no milk!!!!!!!!!!

[melhoney]

hi, need some advice really! am getting really down!

Maheen is now 3 days old, and has not managed to latch on my breast properly yet...despite all the midwives you can think off trying to make her do it!!!!!!!!

I haven't had colostrum either, just today for the 1st time and it obviously was in such a tiny quantity! just a drop!!!!

so, since she was born, she has been on formula milk, as she was becoming really hungry! (as u can imagine!!!! )

what should I do??? I am reallly confused now, because even if with a miracle my milk was gonna come, I would not have enough for her to feel satisfied and feedling with both breastfeed AND formula is not what I would like to do!
Also, can someone tell me what they think of the quantity she drinks? she is taking a bottle of 60ml of cow and gate every 3 to 4 hours. Is this too much, not enough??? nobody yet has been able t give me a straight answer!!!!!!!!


Another question: why is my little girl an angel durng the day and a small devil during the night??
I mea, during the day, she will feed and sleep, and no prblem. but from 9 o'clock at night, she will feed and...cry!
no way of making her go to sleep!! and she constantly wants to suck/drink!!

I was so much against a dummy but we have bought one and she is fine as long as she has it in th mouth but drops it every 20 minutes or so!
and start crying again!!!!

I haven't slept more than 6 hours since she was born and that's thnaks to my mmum who took over this morning so that I could take a rest!

All this is really getting at me, and I need to know what I am doing wrong!!
it already makes me feel such a failure not to have had colostrum / milk, and am getting panicked that as a mum I am doing it all wrong and give her all the bad habit you can think of!!!!!!!!!!

what can I do? what should I do? please help me! I have asked midwives thses questions, but I get different answers and make me feel again so bad about the breastfeeding thing. They say I should buy a pump and carry on, but I wonder if it's gonna be worth it and useful now!!!!!

oh I am so confused!!! what shall I do?????????

mel

 

[emilia]

Hi Mel...

Sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time! Don't despair... motherhood comes with endless challenges and enough to make one weep!!! You're doing all the right things. With regards to bf, don't feel guilty - you're little bunny needs milk and when she gets her milk, she'll be happy and so will YOU! Whether from boobies or tins, happiness is more important all round.
Remember, she's only a few days old. It takes some time yet for them to settle outside the womb, which was a cozy and safe place! She'll settle!!
I hope your days get better and enjoy your baby! Ooopsss... Oscar just woken - must dash!
Emilia xx

 

[hels]

Hi Mel....((((hugs)))
It seems that we are all in the same boat! Charlotte is just over 2 weeks, and is the same as maheen. Angel during the day, wide awake all night!!
I have been asured by the girls on here that the first 4-6 weeks is v hard, but evryone has said the same.....IT DOES GET BETTER!! Heres hoping!
My milk took a while to come in and Charlie wouldnt latch on, I had to express for the first week and feed her from a cup. The MW told me not to use a bottle as she may get confused with teat/nipple, though i have found different opinions as usual!! As for amounts Charlotte was only taking 30mls every 3 hours when i was cup feeding her, so had to top up now and then with Aptimil, she was happy with this though.
Its so hard when you get so much conflicting advice!
Any way prob no help at all as i seem to have no clue myself and have also felt like iam failing my daughter.
I tried something last night...see my post!
keep smling Hun xxxx

 

[hels]

Hi Mel....((((hugs)))
It seems that we are all in the same boat! Charlotte is just over 2 weeks, and is the same as maheen. Angel during the day, wide awake all night!!
I have been asured by the girls on here that the first 4-6 weeks is v hard, but evryone has said the same.....IT DOES GET BETTER!! Heres hoping!
My milk took a while to come in and Charlie wouldnt latch on, I had to express for the first week and feed her from a cup. The MW told me not to use a bottle as she may get confused with teat/nipple, though i have found different opinions as usual!! As for amounts Charlotte was only taking 30mls every 3 hours when i was cup feeding her, so had to top up now and then with Aptimil, she was happy with this though.
Its so hard when you get so much conflicting advice!
Any way prob no help at all as i seem to have no clue myself and have also felt like iam failing my daughter.
I tried something last night...see my post!
keep smling Hun xxxx

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Mel,

huge hug to you ((())). I had a first week which sounds similar to yours, the labour was fine it was the breastfeeding thing that was tough. It's good that your midwives are supporting you giving her formula as I was in hospital for 4 days and they didn't give him any extra formula until I had got to a state where I was just crying at my sore boobs and he was screaming with hunger. It was pretty rubbish. When I got home my local midwife team were great and suggested feeding him formula after I'd had him on the boob.

We gave him about 60ml every 3 or 4 hours too so that sounds about right. I had very sore boobs and mastitus by day 7 and my milk had still not come in properly and he was really screaming all of the time because we couldn't get the formula into him fast enough with a syringe or cup and I decided to give up trying to breastfeed. He was instantly very happy and everything was much better overnight .

