At wits end with OH

[Bee7]

Sorry ladies, this is going to be a bit of a rant but i'm fuming at the moment and really fed up.

Basically my OH and i have recently moved into a rented property. We're getting a really good deal as it's my family friends we are renting from. We have lived together before but we broke up and went our separate ways mainly due to arguments over money. He has no concept of budgeting, has a lot of debt and also used to gamble a lot which put major pressure on me to pay bills etc. We started seeing each other again earlier in the year and i (accidently) fell pregnant. He does seem to have changed a lot and i thought giving him a second chance and living together again was the right thing to do.

Now i'm wondering if i've done the right thing. He constantly wants to spend money on things we can't afford. It's mostly things for the house and he doesn't go out spending money with his friends or anything so i can't really complain about that too much, but i just get so frustrated having to repeat myself time and time again and try and kerb his spending. Plus this weekend i've found out he has debts of nearly £800 that he hadn't told me about. These are from a long time ago and i've offered to help him pay them so we can start afresh. However i said i'd do this on the condition that he let me see his bank statements regularly so i know exactly what he's spending his money on and that there are no more debts or bills that i don't know about. At which point he got really funny and accused me of being 'controlling' which pretty much suggests that he's lying and has something else to hide.

I just don't know what to do. He's fine in every other way and has been a massive help these past few weeks. He does everything for me and is so excited for baby to arrive. But i just cannot trust him where money is concerned and i'm worried that when i go onto SMP and part time wages that i'll have to rely on him financially. I've tried so hard to save money since finding out i was pregnant and don't want MY money to have to go on bailing him out time and time again. But i also don't want us to break up over money.

Sorry for the long post, just really don't know what to do and don't need the stress of this at the moment xx

 

[jojo_2012]

He's hiding debts from you , maybe hide some of your money from him for a rainy day. Let him pay off his debt himself if he doesn't want to be open with his details.

I really hate gamblers I used to go out with one they rationalise everything in really weird ways that normal people can't make sense of. A really short term way of thinking IYKWIM?

 

[Verity2011]

Awww hon, I don't have much to advise really - money is a big thing in a lot of relationships and can be really tough to sort through, I've definitely had my experience of this!

I think only you can decide at what point the money problems are worse than the support you are getting in other ways. I agree it's a scary thing to become reliant on your partner financially after having a baby but that's even worse when they seem to be hiding something from you. The only thing I can advise is writing down your issues, concerns and worries and sitting down with OH and explaining all these as neutrally as possible. When he gets defensive and aggressive point out to him gently that this suggests you have touched a nerve and he's hiding something and you both need to be as honest as possible for the baby's sake.

Really sorry hon, I really do understand and know how difficult this can be