A bit of bitching made my day, ha!

[berit87]

Ha, us women are so mean. But then again, there are people who deserve it.

Me and my ex split up in January and I only found out in March that I'm pregnant. By that time my ex had already managed to move to the other side of the UK and that news definitely didn't make him want to come back. He said he wants nothing to do with it and doesn't want his name on baby's birth certificate becuase in that case he would have to start paying money
Anyway. Haven't talked to my ex for weeks and weeks now. He used to call me quite frequently but now I've text him twice and no reply.
So then his father text me just asking how I was doing etc. And I said yes, all good, has James told you the news?
And then I didn't get a text for ages. Apparently he called his son straight away to ask "WHAT NEWS?" Turned out my ex still hadn't told him that he's going to be a father. Although he was out with his own father last weekend. When was he planning to tell? Did he think I conveniently disappear so he'd never have to tell?!
Anyway, I MADE him talk without saying a word myself, haha. He so deserved it. Bet he was embarrassed.
I just had to share a bit of bitching with you girls! xxx

 

[HideiLu]

Haha!! Nice one!! I think some guys do think that, that if they just don't talk about it, it won't be real Bet his Dad had a few things to say to him!

 

[berit87]

Haha,thanks!
Don't know ho wthey can be so stupid! "Hmm, I'll ignore it, maybe it'll go away"
The interesting thing is, I am going to meet up with his dad today. Don't know what he has got to say but I guess he is worried..

 

[Sherlock]

I thought it didn't matter if the man was on the birth cert or not, you can still claim maintenance for them. Putting them on the birth cert just gives them certain legal rights where the child is concerned whereas they have to apply to be added to gain these rights later on.

http://www.rbkc.gov.uk/BirthsDeathsAndM ... efault.asp

You should look into it all. There have been discussions in other sections of the forum about fathers rights once on a birth certificate and also when not on it and paying maintenance.

This PDF explains it if the childs father disputes parentage what course of action is taken etc. Pg 32-33 on the PDF

http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/PDF/leaflets/new/CSL301.pdf

FWIW I think its important to remain civil where possible (except in obvious exceptional circumstances), even with an ex and even if hard work. I like to think positive and that even if your ex is a louse, his father might be decent and you'd like to keep him informed and so on. Of course, it might be he feels as his son does, but until you know...

 

[spink]

He should definately pay maintenance whether hes on the certificate or not,you should contact the csa when the baby is born.If its any consolation my ex's parents still dont know we have a 3 year old together as we split before he was born.would love to tell them myself but dont have any way to contact them as i never met them!

 

[berit87]

Thanks Sherlock, always there with good advice. I wouldn't cut him out of our lives, he he was interested and wanted to take part, I'd be more than happy. But I am not going to be begging either!
But I'll see what happens!

 

[Laur_250]

God some men are such losers, how can he expect to carry on his life anywhere in the world knowing he has a child somewhere! You are better off without him and will do a great job on your own anyway, maybe his dad will talk some sense into him. xx

 

[berit87]

Exactly. Don't know what the hell is going on in their heads but.
Well, I'm meeting up with his dad today, see what he's got to say, if he's going to be like his son then I've just lost 2 losers - I win! x

 

[dannii87]

sAww hun, I really, really do feel you 100%

My situation is VERY similar... My ex was promised 5k and a life in Greece to leave me and my bubs by his parents He went to Greece, but has since come back to re-start his life. As far as I know, his family have kept the pregnancy hush hush and hardly any of his family actually know about it. They don't know the sex or anything.

As far as I'm concerned, he won't be on the birth certificate and he won't be seeing Evie - She can make that decision when she's ready to find him, I'll help her... But the "sperm donor" can f*ck off if he ever changes his mind!

And, I'm going to rinse him for maintanance if I can

I hope you are ok? PM me if you ever need a chat

xx

 

[dannii87]

I thought it didn't matter if the man was on the birth cert or not, you can still claim maintenance for them. Putting them on the birth cert just gives them certain legal rights where the child is concerned whereas they have to apply to be added to gain these rights later on.

http://www.rbkc.gov.uk/BirthsDeathsAndM ... efault.asp

You should look into it all. There have been discussions in other sections of the forum about fathers rights once on a birth certificate and also when not on it and paying maintenance....

