes from one year to another for twelve years now. It might be difficult with my own children, but I intend to try!

Incidentally, what do you guys think of slapping children?

Sue

 

[willow1010]

haha im the only 1 thats woted no so far. Bliss can do whatever she likes lol. well i spose its how were brought up isnt it? i ws never displined n i turned out alryt (hmmmmmm) lol.
love xx willow xx

 

[bubble_dreamer]

i without a doubt will discipline my children. my son suffers from adhd and dyspraxia so it is very hard with him but i have to persevere he needs to be disciplined no matter what.
my daughter now 1 already understands that no means no and if i say no she wont do it.
i honestly think that the way things are in this world now children need to be disciplined.

 

[Flossy82]

If my llittle boy is naughty then yes i will smack him not hard only a tap on the hand i believe there is no harm in doing this as long as you dont take it to the extreme's.

 

[beanie]

I think that too much of the wrong type of discipline can be as harmful as not enough good discipline. I sadly see too many examples in my line of work of people who either have no respect for the rules and laws of our society and those that have been bought up believing violence is the answer to everything. At the risk of offending some, and I do apologise if I do, I feel that as parents we actually have a responsibility to teach our children right and wrong and what is acceptable behaviour. Discipline seems to be a dirty word, giving images of beating children etc but I think that this is not the case and used correctly discipline can be very effective.

The issue of smacking a child is a difficult one. I see some parents who respond to their child hitting another one by hitting them which does not make any sense to me. I personally don't like the idea that I can hit my child if I feel that they are doing wrong, yet tell them off for using violence, I just think that it is too much of a mixed message. As an adult I am also aware that to a small child I can be very scary if I wanted to be, I used to be terrified if my dad threatened to smack us, even though he never did, because he was so big. However like Flossy said it is about extremes, and smacking done with a belt or brush is unnacceptable in my eyes. The law actually states that it is illegal to smack if there is a mark left on the skin (not sure what the exact wording is sorry).

 

[Dee1985]

hi bubble_dreamer i to believe in disapline i tell Dior no and she knows what im saying because she will shake her head she knows that the Fire is NO she will crawl up to it and shake her head, or look back at me to see if i am watching, but some times she will be a lil bugga and still do it and when i say no she will give me a lil grunt noice... iv been in the situation were i say no so many times but she will still push her luck, what steps do u take then? or does your lil girl listen first time? would u smack?
i have twice now smacked Dior on the hand pointed at her and said no and she breaks her heart but i let her have her tantrum.... got any advice as i no your lil girl is the same age. will they understand a smack on the hand?

 

[Kim]

haha im the only 1 thats woted no so far. Bliss can do whatever she likes lol. well i spose its how were brought up isnt it? i ws never displined n i turned out alryt (hmmmmmm) lol.
love xx willow xx

 

[lauramumof2]

I think that children who don't have boundaries will just run amok. They need definitions of what is and isn't acceptable. I will not beat my children, I will not shout at them. They will never be told to shut up. They will never be laughed at for their mistakes. BUT they will know when bad behaviour is not acceptable, and they will know because I will show them.

Incidentally, what do you guys think of slapping children?

Sue

I basically think along the same lines as sue. As for slapping, Ive done it once and wont do it again. It didnt achieve anything and since then if a similar situation has arose I have tackled it differently and it has been effective.

I think children feel safe when boundaries are in place and they know right and wrong and the consequences of doing wrong. Also its good for them to know when they have done right.

Willow, I think as Bliss gets a bit older you might change your mind. As a mum it might upset you to see her maybe be naughty and to teach her the right thing is also a bonding thing. When she starts to say 'no' and gets a cheeky look you will see what I mean

 

[Hypnorm]

Ewan will get disciplined if he is naughty - i think i would only smack in an extreme. I think his dad will be quite strong with him. people have said 'oh you'll have to move all your ornaments' and i have said no he will learn not to touch. as i did.
It is all about respect - which these days doesn't seem to exist.
Respect is earned both ways.
i was smacked and it did me no harm - but some people take it to an extreme.
if you don't teach them what is right and wrong how will they grow up in society.

