assault by my oh

[kellyjayy]

on the 13th july my oh assaulted me by beating for am hour am was 17 weeks pregnant he slap me and knee on my tummy i was taking to a&e where they scaned me and there blood in the baby tummy they said nothing to worry about it get look at again on my 20 weeks scan which is the 5th aug

the thing is i still love me husband i want he to come back home after the trial on the 3rd of sept am i being mad foer thinking he could change in to that guy i fell in love with 7 years ago he on bail so he not meant to contact which he has beeen say he loves me one min then its over i am so confused dont know what to do

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

hey hun sorry your going threw this i know itll be hrd deciding whats best but you have got to think of the little one he beat you up could he do it to little one when LO is here? youll always be think that hes going to do it again everytime you have an argue youll end up blaming yourself ive been in relationship like that with my ex hubby its not something i can go thru again if chris ever lifted his hand to me id be out in a flash its wrong for him to abuse you especially when your pregnant, i wouldnt take him back after what he did. hell say thts hs changed but they say leopards dont change there spots. its one of the hardest things to decide espicially when your thining whats best for little one. i hope your ok

 

[LouiseB]

My gut response is to to tell you that the choice is between you and your baby or your OH - who do you love more?

Babies need a safe environment much more than they need a father.

I always feel a bit helpless regarding these topics, but i know you are going to do what you want anyway and probably take your abusive OH back and allow him to take a few more pop shots at your baby.

I can just about see a ray of hope when men lash out, but a knee to the gut when you are pregnant is a very very deliberate act and i don't think there is any come back.

 

[rakrak]

oh hun, sorry to hear this. Personally I think you need to stay away from each other for the time being. What he did was an appalling act - quite deliberate in my eyes... Yeah you love him but you need to focus on yourself and your baby and no-one else. Before you take him back I think you should go and see someone together to help talk things over and try to help build up some trust again... If you don't how are you going to be if you argue again? Will you be in fear again? If so, this is no way to live and certainly no way to raise a child...

Good luck hun, but please just take some time out and concentrate on yourself and baby for now. We're all here for you if you need to talk xxx

 

[Rowesb]

I think I would be incredably wary of taking him back immediately, You have to think of the safety of your LO

 

[karenandbump]

I would stay away hon....u have a little one to think of and he needs some serious help before u even think aboyt going back xxx

 

[kellyjayy]

i know i need to walk away but he keep chatting to me making me feel so guilty and blaming me for things he stop paying all the bills when everythink is in his name i just can't belive he do this to me

 

[Rowesb]

^^ that sounds as though he is breaking his bail conditions

 

[x_MrsE_x]

If hes acting that way knowing he shouldnt even contact you, doesnt sound like he actually cares about what hes done or what is going to happen when breaking the bail terms.

If i was in your situation i would tell him to shove off where the sun dont shine, no one gets to hurt me or my children and get a second chance!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Men like this rarely change - you know what he is capable of, don't put yourself or you LO at risk - there are groups out there which are set up to help folk

 

[becks20]

For 1 id say dont take him back and 2ndly he is breaking his bail conditions by talking to you and probably trying to get you to drop charges so he wont get done for what hes done to you. What happens if next time your not so lucky? think about that x

 

[kellyjayy]

think he all ready won he was so nice to me on monday that i already drop the charges also felt to scared to stand up in court and face his father his dad tryed to make me get ruined of this child back in may

 

[Princess81]

Right
1. Leave him and don't go back
2. This is the start of a domestic abuse cycle, these can kick in for the first time on a pregnant woman, a man who has voilent tendencies can be "started off" by a pregnancy and feeling left out as it's the woman who is the soul guardian of the baby whilst she is pregnant. This will not change once the baby arrives because he will always feel jealous and be blaming you for him being the odd one out.
3. Not paying the bills is another form of abuse, financial abuse. It's all about controlling the other person and this will continue until he finds some other way of controlling you.
3. He should not be contacting you, this sounds hugely like a breach of bail. Do you know if it is custody sergeant police bail or magistrates bail? Either way it's but magistrates bail is a serious breach and he can go to prison.
4. If he's blaming things on you now imagine what it'll be like when he's not trying to get back into your good books? it's all about manipulation and CONTROL.

Get out of there, don't go back. Don't take his calls and don't try to contact him. He's done it once and he can easily do it again, I see it every day.

There will be a local women's aid near you who can help, and even give you somewhere to stay here's the number 0808 2000 247

I know you are torn, but these situation's rarely improve, especially as it was such a prolonged attack on you, causing such harm to you and your baby. A slap, once, maybe. Not that.

