OMG this is long. But please read :(

[kabey]

Where do I start?!

I haven't been on here for ages because I moved in with my ex-fiance during my first tri and we didn't have the internet.

We had been TTC and I got pregnant within a month, but I soon found out that he'd been lying to me and only saying he wanted a baby to make me happy, when in actual fact he couldn't think of anything worse. So it was hard, but I just learnt to try not to talk about the baby around him and NEVER to ask him to buy things for little one. I'm 18 and he has just turned 20.

Then just before Valentine's Day he walked out on me. I haven't seen him since then, and I found out from other people that he'd broken up with me. Then he text me (hasn't spoken to me once, not even on the phone), basically saying "I'm not coming back, and I'm cancelling all the bills so u find some other fucker to move in and pay the bills or move out." He knows I have no money and I've never done anything to hurt the guy, so I was distraught. I text back saying "But I'll have no electricity, water, heating, gas, food...or anything. And this concerns me as I'm pregnant." He ACTUALLY text me back saying "Don't use pregnancy as an excuse, you know how I feel about that baby."

Obviously I had to move out and went back to my parent's - 2 very vindictive people who ruined my own childhood and have made it clear that I'm only allowed back because I have their grandchild in my belly. I have to do loads of chores for them everyday because I can't pay rent, while my brother sits on his arse and is allowed to tell me to "fuck off" and call me a "tart" whereas I'd be thrown out if I spoke to him like that. I'm not allowed out at night, either, which is very frustrating as I have a car and I need to be out and about so I can get over my ex.

Since breaking up, I've been nothing but civil to my cowardly, ******* of an ex, but he has treated me like shit. I can't believe how much he has changed, and how he can treat me like he has done - pregnant or not.

For eg he posted a letter at my mum's house that I had to sign and send to the estate agent's, basically saying that he'd moved out of the house we once shared and had no liability for it, or any costs involved. So I signed in, even though it really upset me. Then the next time I went to this house, to get my things, he had gone in through a window with his mates (I saw a footprint on the windowsill) and used my things as ashtrays (I HATE smoking), left ash and fag ends everywhere, and beer bottles and food wrappers. He'd also taken the things I got him for Valentine's Day, yet I never received a thanks. He took my perfume too and my digital camera has gone missing.

He owes me and mum hundreds of pounds but won't pay up, so my mum is making me empty the account I set up for the baby (which is nowhere near enough). AND when my Job seeker's allowance is set up I have to pay rent anyway, yet still do chores. My ex hasn't given me a penny towards the baby so far, yet while I can't even afford jogging bottoms, he has bought himself a new car!!!!

I feel so depressed right now and I just don't know what to do. I feel so stupid and I hate him with a passion, yet I'll NEVER be able to get away from him because of the baby. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to meet my baby and even now it's the best thing I've ever had, but I'm terrified. He refuses to come to the next scan or the birth. How did my life end up like this? I'm 15 weeks pregnant today.

Sorry about the swearing xxx

 

[Moofa]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Will you be able to claim child maintance once LO is born?

Mx

 

[debecca]

Oh my goodness hun - no wonder you're so down at the moment

I think you need to get OUT of your parents' house as SOON as possible - they are making things worse for you than they need to be. I'm no expert on council housing and so on but I'm sure there'll be someone on here who can advise you - but I would think with a case like yours you probably would be a priority case?

Whereabouts in the country are you?

In the meantime come on here whenever you need support or to vent and someone is always around to help you or give you

Best wishes to you and your baby - your OH sounds like a d*ck, excuse my French.

 

[maldives]

Hi hun,
Plz don't bother about him any more or even think of him . he doesn't deserve u or the baby..
u r still young and u'll find someone else. im sure
at the mean time plz plz plz try and relax and calm down as its best for u and ur baby now. also try and fix ur relationship with ur parents as im sure they'll be nicer to u once the baby is here and remember sooner or later u'll be out from here some where with some one who really loves u.
as for the money i know u can make a fortune out of the net such as forex. u can try the demo first then u can invest a small amount of money and save something for ur baby for the time being.
ur not alone honey we r here with u and remember u have some1 in ur belly who cares about u already and is always with u

 

[lfc_sarah]

Aw your ex sounds horrible
The advice given already may help, im not sure what else you could do

Have you tried talking to him properly?

Hope it works out for u xxxx

 

[dannii87]

Here's a possible plan of action for you;

- Firstly, forget whatshisface (d*ck) don't give him the satisfaction that he's affecting you. Don't text him or call him (as hard as I know that is)

- Get yourself down the police station, you signed the letter stating he had moved out and therefore he has invited himself onto property that he is no longer in connection with and therefore has broken in.

- Go down Citizens Advice, see what benefits you're entitled to.

- Speak to your council about a house and try to get immediate housing due to the standards you are surrounded by at the moment.

All I can say is that although my situation was never this bad, my view has changed hugely and now I refuse to let that man (my sperm donor) EVER to treat my child with the instability he gave to me when he left.

You have one responsibility in all this, you and baby. That's ALL you can do. The rest you'll have to leave to other people (ie that w*nker's attitude, housing to the council, benefits and info to Citizens Advice etc).

Poor you hun, you do not deserve this. This WILL make you stronger I can almost guarantee that. It's a bugger having to put up with it and the chances are it'll carry on for a little bit, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel - get the ball rolling hun and let us know of any updates

xxx

 

[dannii87]

Oh and I'm prett sure you are entitled to the Sure Start Maternity Grant which is £500 from the government to buy baby things. You can apply 11 weeks before you're due I think.. (Don't quote me on that though!)

