Are you thinking of having your mother as a second birthing partner?

[Karate Kid]

Hey Ladies,

Just wondering if anyone was thinking of having there mothers in the delivery suite as a second birthing partner?

I have a feeling that my mum wants to be my second birthing partner…. She has not said anything directly but keeps dropping hints. I love my mum to bits but we have a very challenging relationship. She has not been around for most of my pregnancy, she has been miles away in Sri Lanka at a time that I really need her. We talk at least once a week but it’s not the same as seeing her when I am feeling rubbish.

Some of you know that I was adopted at birth and that my parents could not conceive…. Unfortunately my mum had 4 miscarriages and had to give birth a stillborn 14 weeks into pregnancy. She has not dealt with these emotions and I think this is why she is avoiding me at the moment.

I genuinely understand that this must be a really worrying time for her because she cares about me and does not want me to go through the same trauma. The thing is there is only one person who has ever been reliable and that is my husband, he is the only one I want present (apart from medical staff)…. I am worried that my mum will just bail on me or panic if there are any complications which will just add to any stress….. I just don’t know how to let her down gently....

Sorry for the essay I just would like to know your thoughts??

xx

 

[winnie89]

my mum told me straight, she doesn't want to be in with me, she's not being horrible she just doesn't want to see me that way, my husbands mum on the other hand told me she wanted to be in there, and i told her no. i only want my husband as my only birth partner, i know how hard it can be going through miscarriage and then seeing the people closest to you getting pregnant and having the family you couldn't, but she'll be there for you in her own way hun, and if she doesn't want to, then that's her perogative Hun hope everything works out for you xx

 

[Belle23]

I am having my mum, but we are RIDICULOUSLY close as its only ever been me and my mum (obviously until I met my husband). My husband is happy to have her there as she is brilliant when it comes to keeping me calm. Plus I'm very scared and my mum makes me feel easier about the whole thing xxx

 

[frankie247]

Tbh i only want my husband with me. Don't want to see anyone during labour as it feels a very personal and private thing. I think if there was a reason my husband couldn't be with me (which is extremely unlikely) then I'd have my mom present.

 

[Happyred]

I couldnt have my mum there, although we get on well, we just arent close in that way and i would feel awkward. Could you tell a wee white lie and say that they really prefer you have only one birthing partner and your husband needs to take priority. Maybe suggest to her that she be the first person to visit you and baby instead?

 

[TaffyRose]

I'm only having my OH with me during the labour and delivery. I love my mum to bits and am very close to my big sister but would never consider asking them as I think it's a personal time and when the baby's born I want that special time with just my OH xxx

 

[Karate Kid]

I couldnt have my mum there, although we get on well, we just arent close in that way and i would feel awkward. Could you tell a wee white lie and say that they really prefer you have only one birthing partner and your husband needs to take priority. Maybe suggest to her that she be the first person to visit you and baby instead?

That's a brilliant idea, I hadn't thought about that, thank you very much!! x

 

[EmmaN27]

I am also just having OH there, I'm very close to my Mum and Sister but feel like this is something that me and OH should do alone. x

 

[Jayjay027]

I am incredibly close to my mum, I couldn't go a day without speaking to her. She's my best friend and I can't imagine my life without her.

HOWEVER, I couldn't have her in the delivery suite with me. The only reason I'd have her there would be if hubby couldn't make it. I don't even want anyone in the waiting room.
My best friend was insisting she'd be in the waiting room for my labour and I was really annoyed. I kept telling her no and she was like 'I don't care, I'm going to go down anyway' so I just said 'that's fine I just won't tell u I'm in labour, I'll contact u after the baby is born' and she was annoyed at me about it!

But we don't need people hangin around when we're going through that. X

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[deedee84]

I'm having mum with me this time as well as OH, i just feel that if i get too irrational that she will calm me down more than OH as shes been through it 3 times her self!
I had dad with me while having DD (i didnt want to ask mum at that time as she had not long since miscarried and i though it would be hard for her) One thing that did miff me off while in labor with DD was the fact that OH's mum and sister came and waited in the waiting room, it was bad enough knowing they were waiting there, it was even worse when i had just given birth absolutely shattered and they walked in to have a look at LO (even dad had left me and OH at that point for a short while) hoping that doesnt happen this time!

xx

 

[Mummy0410]

My mum has been at my 2 daughters previous births and recorded them both so I've got the birth videos as a keepsake. She's coming in again this time to do the same with her 3rd granddaughter. Me and my mum are VERY close, she is like a big sister to me as there is such a small age difference between us. I don't think I could do it without my mum being there to support me xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

I can't think of anything worse than having a video camera filming me giving birth lol x

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[Happyred]

Lol, no bother. Hope everything works out. Just make sure you do what is best for you and hubby, cause its your special time. Good luck. X

 

[tinkerbell86]

Well I didn't want anyone there except oh but due to unforeseen circumstances it ended up being her who drove us to the hospital and we asked her to stay when she was going to leave! I'm glad we did as I had to go to theatre after having lo and she stayed with my oh and kept him company with lo whih I think made it alot easier for him. She went and grabbed him some food and drink while he watched lo and helped him change lo's first nappy. She has always been so grateful
For us letting her share that moment although not how it had been planned.

Try and keep your options open as its not how I planned it but I wouldnt have had it any other way!

 

[BellaRiven]

I am incredibly close to my mum, I couldn't go a day without speaking to her. She's my best friend and I can't imagine my life without her.

HOWEVER, I couldn't have her in the delivery suite with me. The only reason I'd have her there would be if hubby couldn't make it. I don't even want anyone in the waiting room.

I am exactly the same with my mum, omg if she was in there I would probably be done for murder, she is very opinionated and has her own views, I have told her parts of what I want for the birth i.e water birth use of Hynobirthing and she has just scoffed at it already.

Also my OH doesn;t get on with her so well he tolerates her and her opinions but will leave the room if she gets too much lol.

So I will just be having hubby and I am more than content with that

 

[Daydreaming]

I have thought about it. Mum and I are very close and she and Hubby get on great!

But I just think it is mine and his time, we are starting our own little family.
Mum will prob be in the waiting room though

 

[coco_cukoo]

Yes, I'm having my OH and mum there. Think OH's mum is a bit jealous of the fact...but I reeeally wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all. Besides which, my mum is a nurse so will be good at reassuring me & can always make me laugh! OH and Mum will be a good team I think... xx

 

[coruscating17]

Personally I've always just wanted it as me and OH and have never even considered having anyone else in there. I'm very close to my mum and want her around after the birth, but during the birth I think it's just mine and OH's time. Each to their own though! I think if you know you don't want her in there you need to make sure you get your wishes...it's your birth and your special time x

 

[TORino]

Hell no.

My mum would stress me out big time so she's not coming. She's a bit put out by it but that's tough.

I am doing natal hypnotherapy and it mentions that you should remain as calm and relaxed as possible and avoid feeling observed. This basically means being left alone and not getting wound up. My mum would not fit into those conditions. Lol

 

[BellaRiven]

Hell no.

My mum would stress me out big time so she's not coming. She's a bit put out by it but that's tough.

I am doing natal hypnotherapy and it mentions that you should remain as calm and relaxed as possible and avoid feeling observed. This basically means being left alone and not getting wound up. My mum would not fit into those conditions. Lol

That is completely what I wanted to say but I was being nice lol