2 days old and I'm doubting myself about breastfeeding

[NavyLouise]

Hi all, Enid was born Friday morning at home and as much as I love that I feel it meant I've had no help at all. 2 midwives showed up after I gave birth and left about 3 hours later, one had me try to feed but didn't really show how and said it looked like she'd had a feed but I couldn't see how as I didn't feel anything iykwim?
I Never got to sleep that day at all and she was sleepy all day and not interested in feeding. Managed to get her on the breast after lots of head wiggling frustration that evening and she had a good long sleep after.

The next morning was awful though I could tell she was hungry but just couldn't get her to latch, oh was asleep in bed and I spent 3 hours crying my eyes out not knowing what to do. Eventually she took some and then again around mid day.
More struggle to latch later that eve and she fed for about 40 mins but then she spent the whole night waking up smacking her lips as though she was hungry, but whenever I tried feeding she either wouldn't latch properly or would fall asleep after one sip (so I wouldn't know if she was just using me as a pacifier or wasn't latched right so giving up?)..then repeat the whole process.

I just feel like I've no idea what to do, I hate the idea that she might be hungry and I can't do anything about it but keep trying and getting frustrated. My oh has generally been great with her so far but he doesn't understand what I mean or why I'm upset.

I feel like a failure already somehow and keep wondering if I should just give her formula, would that keep her happy or is this normal?!??

 

[Emily0505]

Sweetie, you are not a failure!!

BF is hard enough when you know what your doing, let aone when you've not been shown!!

Get on the phone to your MW and tell her your struggling with bf and need some support.

If you decide to give formula, then thats fine too. As long as baby has a full tum, she will be happy.

XX

 

[Shontelle]

Aw hun, i know how you feel, I had exactly the same with my first. I gave up and put her on formula, but I wish I had just asked for more support and perservered.

If you really do want to breastfeed, follow Emily's advice and get hold of the mw and tell her you need some help with it. If you aren't fussed either way and just want her fed, give her a bottle.

You are NOT a failure, breastfeeding does not come naturally to every mum or every baby.

And congratulations on the birth of your daughter

 

[tilly16]

ooo please don't feel like that!!! You are 100% not a failure! I don't have any children of my own yet however my sister in law has been very open with me when it comes to bf and has allowed me to watch her feed all 3 of hers. Theres a couple of things that I have picked up on that I hope will help you.

Firstly remember this is new to both of you people tend to forget that that baby is learning to and it may take little Enid a few days to learn how to latch properly. Before trying to get her to latch try rubbing your nipple under her nose this will encourage her to open her mouth as wide as possible and will allow you to get you full nipple in her mouth.

Remember if she was starving she would be letting you know about it babies don't tend to stay quiet when there is something wrong.

If you decide to swop to bottle feeding that is also fine whatever is best for you and your new bundle of joy take care xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

The problems that you describe are very common when starting to bf a newborn. I have experienced this last week and I have bf 4 children before this one!
If you want to bf, don't give formula. I know it's hard but you are both learning.
Call the mw and explain your troubles.
I spent a good 20 mins at one point last night, trying to get lo to latch. It's one of those bf frustrations I'm afraid but it becomes less regular as you go.
If you feel the latch is wrong, keep taking baby off and put back on again until you hear rhythmic swallowing.
Good luck xx

 

[NavyLouise]

Thanks ladies, I feel a little better at the moment. I think it's at night it's worse as I'm so tired and just want the best for her.. Still shattered but everything seems a little easier in the light of day and I've just fed her for 10 mins.. My husband said as one of you did that she can't be properly hungry as she'd be vocally letting us know.

I just feel so unsure of everything which I suppose is normal, I just expected things to come naturally to me and to know exactly what I'm doing and now that's not happened I suppose I'm a bit shocked!
I do want to breastfeed as when we're doing it right it's the best feeling, but when it's not working I'm so quick to start thinking about giving up.. Hopefully I can persevere and ill try to talk to the midwife.

 

[Shontelle]

Glad you're feeling better hun. Sleep deprivation and crazy hormones are probably wreaking havoc for you at the mo, so just take a deep breath and relax and think before you make any hard and fast decisions.

There are lots of support groups/clinics if you do really want to breastfeed. Also, I'm sure once you tell your mw how much you are struggling with it, she'll be more supportive. She can refer you to a lactation consultant or someone similar who can help you.