Yeah Sherlock's right. I've read through every link she's provided (lol took me forever!) and I am so clear now on what I need to do.

I would honestly suggest NOT puttng him on the birth certificate... You can always add him at a later date if you feel ok doing that. Once he's on the birth certificate he automatically has parental rights...

Good luck meeting his dad today! Hope you get some clarity and support from him xx

 

[HideiLu]

Exactly. Don't know what the hell is going on in their heads but.
Well, I'm meeting up with his dad today, see what he's got to say, if he's going to be like his son then I've just lost 2 losers - I win! x

Hehe, good attitude hun!!

I'm only in Hove Actually so just down the road from you!

Hope it goes well for you. Let us know how you get on xx

 

[berit87]

Exactly. Don't know what the hell is going on in their heads but.
Well, I'm meeting up with his dad today, see what he's got to say, if he's going to be like his son then I've just lost 2 losers - I win! x

Hehe, good attitude hun!!

I'm only in Hove Actually so just down the road from you!

Hope it goes well for you. Let us know how you get on xx

Well I'm in Hove Actually as well, just off 7 Dials. So can't be that far!

I iwll let you know, he will pick me up at 1 so not long to go! xx

 

[HideiLu]

Blimey! You are just down the road! I'm on The Drive near the train station!

I used to live along that way, on Davigdor Road which is where my docs and MW are! x

 

[berit87]

Blimey! You are just down the road! I'm on The Drive near the train station!

I used to live along that way, on Davigdor Road which is where my docs and MW are! x

Haha, I live on Davigdor Road! Charter Medical Centre? x

Just got back. Drove around with his dad. He's shocked. But he was being really nice. He said it's my life and I should do what i feel is right. And he promised to talk to my ex so he would talk to me and sort things out. Also he said he could sort out a place for me and my baby to live etc. And the he said "You made me a granddad, bitch" Haha, he was joking, of course.
But he said he thinks we're too young and James (my ex) isn't ready etc. So he was being understanding and ok about it but it's not gonna get me anywhere x

 

[HideiLu]

Blimey! You are just down the road! I'm on The Drive near the train station!

I used to live along that way, on Davigdor Road which is where my docs and MW are! x

Haha, I live on Davigdor Road! Charter Medical Centre? x

Just got back. Drove around with his dad. He's shocked. But he was being really nice. He said it's my life and I should do what i feel is right. And he promised to talk to my ex so he would talk to me and sort things out. Also he said he could sort out a place for me and my baby to live etc. And the he said "You made me a granddad, bitch" Haha, he was joking, of course.
But he said he thinks we're too young and James (my ex) isn't ready etc. So he was being understanding and ok about it but it's not gonna get me anywhere x

Oh gosh yes! Charter! Small world!!

Aww glad his Dad was ok with you and understanding.

 

[berit87]

Ha, yes, well I live in the house right next to the Charter!

His dad did mention that I've still got time for abortion but I quickly changed the subject and told him that would never ever happen. And he didn't touch that subject again.

 

[HideiLu]

Ha, yes, well I live in the house right next to the Charter!

His dad did mention that I've still got time for abortion but I quickly changed the subject and told him that would never ever happen. And he didn't touch that subject again.

Good girl!! Wash that idea straight out his head! x

 

[dannii87]

I'm glad he seemed ok about it and everything, but I can't help feeling a bit annoyed for you after a few things...

It's great that he's offered you a home and said he'll try to talk to your ex etc, but is that what you want? Deep down? What if things turn nasty and he takes the house away from you? You and bubs will be homeless

I just can't help thinking that something a bit "off" is going on. Maybe it's my "I hate men" attitude rearing it's ugly head lol

Hope you feel better now! xx

 

[Sherlock]

It's great that he's offered you a home and said he'll try to talk to your ex etc, but is that what you want? Deep down? What if things turn nasty and he takes the house away from you? You and bubs will be homeless

He may be offering to help find somewhere, not actually provide the accomadation itself. It might be nothing to do with him being the landlord or anything so outside of his control over what happens.

Just a thought is all.

 

[Steelgoddess]

He sounds like such a meany.

Good hope his Dad tells him off!!

x