2.5 year old won't fall asleep alone

[KHTW]

I am looking for a bit of advise here. My 2.5 year old refuses to stay in her bed if I leave the room. She will get in bed no problem, listen to bedtime stories, accept the light being turned off etc but as soon as I say good night and attempt to leave the room she is crying and getting up immediately.

There was a week not long ago when she would stay in bed and fall asleep alone BUT then the molars started coming and it all went to hell. After her teeth were out, she got a major cold and again was super clingy. Now she is getting back to her old self but still won't let me leave the room.

She has a dummy and all her fluffy toys with her.
She refuses to stay in whether or not the light is left on.

As much as I love our bed time cuddles and I will miss watching her fall asleep, I am 20 weeks pregnant and when paternity leave comes to an end I will be doing bedtime alone. I am dreading this.

Any tips to make this easier on both of us?? Thank you xx

 

[babyscotcher]

Could you try slowly leaving the room. First night do as you usually do. then the next night move a few feet towards the door, same again the following night until you are then stood outside the door but where she can still see you. If she starts to get up you put her back, comfort her and then start moving slowly away again.

Sounds counter productive but we also allow our little boy (also 2.5yrs old) to choose a couple of toys to take to bed each night. He is in a single bed so has plenty of room to play. Sometimes it can take him an hr to go to sleep if he is playing but he is happy and always falls asleep in the end and sleeps through until 6.30-7am.

Good Luck

 

[candymycandy]

Yeah I agree with slow retreat approach or a form of controlled crying if you can bear it? We’ve had bouts where my lb Keeps getting out and crying for us. We just quietly lead him back to bed and give him a cuddle and leave again. It sometimes can take god knows how many goes but does work for us. Or does she respond to reward charts etc? x

 

[KHTW]

Thank you ladies, I will try that. I can't do controlled cry but will give the slow retreat a go!

Sadly she cannot be bribed yet

 

[Karenb]

My daughter had a week or so of being like this recently, I talked to her during the day about how she’s a big girl now and mummy can’t stay with her and gave stickers etc. I also said if she goes to bed nicely then she’ll be able to sleep over at her cousins which she absolutely loved as a reward.

 

[Oliv]

Thanks to the help of my friend I avoid sleeping problems. Mainly I focused on the HWL method - Susan Urban describes it briefly and interestingly (ebook "How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone"). In general, the idea is for the child to feel safe in his bed and know that you are nearby, although you are not there. I could get a little confused, better take this guide.

 

[KHTW]

Thanks to the help of my friend I avoid sleeping problems. Mainly I focused on the HWL method - Susan Urban describes it briefly and interestingly (ebook "How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone"). In general, the idea is for the child to feel safe in his bed and know that you are nearby, although you are not there. I could get a little confused, better take this guide.

Thanks I will check it out! x

 

[Diamond18]

I think this is just going to cause unnecessary stress and pressure on you both - I'd honestly just cuddle\sing\read her to sleep, she's still only a baby.

 

[KHTW]

I think this is just going to cause unnecessary stress and pressure on you both - I'd honestly just cuddle\sing\read her to sleep, she's still only a baby.

Of course, I am not looking to kick her out of my bed (or rather me from hers) at any cost! But she is not a baby and we both need to learn to sleep in our own beds, especially with her baby sister on the way. It will be a gentle transition, like with everything else, but it needs to happen.

 

[Diamond18]

I think this is just going to cause unnecessary stress and pressure on you both - I'd honestly just cuddle\sing\read her to sleep, she's still only a baby.

Of course, I am not looking to kick her out of my bed (or rather me from hers) at any cost! But she is not a baby and we both need to learn to sleep in our own beds, especially with her baby sister on the way. It will be a gentle transition, like with everything else, but it needs to happen.

I didn't suggest you would Each to their own...

 

[KHTW]

Your comments are not really helpful... and an eye roll? really? If you don't have any advise, don't bother posting.

 

[Shanivy]

I think this is just going to cause unnecessary stress and pressure on you both - I'd honestly just cuddle\sing\read her to sleep, she's still only a baby.

I'd say having another baby on the way means cuddling her to sleep is just completely unfeasable tbh. She's almost 3 so I'd not condsider her a baby, and there's nothing wrong with trying to get her sleeping by herself without cuddling constantly etc. Tbh trying to get a 3 year old and a baby both to sleep both by cuddling and rocking would stress me no end. As if.

KHTW it's hard sometimes, especially if like me you let her sleep with you. When dd had to go in her own bed she was pretty much like wtf?

For me I copied supernanny lol. I had to start by sitting on DDs bed until she fell asleep. Then I moved to sitting in the room telling her I'm still here, go to sleep, you're safe, mummy's here. And during the day talking about how she would sleep in her own bed like a big girl, so she'd hopefully remember and not kick off when she went in her own room.