You're doing a fab job, don't forget that

xx

 

[KAW83]

As one of the other ladies said hormones are nasty things and can make us all feel crazy just after having a baby. My little one is 5 weeks now, and I remember feeling exactly the same about breast feeding in the beginning.

I would be ok in the day, but at night I would just cry, and get frustrated at Megan for not taking properly, and then I would get frustrated at myself for having those feelings. It does get easier I promise, I won't lie I still have those days where I wonder if shes getting enough, if my milk is drying up, if my nipples work! But my baby is happy and content and gaining weight.

Please get on to your midwife and ask for some more help, I had a visit from a breast feeding support worker and it helped no end.

You are doing an amazing job, and as others have said also baby will tell you if shes hungry, give yourself a break, please do rest when your little one does, I was told to do this and didn't - which meant I was even more tired, which made me even more hormonal - just try and sleep as much as you can.

Keep at it hon, it is so worth it xxxxxx

 

[Esperanza84]

I know it is hard in the beginning but you will get the hang of it. My baby girl had a favorite breast, because my milk stream was not any good from the other breast. My doctor prescribed me a nasal spray that made my flow better and she latched better on the non-favorite breast as well.

I'm adding a link here, it is to a breastfeeding organization web site here in Norway - they have different videos on breastfeeding (how to latch, different positions etc). I found it really helpful!

http://ammehjelpen.no/tilkoblingen?id=785#1TheLatch

Good luck!!

xx

 

[Esperanza84]

To see the English version, scroll down on the page.

To see more videos, click on video

 

[KarenC]

I had a home birth too, hun, and it was really difficult when the midwives left two hours after I'd given birth. Births in hospitals certainly have the advantage of having MWs around to help! I had NO idea what I was meant to be doing once they'd gone. I'd watched videos of babies latching and feeding, but that was it. My LO cried all the time despite being on my boobs almost constantly. I had visits from the MWs the next day and almost daily for the next two weeks, but my LO kept on losing weight and at the end of two weeks I was forced to supplement with formula. I started pumping in order to try to increase my supply and it took another six weeks of perseverance before I could ditch the formula feeds. It has been really worth the effort for me, but it's not a failure to have tried to BF and ended up stopping for whatever reason. Try to get as much support as you can. Keep offering your boob to your LO as much as you can bear. Mine kept falling asleep on the breast because my supply was so low that she tired herself out, then she lost more weight and got more lethargic - a vicious circle that leads to BF failure if you can't get some help! My supply is still dodgy but I'm exclusively breastfeeding at nearly 5 months, so it can be done! You'll do what's best for both of you in the end. Don't beat yourself up if you end up FF.

Best of luck, and huge congrats on the birth of Enid xxx

 

[NavyLouise]

Thankyou for all the advice.
Karen it's nice to hear from someone in the same boat. She wants to be attached to me constantly, especially at night and last night was the second night of her constantly screaming. Both my midwife and the only other one I have a number for are on annual leave according to their phones so we phoned the labour ward and got a snotty reception about how babies will cry and be difficult at first!
She said she will try to get someone out to us today..I just looked through the purple notes we got and saw there's a whole feeding page that the midwives are meant to have gone through?!

I just feel so alone. Even this morning I tried to feed her again and by now my nipples are sore from all the initial sucking she does, she latched on and then just lay there!
I haven't stopped crying as I feel such a failure and my husband is trying so hard but we are both literally falling asleep standing.
I just want to know she is feeding now and not have this feeling that not only am I finding parenting in general hard but also the pressure to continue breast feeding is so immense that I don't know wether to try to make myself happier or make everyone else happy.

 

[KarenC]

Big hugs, hun. It is SO, so hard at the beginning. I still struggle some days now. How did it go today? Did you get a visit? I think it's appalling that you've had so little support, especially after a home birth. Our MWs came round the next day as a rule, then as often as I wanted, rang me up etc. etc. I really hope you got some help today. I know that feeling of being dead on your feet because LO has been crying and feeding all night. It does get better, but it's horrible at first. You are doing brillantly, just keep going. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to BF. It will all be fine. If you don't think Enid is getting enough milk, don't worry - she will be OK!!! Hope you are OK xx

 

[NavyLouise]

Thanks Karen. We phoned labour ward again in the afternoon as we'd heard nothing, 20 mins on the phone and they said they'd get someone to call. We noticed she looks a little yellow so thought we'd get a GP appointment and use that as a chance to get help generally.
The GP fobbed us off saying she looks a little jaundiced but wait till we get the heel prick test and when I asked about feeding issues he simply said 'breast is best you'll have to ask a midwife'

Cue my hubby getting very angry, we drove to the labour ward and demanded to see a midwife. After a 40 min wait we finally saw the most fantastic midwife! She got Enid latched on for me while I lay down and answered a few of my questions. My oh told her he was worried about me being depressed and she was so lovely and gave some advice and has arranged a midwife visit for us today. She said that there is nothing wrong with formula if it makes us all happier and to not feel guilty as I'm trying so hard.

