Hello, brave lady
I say this because, i have been through exactly the same thing in August 2011 and i know how brave you will be to get through this. It was my first preganany and like you I was soooo excited for my 20 week scan. We had been told that everything looked fine on the 12 week scan. At my 20 week scan we where told that there where problems with our baby, with the brain and that there wasnt much fluid around the baby (that part turned out to be wrong) but when we went for the scan with the consultant he seemed to go on and on telling us what as wrong with our little girl. It was heart breaking and words cant explain how you feel given that news. our world fell apart.
I delivered our beautiful girl on Saturday 13th August 2011 and she looked just perfect from the outside, small but perfectly formed, so when you say that you will never know your baby, that isnt true as you have carried your baby for 20 weeks and you will get to meet him or her. cherish that time you have to spend with your baby and know in your heart that even though their soul will be gone that what you did, or where made to do, you did for the right reasons. No mother would want their child to be born to suffer and your life would be filled with suffering too knowing that your child would suffer if it made it into the world alive.
God, im crying here writing this as it brings it all back, but i want to offer my words of support. Im sure that you feel you are the only one who is going through this and that you will never come out the other side or get over it, I felt exactly the same, but please know that things do get easier, you just have to remember that you are doing the right thing for your unborn baby. I still have days where i get upset and cry about my baby girl, initially i couldnt function for weeks, it was as if i existed in a bubble but over time with good friends and family and a fantastic boyfriend i managed to get myself out of the dark hole. I dont know if the father is involved but if he is, remember that it is a loss to him too, I know that we not only have the emotional to deal with but the physical too but try not to push anyone away, least not your partner, The baby was part of him too.
The hospital was fantastic with us and we had a cremtion service for our daughter, thankfully we got her ashes back and i have a little cabinet which is like shrine to her fille with lovely momeno's and things, I have a lovely box enscribed with her name and DOB fill with her blanket that we wrapped her in and all the cards and well wishes we got from people, I have her picture in a frame in my living room and I had her footprint tattoo'd onto my wrist, I have the Left foot and my partner has the right foot on his wrist. Do whatever you need to to validate that your baby was alive and shouldnt ever be forgotten, and take pride in the fact that you carried your baby for 20 weeks against all the odds!!! he or she was a little fighter but it was a fight that they could never win.
as iv said, no one can take the pain away but now that you are not alone. I am here if ever you need to talk and my heart truely goes out to you
All my love and hugs to you at this horrible time
AngelD xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just noticed that there where 4 pages of replies, i only got to the 1st page before i felt compelled to post a reply. Bless little Angel Brody and i hope you are doing ok, very raw still i know but the offer is still there, im here if you need to talk. I hope my story gives you some comfort xxxxx
but thank you for being brave enough to let the doctors use your angel to help others with research xx
and at night brody and the other babies that didnt get the chance to make it to the world are the brightest stars we can find xx
