24, pregnant and confused

[Miss_Marie]

Me and my boyfriend are both 24 and have been together 8 years this December. I have PCOS(Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) We've not used any contraception for around 6 years. My Sister has PCOS and a healthy weight and she had to have meds etc to conceive. I was told my chances are very very slim. (My own fault but still) I've recently lost 3 stone and I think I'm around 4-8 weeks pregnant. 2 tests, both positive. I suffer depression and anxiety but I'm slowly recovering, especially since the weight loss. I feel better about myself. Now I'm pregnant and what do I do? I always always said IF I got pregnant it'd be a miracle child and I'd never have a termination. The last few months, I've been able to go back to job seeking and had a trial at an admin job, it's looking pretty good for me. My boyfriend has trained for his SIA licence and will be getting a good paid job. He hasn't said anything. I asked him his reaction, thoughts, feelings and he said I really don't know, maybe it needs to sink in. We'd have to move home as we live with his grandparents (5 bedrooms, we have seperate living rooms etc) but we couldn't stay here. I can no longer take my pain meds (until I discuss this with my GP/Doctor tomorrow) and I also have anxiety meds which are strictly forbidden. I had a panic attack on the way for my job trial, worst it's been in months! Then another when I found out we're expecting. I'm very very anxious at present and can't cope with all of this. I always knew it'd be selfish to keep a child but then again elfish to terminate. Without wanting to sound selfish and harsh, I'm literally JUST getting better after 10 years (5 really REALLY bad) of depression and health anxiety. I've lost weight, feel better and look better. I should have thought of this but the strange thing? I was waiting for my period so I could get the implant again!! My GP said it's the most accurate way of knowing you're NOT pregnant and of course if you ARE and have the implant, it can harm you and your unborn child so yeah, how stupid am I?! I know it's my own fault and responsibility so why am I whinging about it?! I really have no clue what's going on and if I have a termination, it'll affect my health and mental health, I just know it will but I also now I CANNOT cope with a child. My Sister said everyone' like that but literally they drive me nuts. I have 16 nieces and nephews and it's very nice to hand them back after the day! I'm lost

 

[Sprk]

And....breathe. Try and relax. Firstly, terminations aren't allowed to be discussed on this forum. Secondly, try and keep yourself calm. Talk to your gp about all your meds. I'm sure he/she can help you find something for you to take for your pain and anxiety. I'm sorry to hear you are in such a tight situation at the moment. I would gve your boyfriend some time for things to sink in (he might even be wondering what you think about things), but remember....he helped make this baby too. So he's gonna have to live up to it sooner or later. I hope all goes well at the gp tomorrow. I'm sure others will post here with better advice than me, but I didn't want to read and run. You aren't alone and can find a lot of support here. Best wishes xxxx

 

[Baby2sky]

Please don't discuss terminations on here.

 

[MrsGriff]

Take some time to let the news sink in and then discuss your options with your boyfriend and your GP.
If you have been told that your chances of getting pregnant are very slim then you have to realistically think that this may be your only chance to have a child. How important is that to you?
Do you have friends and family that would be able to help you out with the baby until you could cope better? have you also considered adoption?
Take time to breathe and consider carefully and don't make any rushed decisions.

 

[Miss_Marie]

I'm really sorry, I was in such a state I didn't read the rules etc properly, I won't discuss a termination at all, please don't be offended x

 

[Sprk]

Good luck today with the gp, I hope it all goes well. Let us know how you get on.

 

[Juice]

I strongly dislike other people's children most of the time. My own though, she is the most amazing little thing in the world! I know it's a cliché but it really is true that it's different with your own baby.

Like others have said. This may be the only chance you ever get to have a baby.

A lot of people think that having a baby means that your life is pretty much "over". But this isn't true. You can still work, train, take medication... It just means that it's all put on hold for a while. But you're still young. A few years isn't going to make much difference to going back to work etc.

However, I say all this with no experience of anxiety problems and depression so I'm pretty sure that all that I have said is not as easy for you as it would be for someone without your problems and even then it's still pretty hard!

I wish I could help you more.

Good luck xxx

 

[Melily24]

Hi. How did it go at the Dr? xxx

 

[Miss_Marie]

Thank you everyone, so nice to not fell alone in all of this. First off she said the weight loss is more than likely how I got pregnant. She hasn't got a definitive answer of how likely it is that I'll conceive naturally again. She's made us an appointment at a pregnancy clinic. She said they discuss ''all'' options and go through the pros and cons etc but they don't expect any kind of decision. It's just a chat to see how we both feel etc. GP said I'll need to drink a pint of water (Eugh, had it before for a scan on my tummy) and they'll more than likely scan me. She thinks I'm around 6 weeks pregnant. My fella said just let it all sink in first. GP agreed and said he's a keeper as not the one panicking, I AM! She said try and reduce the smoking and if possible quit. She was quite bluntly honest and said although it affects weight and premature birth, there aren't any MAJOR studies of anything else but she does advise giving up (I would have clearly done it BEFORE getting pregnant if I'd have known) I'm going through withdrawals from morphine and tramadol have been helping me gradually reduce that but I haven't since yesterday for obvious reasons. She said 2 a day will be fine for now but later in pregnancy the baby WILL get withdrawals so just wean yourself down slowly early on. She's told me she's confident that I shouldn't worry I've already harmed my baby but if I continue to smoke, take meds then I will but like I said, as long as I get off them early on, it'll be fine. My Sister has told me to write pros/cons and think about how it will change our lives etc. The thing is, I cannot think of any pros! My fella dislikes children as they're bought up a way that wouldn't be ours, he said it'll be different when it's our own and I must agree, I think it'll be different too. But I'm still not ready for this, at all. There is never a right time for a baby, even if it's planned in my opinion. Just so scared, nervous, upset. I don't feel excited. Am I a bad person? I feel awful and selfish as it's our fault, not this little baby

 

[Sprk]

Take it one day at a time hun. It's still all sinking in. Carry around your pros and cons list, so you can add to it as things come to mind. Give it some time, talk to the people at the clinc and your family. Let them give you all the support they can. You aren't a bad person.... You've just had a big shock.

 

[hd2208]

Hey hun, don't really have anything to add but didn't want to not coment. I'm 34 been in a relationship for 16yr and 20w pregnant with my first baby, it was a planned pregnancy but I will never forget the fear of OMG we are actually doing this when we found out followed by the continual fear of what happens if we are rubbish, it doesn't like us, I don't do womething right etc etc. Pregnancy is the massive unknown when its your first and feeling scared is totally natatural, this combined with your own health issiues makes it seem like an overwhelming task. Only you can make the decision regarding what is right for you and your partner - it is not a decision to be made lightly but you know that. I would suggest taking time, talking to each other, clinic staff and the people at the hospita who can support you with all your options. Also try not and beat yourself up, you are where u are and are getting all the information on board to make the best decision you can so hats of to you, burying your head in the sand would be the easier option!! Take care hunxx x