I still feel incredibly anxious but I ended up having her co sleep with me last night (with every precaution) so I could try feeding without having to keep getting up. She didn't feed too well and i found it quite sore but I knew she was getting milk every now and again throughout and we set a 3 hourly alarm to keep trying, I finally got some decent sleep this way as she would nod off safely and I wouldn't have to keep moving her.
I've given her a little formula this morning to give myself a break but I'm going to carry on trying and see how it goes.

Does this all sound ok? :/

 

[NavyLouise]

Thanks Karen. We phoned labour ward again in the afternoon as we'd heard nothing, 20 mins on the phone and they said they'd get someone to call. We noticed she looks a little yellow so thought we'd get a GP appointment and use that as a chance to get help generally.
The GP fobbed us off saying she looks a little jaundiced but wait till we get the heel prick test and when I asked about feeding issues he simply said 'breast is best you'll have to ask a midwife'

Cue my hubby getting very angry, we drove to the labour ward and demanded to see a midwife. After a 40 min wait we finally saw the most fantastic midwife! She got Enid latched on for me while I lay down and answered a few of my questions. My oh told her he was worried about me being depressed and she was so lovely and gave some advice and has arranged a midwife visit for us today. She said that there is nothing wrong with formula if it makes us all happier and to not feel guilty as I'm trying so hard.

I still feel incredibly anxious but I ended up having her co sleep with me last night (with every precaution) so I could try feeding without having to keep getting up. She didn't feed too well and i found it quite sore but I knew she was getting milk every now and again throughout and we set a 3 hourly alarm to keep trying, I finally got some decent sleep this way as she would nod off safely and I wouldn't have to keep moving her.
I've given her a little formula this morning to give myself a break but I'm going to carry on trying and see how it goes.

Does this all sound ok? :/

 

[Emily0505]

She will want to feed from you a lot to start with to build up your supply, so the more she can feed from you the better (especially at nignt- now theres a design flaw if ever i saw one! lol) tnats the only issue with giving her formula.

Lansinoh nipple cream is amazing and letting the air get to them as much as possible will help. Bf is so painful to start with- until your nipples toughen up it feels like someone is shoving hundreds of tiny red hot pins into tnem! Made my toes curl, but you will get past that stage.

If you are still struggling with latching etc then keep demanding support from your mw. They are there to help you if you need it.

You are doing great hun, well done

XX

 

[Rowesb]

Sounds as though you are doing fab hun, echo what the others have said, you are both learning and that is difficult to start of with. The constantly feeding is normal and to build your supply up,the best advice I can give is to help this along by having lots and lots of skin to skin time, if this means snuggled in bed so that you can nap around it so be it, you can not have too much skin to skin
Have you a baby cafe or similar near to you? tbh I found the HV a better BF support than the MW, it might be worth phoning them to see if they can give you any groups/numbers locally

 

[NavyLouise]

I thought since I've given her formula this morning I would express some at the same time so I'm not messing supply up. I know that sounds backwards but I just need to not have her attached to me for a bit iykwim? It really is getting me so down and I haven't stopped googling everything but from now on I'm going to try going with my gut instinct and try to make myself happy as I really don't want to fall into a trap and end up getting depressed (I've had problems with depression and anxiety in the past so it's a big issue for me to not put myself under too much pressure).
I'll take it one feed at a time and see where we end up, as long as she is fed that's all that really matters I suppose.
Thanks again for all the advice!

 

[cosmicgirl]

That's good, one feed at a time.
I'm two weeks into the bf now and although he's feeding well now and my supply is getting there, I'm still suffering toe curling pain when he latches.
Don't lose hope, you're doing really well. Expressing is a good idea, that will keep your milk flowing.
You're doing a great job, bf is hard, really hard, be proud of yourself x

 

[cosmicgirl]

Don't forget the lansinoh after every feed x