assault by my oh

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

If your kids have been taken away from you 'presumably' as a result of his behaviour and your decision to stay with him, then I have to ask yet again WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT HIM BACK? Him or your KIDS? Its really not a hard decision is it!

Im sorry I may come accross harsh but the way I see it you have a choice!

You either stay in this abusive relationship and in time loose ALL your kids....or you get rid of him, get your life turned around and hopefully have your kids back with YOU where they belong! Right??

If you have done nothing wrong to loose your kids then by leaving him you can look into getting them back! But if you have chosen your relationship with him over your kids then Im sorry they are better off away from you both. If he has mental heath issues and thats a reason why they are now not residing with you then again....you need to look at who and what is more important to you in your life!

I get so mad at situations like this when I can empathise and understand that being in an abusive relationship is a circle you ladies try to break....but where YOUR kids are concerned.....what more encouragement can you possibly need to know that you need to get out, stay out and get your children back?

I really hope you see sense before its all too late!


Your children should always come first and if your eldest isnt even his then I see no reason why you cant get her back too!


PLEASE DONT CARRY ON THIS LIFE....YOUR KIDS NEED YOU MORE THAN YOU NEED HIM!

 

[Tasha89]

^^^ I agree - is it really worth the heartache of losing another child to social services because he tells you it wont happen again? It's not worth risking hun.

If my Jamie even THOUGHT about raising his hand to me or my baby he'd be behind bars before you could say 'nicked'! Regardless of how many sorry's or sweet nothings he whispered in my ear!

 

[Mamafy]

thank you all for your support just so confused got two other child who was removed by socail workers who are living with his paprents this is why i dont know what to do thought about ending it all just feel like he won allready his mothersaid to me if he even lives he get the kids i dont want to lose my babes the olders one not his they kind threating to put her in care his mother trying to stop my contact withthe kids feel so lost so alone i can eat i cant sleep he also got mental health problems he got ban from driving in march this year thats when it all started in june last year his parents make me get rid of my 6 week old baby thats when things started to go wrong we both wanted that child but didnt have a choose

I've read your story with open mouth but even more so now

Easy choice, him or my kids and he'd be HISTORY, no ifs no buts and no maybes!

What he done to you is bad but what he done to your unborn baby is dispicable

Have I read this right, you've dropped the charges?

Were you pregnant last year and HIS parents made you have a termination? I'msorry but if I've took this up right how could an adult, any adult MAKE you do that?

Sorry for the questions hunny, its hard for us to comprehend this from the outside, we will support you all we can xx

I agree with Wilma the kids were took for their own safety obviously as they feared you'd take him back? Why did they go to HIS parents, has he access to them?

 

[becks20]

Even dropping charges if there is enough evidence then he will either be sent to prison through evidence or be given a caution for 3 years in which time if he does anything along the lines of hit anyone etc again then he would be sent straight to prison. Your children would NOT be given to him and if he is living with his parents who have the kids then the kids would be re-assessed to live with someone else in your family or theres. He wouldnt be allowed near the children on a living basis if he gets done for it x

 

[Princess81]

as the others have been saying, the choice is yours and that choice is him or your kids. Who do you want more? Your children or him?
You clearly cannot have both. he has already posed a threat to your unborn child, if he is evil enough to do that then why do you think he will ever change once the baby arrives?
Do you really want this child to be taken into care when it is born too?
Cut this man and his family out of your life. It sounds like the only way you will get any of your children back and provide them, and the new baby with a stable, secure and safe life.

 

[bonbon]

well done princess couldnt have worded it better myself get out and away from this monster and get your children home with you and provide them and this little angel you have coming with a stable safe and loving enviourment...xxx please keep us updated on your progress i am sooooo worried about you you wouldnt believe you gotta be strong for your children you must put them FIRST...xxtxx

 

[Stunned]

You have to sit down and think hard about what is best, not just for you but for ALL your children including this one not yet born but already a victim of domestic violence.

At my work, we see so many ladies who are in a similar situation as yourself - stuck in a violent relationship with what seems like no way out, what with the partner's family and friends ganging up on her. I am not sure but it seems like you do not have any support system that as nothing to do with your partner or his family. Are you estranged from your own family and friends because of him and perhaps his threats/treatment towards you?

There is support out there for you - be it family, friends, neighbours or professional organisations such as Women's Aid (tel number of your local is in the book)

We see women being repeat victims over and over again - he tells her that he is really sorry and didnt mean it (even when he's broken her jaw or ribs) and wont do it again, or she said that she was asking for it cos she didnt put the dinner on the table on time. She drops the charges and takes him back because she loves him. We do try to take the case to the final outcome regardless but we know that in real life it makes no difference whatsoever. We are like "See you again in a couple months time" Worst thing is, some part of me do hope that we see her again because its better than getting a file with her as the victim, only this time, she can't give a statement because she is dead and it is a murder case.