Most importantly, please don't suffer in silence, he is making your life a misery and I'm sure there is something that can be done like a restraining order against him or something?

xxx

 

[Penstraze]

Im sorry to hear all you have been through! I think you need to take a trip to citizens advice explain the situation find out what help you can get but im sure you should be able to apply for a council house you may need to stay in a b&b for awhile or what a old school friend had to do was have a letter from her parents saying it would not be possible for her to stay with them once the baby was born and she would then become homeless which made her a priority case for a council place. I hope you get things sorted and are able to move out of your parents very soon

 

[freepie]

hiya,


i agree with sentiments above - get your self to your local Connexions, they help young people like you get sorted, my mum is a connexions advisor, they can help you sort out benefits & get council house sorted... if things are really bad they can put you in a hotel all paid for straight away...

ring 118 188 and find your nearest, make an appointment asap....

 

[bowmanzoo]

Hi hun

Loads have people have given you the advice that I would have given. You're entitled to a house from the council however they might ask for a letter from your parents saying that you can't live there with them. If this happens and you can't get a letter from them then I would suggest speaking to social services and telling them how abuseive your family were to you when you were a child and how abusive they're being now and then they might be able to write a supportive letter to the council to help you get housed or put you in a mum and baby unit.

Finances........

You're entitled to JSA until later on in pregnancy and then you'll reach a stage where you won't be able to claim JSA but you'll then be entitled to claim income support until the baby is 3 years old. Once the baby is born you'll also be entitled to child benefit and child tax credits. You can also claim for social grants if you get a council property to help pay for funiture, carpets, clothes ect. When you have your own place you're entitled to claim for housing benefit and council tax benefit. Don't forget to claim for 500 pound maternity payment which you're entitled to later in the pregnancy.

Like you i've had a poor abusive childhood and I refuse to put up with any form of abuse anymore and you need to do the same. Stop being victim to these people. Have you got any close friends or relatives you can stay with???

 

[Suzie and Faith]

There are lots of people and organisations out there to help you.
I'd do to your local coucil, set up a meeting and explain your situation completely. They should be able to help you get yourself somewhere to live, even if they put you up in a b&b for a few months to help sort it out.

I know things can seem impossible and hard, but there are people to help and things that can be done. Forget your nasty ex.

We're all here and wie'll help however we can xx

 

[millylillyrose]

what a jerk! i feel for you hun, but im sure things will get better! Just hang in there.....keep in touch here, its a lot of support!

and hey, we have the same Due Date

 

[jue]

Womens Aid is another source of help for you. I have said it before, domestic violence comes from different sources and does not only entail physical violence.

Google Womens Aid and there will be a 24hr number for you to ring they can give you advice and shelter, and from there help you find council housing.

Wishing you good luck x

 

[xJodieLoux]

Hun, you really don't need him in your life. You say you can't get away from him because of the baby, well if he doesnt want anything to do with the baby then don't force him. Just block him out of your life. You and your LO will be just fine together without him.

 

[Sydneysmum]

This will make you stronger and I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. I think you've had some really good advice here so take a deep breath and take some steps towards making a family home for you and your baby. I speak from experience - my husband left in similar circumstances when I was pregnant first time around. Thankfully I had a good job with an understanding employer but I got into debt and nearly lost my home. My ex even wanted to take the sofa, the bed and the cooker!

I've since managed to re-establish a good relationship with him but he regrets his actions and I made it clear there was no way back. Your ex will reach this point one day and although life may be tough at the moment at least you and the baby have each other - he has neither of you and when he grows up he will deeply regret this.

I met a wonderful man a few years ago and now I'm pregnant with his child - something I would not have thought possible a while ago. Life will turn around, trust me.

In the meantime

Take care of your self and your little one.

 

[fuffins1981]

Sorry you have been having such a bad time.

All the help I would have mentioned is in the responses.

I was left single at 3 months with my son. Luckily I lived with my mom who was nice. She wrote a letter to say I had to move out. I asked her to, as her home was small with lots of people in it.

I had been on the housing list from before I was pregnant and managed to get somewhere when he was 6 months old. So, I would say to you, kick up as much of a fuss with the council as you can now, so they will get you a place asap.

You are on JSA, so rent and council tax will be paid. You can then apply to the social fund and emergency grant to get interest free cash to help you get set up. When you are 29 weeks, you can pply for your £500 sure start grant. As soon as bubs is born you can switch to income support and get the child benefitand child tax credits. Plus, they will give you £250 I think to put in an investment account for bubs.

This country is not great. But we are lucky to have a system which tries very hard to help.

Good luck

 

[lfc_sarah]

This country is not great. But we are lucky to have a system which tries very hard to help.

Its just a shame that people who dont need it go and get it....

Makes it hard for people who genuinly need help

 

[Rcahel***]

My heart really goes out to you, your ex sounds like a right B*****d
and your better off without him.
I too have had a really bad background and now no longer have anything to do with my Family.
This may sound daunting cause it did to me when I was in a simular situation, but if you go to the council and they can't help you straight away, they will proberly ask you to consider going in a refuged.. these place are'nt as bad as people think their are alot of people their who have been in simular situations to you, who you can talk to. Their are also course's you can do to build up your confiedence, cause its sound like you don't have alot at the mo.
I really hope you get the help you need, the first step is to get away from your family, as it is very wrong of them to expect you to pay for your ex's debt..
Thinking of you and your Baby Sweetheart, make a fresh start.. Thinking of you. Rachel.xx
P.S. My eldest is now 15, 12 and 6 and I am now with a new partner, so don't ever think you'll be on your own forever.. cause their are men out their who will love you for you, baby or not. x