Then after about 2 weeks of that I started just reading her a story, giving her a cuddle and telling her "I'm right next door" if she woke up I'd come or she could come get me. Reassuring stuff really. I'd say all in all it took about a full month before she slept through in her bed.

Some nights I'd sit there for 2 hours because she knew once she'd fell asleep I'd leave. Then maybe I'd get an hour before she woke up crying for me and I had to do it all over again. It's exhausting and hard if you've not put her in her own bed from the start. Like I didn't. And I couldn't do controlled crying either.

But you'll both totally get it, just persevere with her hun. I know she's only two but maybe buy her a new novelty duvet with her favourite characters on and be like "Oh wow I wish mummy could use this but it's only for you in your bed!" Or a new teddy for only in her bed Etc. You're doing the right thing for both of you but it's not easy fx xx

 

[KHTW]

Thank you Shan xx I have been trying different things but as soon as she cries I go back to square 1... can't listen to her cry! She is understanding more and more now so we try to talk to her about it. Thatnks for your advise I will try the reasurence talk x

 

[Shanivy]

Just replied about this in the other thread lol. I cant stand to hear Ivy cry either so I get it, I dont think thats a bad thing at all, I never could get the whole " let her cry it out" thing. She soon learned to wrap me around her little finger about it lol. Good luck hun. I wish I could be more help. Fx you find something that works for her and you xx

 

[_GG_]

Well, seeing a 2.5yr old as a baby is just daft. So is just cuddling her...you're 20 weeks away from a new baby so are you supposed to sprout new arms and never encourage your toddler to learn a little independence and self soothing. And by self soothing, I mean use of the supernanny approach as Shan describes. Worked perfectly with my nieces as they were given the time and opportunity to work it out without any feelings of abandonment.

Your daughter is about to be a big sister, so I'm sure she doesn't want to be babies the same was as a new born!

 

[KHTW]

Thanks GG, you are spot on re the little independance she should learn x

 

[Kholl]

Oh man sleep stuff is SO difficult!!! I've said it so many times: why is something that is a biological imperative so damn elusive?!?!!!

I definitely think you have to do what feels right in your heart here, I just want to reassure you that IF you have to keep cuddling her to sleep or being with her while she falls asleep, it CAN be done. I had to do that with a toddler and a newborn twice, and I thought it would be impossible but it's not, it is amazing what you can do and how creative you can get. And to this day I do bedtime every night with my 6-year-old, 3.5-year-old, and 18-month old ALL in the same room at once... and I have to be in there until they're all asleep (my 6-year-old had some major regression after kindergarten started... sigh). I am not saying whatsoever that this is ideal or that you should do what I'm doing (in fact, I am quite certain that I need to figure out a plan to encourage independent sleep with the older 2, I simply haven't yet, for a variety of reasons), I just want to reassure you that IF she is still needy at bedtime and IF you are faced with needing to do bedtime with her and the newborn at the same time, you'd be shocked at how much you actually can do. Moms are freaking amazing problem-solvers and what feels impossible when you imagine it, you make possible when it becomes your reality.

Again-- not saying AT ALL that you should just indulge her nighttime neediness if it doesn't feel right to you! I am just reassuring you that whatever you face those early days (/months/years, haha) you will be able to handle, impossible as it feels right now

Hugs, and congratulations on your impending new arrival!

 

[KHTW]

Thank you Kholl, you give me hope lol! I hope it falls into place before baby comes but if not, as you say I will find a way, that's what us mum do best x

 

[BunnyN]

My experience has been very similar to kholl's. With my first I felt pressure to do things how I thought they should be done or how others thought they should be done. But with a toddler and a newborn I soon realised that I had to concentrate on what worked for us. What worked was a combination of what felt right and what got us to the next day. Having 3 with small age gaps I admit a lot of is a about getting through the day! And I have to be honest here, all 3 of them are still sleeping in our room which is not perfect but it has led to less stress and more sleep . When I had too put a toddler and baby to sleep on my own I either put the baby to sleep in the boba wrap first or cuddled them both which worked okay most of the time.

Like Kholl said you will work out what is the best for you. Whatever method you decide on the important thing is that it works for you.

 

[KHTW]

Thank you Bunny. Honestly you and Kholl, managing 3 kiddies at bedtime, you are my heroes

We are putting together a toddler bed for DD this weekend to see if she stays in it, without me. There is a sofa bed in her room so I can stay there for some time in case she wakes up looking for me.
But if that doesn't work, she will juts crawl in bed with me and we will just take our time, I guess. 'Worst comes to worst' I will be co-sleeping with 2!

Once again, thank you all for advise xx