PS - An average of 2 children a week is murdered or so severely injured by their own parents. Your child could be next.

 

[Princess81]

^^^^^^ I second what stunned said. It really only gets worse. Sadly, someone has to be seriously injured or worse for a lot of agencies to sit up and take notice.

 

[clairebear22]

Hi Kelly.

My Mum suffered for years at the hands of an abusive partner. She left mine and my Brother's Dad to be with the scumbag (he's not a man in my eyes) and went on to have my Sister and Brother with him. He was extremely controlling and wouldn't let my Dad come and see me or my Brother. He was also very clever because he never actually hit my Mum, he used to throw things at her (saucepans etc). He was also carefull not to mark her face.

Anyway this went on for about 4 years. I was around 7 years old so I knew what was happening. Me and my Brother were petrified of him because whenever our younger Brother or Sister cried (his kids) he automatically thought we'd done something to them and scream and shout at us.

My Mum left him twice and went back both times.

She finally left when he laid his hands on my Brother her exact words were "Do what you like to me, But don't EVER touch my children". We left after that.

We spent almost 2 years living in a women's refuge before we were rehoused.

My Mum eventually met and married the Husband she is with now and she's very happy. I never saw my Dad again and he died 2 years ago.

Living with that monster has made me a very strong woman when it comes to domestic violence. I witnessed some very distressing scenes whilst living in the refuge. I know 1000% my fantastic OH would never ever lay a finger on me but he knows 1000% that if he even so much as raises a finger to me I would leave him like a shot and never look back.

I completly understand where your coming from Kelly - You love this man and are convinced he will change one day but he never will. Nobody can tell you to leave, you have to hit rock bottom before you get the courage to leave him but once you go you will be so much happier and you will have your children back and be the Mother that you probably thought you would be whilst pregnant!

I hope you find the courage soon Hun

Big Hugs!

xxx

 

[serenitylove]

its a very emotive subject ! i lived for 6yrs with a violent man and untill the love goes it can be so hard to leave it wasnt untill a social worker gave me the choice of him or my dd i did something ring the domestic violence helpline they can get you into a refuge very quickly and thn you can take a deep breath and make some choices if you go back to him which is your choice just accept your going to loose your children i think unless you have lived the life it so easy to say just leave when your embrolled in it all it not that easy

 

[Bead]

Kellyjayy,
Please be strong. Do you really love him, or do you need him for financial support?
If you need him financially, that's never a reason to stay together, irrespective of him putting the life of your unborn child in danger!
If you really do love him, then first he needs to get professional help and counselling. If you keep taking him back, he will never bother to get that help. Also, you won't be able to give him this help yourself, no matter how much you want to.
So you really must get yourself away from this person (I can't call him a 'man' because he doesn't act like one!) and away from his family.
Be cruel to be kind. Get away, and press charges, so that he can get the professional help that he needs.

 

[isobel84]

1. he will do it again (been there)
2. your baby will be affected, if not physically harmed, mentally it will harm your baby when daddy beat mummy
3. if the enviroment is a risk for your baby, he/she might be taken from you.

do not let him win. you and baby deserve better. they never change.

 

[tinkerbell86]

Hi,

I work for a criminal solicitors and something similar happened to my friend but she wasn't pregnant her husband did it in front of her 13 and 10 year old kids!!

If he's on bail he's probably not meant to contact you and if he does i suggest you keep a log and report to the police when he has!! Also he will probably contact you nearer to the trial date (like her husband did) and i would advise you to go to court and tell your story so he cannot do it to anyone else!! Esp as you have baby to think about too!!

Also he won't change and my friend is a completely different person now they are apart!!

I wish you all the luck with everything you do and hope all is well with your baby!! x

 

[cherelle]

i have been in an abusive relarionship before and i know how hard it can be and how guilty they can make you feel hun, at the end of the day the only person who can truly protect you and your baby is yourself!!! Take steps to get help .... there is so much help available out there. Men like this dont change but if you take steps to improve your life and change your situation then happiness is just around the corner.

Be brave and dont get sucked in! x

 

[Sera-tonin]

I agree with what the women above are saying. You need to stay away from this man. He is no good for you, and he will not change. It will only get worse. He is manipulating you for his own welfare.

What about your welfare? and the welfare of your unborn baby?
He was not thinking about you or your baby when he was beating you. This time you were lucky, but next time you might not be so lucky. If you stay in this relationship this is a cycle that will continue to go round and round.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago, and eventually had to call the police as it was too much for me to handle. I blamed myself and thought that I deserved it etc.. until I got help through the courts.

I did have to testify on the stand (and can honestly say that it was a very difficult time for me) However it was only through being strong and standing up to my abuser that I was able to start healing and become a strong woman. I now it is difficult, but in the long run try to think about the message you are sending to your unborn child.

Codependency is something that you can fix.

Good luck with everything and remember that you are not alone and you do not have to go through this alone.