Having watched supernanny!! i don't want my kids telling me to f@{: off and bite etc etc.

I think i will go for three strikes and you're out. i.e our friends kid is always being asked to put his toys away or get ready for bed, and he always says no! and the parents keep asking him and he keeps saying no. so in the end they put the toys away or chase him and try to get him changed for bed. so he gets away with it.
Hopefully i can get Ewan so that he knows he will get asked three times and if he doesn't do some thing he wil be punished either by taking a toy away, sitting on the stairs or somthing like that.

I'm looking in to reward charts with stickers etc they might be a good idea instead of choccie or bribes with toys..

 

[tracyM]

I'm nowhere near as strict as my mum used to be, but when I see some other parents and what they let their kids get up to, I'm probably a dragon!!

I think the most important things are to set boundaries and to stick to them, and to lead by example. Rather than just saying 'no', we always explain 'why', and we try to make them responsible for their own actions. If they can find a valid and well thought out reason for not having a certain boundary, we'll compromise. If we find a new problem, we involve them in the decision to set a new rule. It's got easier as they're getting older - Charlotte takes her lead from what Daniel does, no doubt Alex will do the same

We don't smack and rarely shout. IMO, shouting and smacking is a sign that you've lost control - a stern word said calmly has much more effect. I would smack if the situation called for it and I was calm and in control, but so far I've always found better ways

One of the rules we have is that they must walk alongside us when we're out walking. If they start running ahead, we stop dead and won't set off again until we're all together again, without saying a word. They also know from the tone of my voice when I really mean no. We don't give them unrealistic threats that they know we won't carry out - if I tell them they'll go to bed early, they go to bed early. I never apologise to them for disciplining them, but I always explain why I've disciplined them.

The only problem we're having now is constant bickering over really petty stuff (how many cornflakes they each have!!) - Stuart tells me it's normal but it drives me insane. We're trying time out on the bottom step, but all three of them ended up there today - rethink needed !!

 

[Dee1985]

a smack on the hand im ok with but when they get to about 5 maybe a smack on the leg, this is what i had done to me, i dont want to smack dior and hope i never have to but my lil brother who is 4 has pushed me to some limits sometimes were i think its very hard to stay calm.

my mum smacks him, he hits my daughter who is only one and when he does my dad gives him a good smack but iv always found the best way to deal with him is dont talk to him, tell him how much he has upset me andto stay away from me if he wants to be a horrible brother, then when he is sorry il play on it for about another hr then he feels extra soory.... thats the best solution to his naughty ways

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

i will bring Braydon up like my parents brought me up! i dont think they did a bad job with me - i know i have had a baby young but i know the different from right and wrong. i love my family and i see family as the most important thing in people lifes, and i hope B thinks that to.
i have disapline from my parents and i dont see it as a bad thing even at 18, i have had such a good life and see half of that from the way mum and dad brought me up and i hope B feels the same about me,
if i ever did nething bad i would be made to face the front door for however long m n d felt suitable for the thing i did wrong, which i will be using with B as i h8ed that punishment to it obviously worked.
-i was never allowed to swear still get told of for it lol
-i was never allowed to leave the table at dinner times before every1 had finishes
-i had to be polite and well behaved at home and out
and loads more all of which i will be using with B

sorry its long

 

[Yvonne]

A child will only understand why things are bad if you explain to them.

My method with Amy is explain why it's wrong, if she does it again straight after it's a warning, if it carries on it's a shouting at and if she carries on it's a smacked hand.