However... after this all happened and I had time to reflect I think that if I had been told about nipple shields then I could have given it a few more days before giving up and also since I was about to give up breastfeeding anyway I wish I had tried feeding him with a bottle while still expressing and breastfeeding a bit as I'm really not sure that he would have got nipple confusion knowing my baby as I do now and it might have bought me a few more days. They said to me that my milk would eventually come in but they couldn't say how long it would take and I was in no fit state to have carried on by then.

So.... I guess you have to decide what's best for you but try to make any decision after you've had some sleep. It was the best advice I was given in that week and it meant that I know that I made the decision to stop breastfeeding when I was not totally sleep deprived. Even so I will do it differently next time and try a few more things first.

It makes me so angry to hear that you haven't had any constant advice about the feeding etc. I didn't either and it was very unhelpful, especially when you're new to everything and so so tired.

Are you letting someone else feed him the top up formula so that you can get some sleep? My Mum came to stay and she and my OH feed him some of my expressed milk and the formula while I got some sleep. I had to put earplugs in though as I found it almost impossible to stop straining my ears to hear him.

Good luck hun. Don't know if I've helped but just wanted you to know that you're not alone. You're doing a great job and you're not doing anything "wrong" as there is no "right way", just your way

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[Rosieroo]

On a different site they had a link to this web page regarding low milk production, could be worth a read - but this is the bit that I thought was interesting.

Sometimes, in spite of good support and the mother’s best efforts, there is a real problem with milk supply. In rare cases, hormonal imbalances during adolescence have affected breast growth and development. Conditions such as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, thyroid disorders, chest surgery, or invasive breast surgery can create problems with full milk production. Severe dietary restrictions during pregnancy and lactation can affect some women’s milk supplies, as can smoking or overuse of alcohol.

Excessive loss of blood during delivery and anemia can both reduce milk production until the mother recovers. If a fragment of the placenta remains in the uterus it will prevent full milk production until it is passed or removed. Some medical conditions such as diabetes can delay full milk production for several weeks. Typically, lack of frequent and effective removal of milk from the breasts, along with infections, fatigue and excessive stress are the major causes of early problems with milk supply. Some medications, especially head cold remedies, may dramatically reduce milk supply.

http://www.medela.com/NewFiles/milksupply.html

 

[Rosebay]

My Mum had two of us and she had problems with positioning with me (her first) and no support (in those days it was seen as almost embarrassing to want to breastfeed) so she didn't breastfeed me but with my brother she had support but like me her milk never came in or at least was over a week coming in so she switched to formula. I never had the hormone rush that you get when it comes in and my boobs didn't change at all- there was some milk but very little although they seemed to think it would happen eventually just couldn't tell me when. I haven't got any of the things mentionned above and neither did my Mum and I have heard of lots of other women whose milk took longer than a week to come in so don't panic. It's only 3 days so far and I think for most women it comes in somewhere between 3 and 5 days.

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[Lucy]

Hi Mel

You're not alone hun, Olivia was also feeding really well during the day then restless, crying and feeding all night long, she still does this but occasionally has lots of feed between 8pm and midnight then sleeps for 3 hours then wakes for a feed then another sleep for 3 hours then a feed. This forum has been wonderful for reassuring me that this is normal for a newborn, even though it took me a while to adjust.

With the breastfeeding I'm finding that I just have to fedher when I think she really is hungry, I've also started using a dummy and sure enough if she's really hungry she spits it out and continues to cry and if she's not then she happily takes the dummy and falls asleep.

You're doing a great job Mel, I can imagine how frustrating it must be when you're milk hasn't come in - hopefully it will arrive soon then get her suckling as much as possible and I'm sure it will get flowing.

Lucy
Olivia 1 wk 4 days

 

[beanie]

i had a nightmare the first week. seren never settled on the breast and was always hungrey. i lost a lot of blood during the birth, on the 6th night my milk started to come in. it took a long time for me to be able to feed her, even now she will still get a top up of formula at night. i am not happy about mx feeding her but it has helped me feed her, i think i would have given up ages ago and we have got her down to taking 2oz. it is tough but the best thing you can do if you want to bf is to feed baby when they want. however if you feel that formula is best then go for that, you will still have a happy baby.

seren was a little sod at night the first week, would always be awake. i kept the room dark, wouldn't speak or make any noise and she eventually got that night was a time for sleep. newborns have no set body clock, its all so new to them and they have gone from being constantly soothed and fed i the womb to a big scary world and it does take some getting used to. you are doing great, it is a tough time but it does pass xx

 

[melhoney]

Thanks everyone for your replies! As usual, you provide such a great comfort...I knew I would probably not be the only one, but it just makes you feel better to share things with people.

it's day 5 now, and still no milk, and baby still not lastching on properly...so OH and I have had a discussion and we are giving up!