Please take care of yourself xx

 

[Princess81]

Don't drop the charges, he's trying to bully you with this, it'll never stop unless you stop it. Be strong. I sat in court all day with a girl last week and the dickhead that beat her up thought she wouldn't testify, well I sat with her through the whole thing and told her she could do it. He got 4 months prison. You can do it. You deserve better for you and baby xx

 

[bonbon]

OMG!! kelly hun you gotta get out do what the girls have advised my friend had a long term relationship and he was lovely to start with then all of a sudden a slap her a punch there and she forgave him everytime and he told her it would never happen again in the end he beat her soooo bad one night he kicked her in the stomache so bad she was rushed that night to a&e and had to have an emergency hysterectomy and she really wanted to eventually have children and now that it is all lost on her stomache she had a bruise with the imprint of his boot including the tread!!!! god i am so concerned about you love please look after yourself and yes the police took action through the hospital and he did go to prison for it and is now out of prison and has two children and my friend will never have children of her own and is currently going through adoption with a lovely fella who doesnt abuse her he doesnt deserve his children after what he done to my friend but thats what life deals sometimes but again i am saying please please leave it dont have anything to do with him not alot more i can say other than what the girls have said you can always talk to us hear if you need too...until then t..xx my friend is only 26yrs old a lifetime of generations lost...so sad....dont think i will ever get over it to be honest...

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Your a fool to take him back Kelly!

As the other ladies have pointed out there are lots of agencies and help available out there but YOU have to want it and be strong enough to carry it through!

Hes hit you AND your unborn baby and prob not only once so WHY ON EARTH would you want to take him back?

Lots of women in your situation get out, manage financially on their own and live more positive lives than living in an extremely abusive relationship!

Like one of the ladies pointed out you have to choose between you and your baby....or someone who beats you and your unborn baby up! Its as simple as that!

Get out while your still alive coz these situations only get worse and before you know it he will do something so bad to you or your baby and there will be no turning back!

I cant wish you luck as luck is not on your side....YOUR life is what YOU make it and you need to decide if your life is going to be a happy healthy safe enviroment for you and your baby or a one which is filled with fear, violence, abuse and terror!

We will support you here on the forum but we cant make you leave him thats something YOU must decide!

Think about it carefully!

 

[Princess81]

If proceedure is the same on the mainland as it is here the police/cps will continue with a prosecution anyway regardless of whether the injured party wants to pursue the complaint or not. Evidence will be based on police observations at the time of the attack and her medical notes and doctor observations. Too many people retract due to fear of reprisal. The offenders in these cases are bullies to start with and a victim backing down makes them feel more empowered. The case I was at last week, the defendant really was so arrogant that he thought the victim wouldn't testify so on that basis he contested the whole case hoping it would collapse without her evidence. Well she DID show up and he freaked out and pleaded guilty because she stood up to him. She was present and ready for him. Don't get me wrong she was in a right state but I was so so proud of her for being so brave as to do the right thing. They will get justice served on them and I hope the full force of the law hits them like a tonne of bricks.

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Oh hun you really do need to stay well away! I kbow right now he's being all sweetness and like, but that's just him exerting his control over you! How long would it be before he does it again? Even if he says he wouldn't, leopards don't change their spots unfortunately you need to think of your baby, what if next time je does it he knocks you out and leaves you seriously injured and then f***s off leaving baby crying and all alone? I don't reallytalk much about my past, but this really struck a chord - I was kneed in the stomach whilst pregnant, which he still denies to this day - at the time I was too weak to leave him but ibknew I needed to! The threat was always "if you weren't pregnant..." I ended up getting pregnant again pretty soon after and whilst I was pregnant I knew I had to leave for the kids sakes! He was extremely controlling, I had to do everything when he said etc! Anyway, I'm not going into it too much, but I basically knew I needed tovleave before #2 was born, in the end I left him just weeks before she was born and it was the best thing I ever did! Everyone commented straight away how much happier i was and how all the stress and worry had gone from my face! Anyway, I've rambled and been distracted by babies so this probs don't male much sense but basically, you need to leave Hun, if not for your sake, for your baby's! Sending you some massive and if you ever want to chat, feel free to pm me xxxx

 

[mamalove]

He doesn't love you, if he did he wouldn't even dream of hurting you and his unborn child.
You know it will happen again, could happen to your baby .. like someone else said - figure out whos more important to you ..good luck x

 

[kellyjayy]

thank you all for your support just so confused got two other child who was removed by socail workers who are living with his paprents this is why i dont know what to do thought about ending it all just feel like he won allready his mothersaid to me if he even lives he get the kids i dont want to lose my babes the olders one not his they kind threating to put her in care his mother trying to stop my contact withthe kids feel so lost so alone i can eat i cant sleep he also got mental health problems he got ban from driving in march this year thats when it all started in june last year his parents make me get rid of my 6 week old baby thats when things started to go wrong we both wanted that child but didnt have a choose