 

[Dee1985]

Hi amy's mum, any sujestions what i should do when Dior is only 1 and dont understand me talking to her?

with the fire iv held her hand close to it so she can feel the heat then told her firmly its naughty.. it seems to have worked poor lil thing seemed scared but she dont go near it now but as for the dvd player??
she always wants to mess about with it and its very expensive stuff my patner is very much into his electricals but when i tell Dior no she will try to push her luck? il tell her no she will grunt then try again then i do this about 3 times then if i shout "NO" she will crawl up to me crying for a love.. but try again a hr or so later

does she understand? i dont want to be confusing her

 

[lauramumof2]

Dionne,
I had the same prob with the dvd and stereo. I found that 'no' only provoked a reaction and turned into a game so If she started fiddling with it I just went over and quickly picked her up and took her to something else. They actually have quite short attention spans, that surprised me. Sometimes a look from me is enough and sometimes she just wants to be naughty and touch it especially when she is tired but I actually cant remember now when the last time was that she went near it. If its not getting a reaction then its no fun

 

[Yvonne]

she'll understand you, hense the reason she cried.

Everytime she tries to mess with something she shouldn't, tell her no, if she tries it again tell her no and move her away, keep moving her til she understands she shouldn't be near it.

They are alot clever than you think babies/toddlers

This worked for Amy anyway

 

[Dee1985]

lol thats probly what it is the lil madam.... and her new thing now is i say no in a tone like "nooooo" and she says "yeahhhhhh" lol does make me laff but from now on il just try and distact her from it, i do find it hard at this age as she prob thinks its unfair i touch it and she cant lol but as she gets older i can explane why no is no...

cheers for the advice x

 

[bubble_dreamer]

hi bubble_dreamer i to believe in disapline i tell Dior no and she knows what im saying because she will shake her head she knows that the Fire is NO she will crawl up to it and shake her head, or look back at me to see if i am watching, but some times she will be a lil bugga and still do it and when i say no she will give me a lil grunt noice... iv been in the situation were i say no so many times but she will still push her luck, what steps do u take then? or does your lil girl listen first time? would u smack?
i have twice now smacked Dior on the hand pointed at her and said no and she breaks her heart but i let her have her tantrum.... got any advice as i no your lil girl is the same age. will they understand a smack on the hand?

the majority of the time beth listens first time as with you i have had to smack her on the hand if she still doesnt listen and she throws her little tantrum but the couple of times i have had to smack her hand have always been for different things and she hasnt done them again now when i say no to it she knows that i mean it and doesnt do it again what i used to do with my son if that didnt work was sit him in the travel cot with no toys for 10mins as when he threw a tantrum he really threw one and i was scared he was going to hurt himself. im not sure they do understand a smack on the hand at this age but it seems to work im not doing it hard and im definatly not hurting her and when they cry i think its more of a shock than anything else. apart from that i dont really know what else to do but then i havent got to the stage at the moment where i have needed to use any other form of discipline with her if you know what i mean

 

[Tiny Sue]

i was smacked and it did me no harm - but some people take it to an extreme.

I agree there. I was smacked as a child - but I don't remember the smacks. They were usually light and didn't hurt at all, but I knew that that was it, I wasn't to test the boundaries any further.

Unfortunately I also got a couple of good beatings, both of which I remember. They were done in anger, and not in anger at me but because the person beating me was angry for another reason. I never had a mark left on me, though I was very frightened and upset at the time.

For that reason, I have vowed (and OH with me on this) that if I use a form of mild corporal punishment such as a smack on the back of the hand or on the bottom, I will not be angry when I do it. If I feel angry, then I will take a time out, go away and think about it. I will not slap a child in anger. And even at that, it will take the absolute limit for me to physically chastise a child. I think that things like loss of privileges or withdrawal of attention work better. If you slap a child, you are actually giving them a form of attention, which all small children crave. If you withdraw the attention then they soon see that nobody will want to be in the company of someone who misbehaves.

I hope I'm making sense here... And not talking myself in circles!

Dionne, I remember my mother slapping my sister to keep her away from the fire. When this didn't work (it didn't) she gave up and said maybe if she burned a finger she would keep away from it herself, having learned her lesson! I thought it was harsh, but it WAS an approach that the baby had to learn for herself. I'm not suggesting that you do that! Perhaps a fireguard? You can get big ones that are built like a cage around the fireplace so that the baby can't get in around or on top of it...

Sue