It still makes me feel a little bit bad about it, really, but it's probably best for the sake of our life. And even my midwife told me that now, Maheensees my breast as an enemy, and not as a comforting thing for her anymore as every time some one would try to make her latch on, nothing would come at all, and she would get frustrated!

we have bought a dummy as well, and this seems to settle her down, at least till she gets rid of it, and I just sit in her room, (with pc...like just now) to make sure that she gets her dummy back when it falls down and she gets upset about it.
I am not going to talk to her or cuddle her during the night, as you say, she needs to understand that night time is different than day time.
At least, now, she is in her own cot, in her own bedroom, and no more in ours or in our bed!!!

I have tried as well to push her a little bit during the day, keep her awake longer, so that when evening comes she is more tired, and tonight, she has managed to sleep from 8ish to half midnight... which I guess is a real achievement!

Now, she got her feed (still 60ml) and back in cot, but she got a little bit restless so just gave her her dummy, and she seems ok for now.

Rosebay, I know what you mean about the breast, my boobs never got any bigger during the whole pregnancy, I never got any licking either, and my boobs don't even feel sour at the moment (just the tits coz MW have been trying to make her latch on. I haven't got any of the symptoms you found Rosieroo, except probably stress and tiredness...but hey, we all have as new mums, no?

My mum is with us till 7th March, and she has been great, helping with cooking,etc, and also taking a turn from 6am till 90 and 3 hours in afternoon as well. I managed to get some leep, but I find it so ifficult to sleep on demand, for 3 hours!!! has always been difficult for me to fall asleep!

Oh leaves at 5:30 in mornings and comes back 5:30 ish pm every day, and takes care of her then, soi I can take my bath and take care of my stitches (ouch!!!!!!! )

It's all new for us, and I know everyone says it does get better, it's just so hard to put into perspective at the moment! and I hate my face so much (have 50kg bags under each eye!!!!!!!!!!!) that I don't even want to be on any pictures, because I find myself so ugly, but when OH has his pictures taken and they are so lovely, I feel left aside!!!

Hels, what is Aptimil? sorry , sound probably stupid, but as I am french, there are so many stuff out there I don't know the name of...like Saline water for eg!!!! I have just learnt it does exist here in uk!!! (I had asked my mum to bring some from France! )

My mum and my husband are os supportive, they are great, but I still feel like I should be able to settle my daughter down...I know, I know...it WILL GET BETTER!!

You have all been fantastic with your responses, and again, so much more useful than midwives!!!! I am so grateful! REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs to all.
Mel xx

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Mel,

don't feel even a little bit bad about it hun. You have done your very best. I really hope that everything gets better really quickly for you now. It got to the point with me and Elliott when I was almost resenting having to feed him because it was so painful and that's not a good way to be. Time to start really enjoying your lovely new baby now that you're sure that she is getting enough food

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[Lauz_1601]

All im going to say is that it really does get better, sometimes i felt like the rest of my life was going to be like that! Then all of a sudden everything just fell into place and being a mummy is now so much fun and not stressful anymore, you will find your feet hun trust me you will

 

[melhoney]

It's 28 and in half an hour, Maheen will be 6 day old!!!!! Already and...only!
I mean, it's already a week, nearly, it's gone fast and at the same time, it feels like she has been with us forever!

Thanks for your reassurance, we are gonna get there, I am sure, and everyone is so supportive, she managed to sleep in one go from 21:20 till 01:20, so I guess it's not bad at all!
but it was my mum's turn and I was sleeping! heaven!
Now, it's my turn to look after her and I have efd her, changed her and put her into bed but she isn't sleeping deeply! from now till 50 or 6o, she is gonna be restless, needing her dummy every 15 minutes! Don't know why she won't sleep now!!!!!!!!! and then she will be more or less ok in the morning, and afternoon! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Come on, Maheen, sleep at night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to buy the book by gina ford, I might find useful tips in there!

right, am gonna switch pc off, and see if she can sleep!

mel xx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

I nevre had problem with mil;k coming in but with staying up at night i did have that prob but it does get better tehy slowly start sleeping longer for you ,.. at least inmost cases.
Hope it gets better for you.
Katrina

 

[Rosebay]

I am going to buy the book by gina ford, I might find useful tips in there!

I love Gina. Without her I'd be a gibbering mess and would have run for the hills weeks ago. She gets a lot of stick from people but as long as you don't get too hung up on doing things exactly (there's no way I do crying it out or have black out blinds in his bedroom for example) she is fabulous and is worth a go.

So glad things are looking up now and that you're getting some precious sleep!
Good luck with it

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