17mo is a nightmare to settle at night

[CARNAT22]

We still co-sleep as she loathes her cot bed. She is sleeping a bit better when she goes down... she never sleeps through but most nights I get an uninterrupted 4-5h.

It's getting her to go to sleep that is the issue - she is such a live wire.

It takes at least an hour (I go to bed with her, feed her, it's dark, quiet and peaceful) yet all she does is try to get up / kick her feet / coo / laugh / play peekaboo / thrash about

It doesn't matter how tired she is, what time we do bed (usually 9pm as there is no chance of her sleeping before then - but even keeping her up later still results in the same palaver), how long she has napped, what she has eaten, how much exercise she has had [she is very physical] it is still the same every bedtime.

Is this a phase? Will she grow out of it?

Leaving her to self soothe is not an option as a) she won't go near the cot and b) the gate is at the top of the stairs so if we leave her she just goes into James.

She just never seems to tire !!

X

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[JD.Deedee]

I took the sides of the cot bed around that age, turned out he got hysterical being trapped in a small space, he wouldn't even cope with a camping bed at all once we took the sides off he started sleeping and wanting to sleep in his own bed. Now like 1,5 y later even when he's ill he wants his own bed and not be in ours, yeah maybe to do his monkey jumping! P

 

[Kay Kay]

Does music calm her down? Maybe some lullabies or soothing tunes? Have you tried lavender on her pillow or a wee massage with lavender oil? My wee boy is pretty good at going down these days but on the occasions he's hyper I massage his legs and sing to him (sounds so pampered at almost 3 years old...I'll probably still do it when he's ten lol). Other things are maybe a projector for the ceiling one of those ones that shines stars so it's something soothing to look at as she lies there? Does reading to get tire her at all? (Sorry that's an obvious one). It's a hard one but with my wee one it took til about 15/16 months before he would settle himself (I still had to be in the room though until he dropped off...if I tried to sneak out like as in crawling on my hands and knees he would instantly jolt up and scream!!). Eventually that stopped and now I can walk out and say goodnight and he goes to sleep himself.

Not sure I've been very helpful but hang in there I'm sure she'll turn a corner soon xxx

Ps can't believe she's 17 months already??

 

[CARNAT22]

Sorry should have said cot-bed has a side removed and is pushed up against the bed. I roll her into it when she is asleep and she wakes within minutes and cries / rolls back into bed.

Night lights and projectors just stimulate her, music (any kind) makes her sing and dance!! Will try lavender though....

Yep she is 17m in a few days!! Madness

X

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[Pumpkin9]

I think mainly (and this is going to sound really helpful!!) it's just persistence. Thomas was the same at one point. We could be up with him for an hour or more waiting for him to fall asleep to put him in his cot, although we never had an issue once he was in his cot it was just the initial phase.

In the end we tried a minimal version of control crying at about the same age as it was starting to get abit ridiculous and there was nothing wrong with him, he was just trying to be up and awake all the time. It was only necessary to do it about 2/3 times and he gave in and he self settles really well now, we've just taken the sides off his bed at 27months old and he's no bother at all.

My sort of advice is just carry on with what you know works and any gut feelings you have abit things, eventually it should all click, it just might take abit of time.

Does she nap in her cot? Maybe start with that

 

[kitten2014]

I agree pumpkin, our lil miss self settles v well and has done since 4.5mths old but about two months ago she realised she didnt want to go to bed despite bein tired and so now whether we crawl out when she's head down rolling around in her cot or wave goodnight and walk away she still screams but depending on how tired she is it will either be for 5-10mins usually or if 20mins or more we know she's not tired enough...hard as it is it pays in the long run to let them try and settle themselves even if it means crying to sleep as so long as theyre not hungry or in pain they will fall asleep eventually...

 

[Les1504]

Could you try putting her in her own room with a gate on her door? She may settle better if she has her own space? Other than that I have no ideas I'm afraid! Xx

 

[CARNAT22]

We don't have a room for her, she'll (eventually) be sharing with James.

X

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[Rose83]

Hey carnatt, we had our babies at about the same time (mine is now 18 months next week). We've gone through similar problems so I really do feel your pain, nothing I say is supposed to sound critical so I hope it doesn't come across like that, I'm just letting you know what worked for us.

DD from birth was in the spare room (can't call it a nursery as it was never decorated for her) but we slept in the bed in there. She would spend most of the night in her cot but some of it asleep on my chest after feeding or in my arms beside me when she got too big for my chest. At about 4 months we moved back to our own bedroom and left her in the spare one so she didn't have to get used to somewhere new. She was never bothered by it.

This all worked fairly well except every night she would feed to fall asleep and as she got older her milk wouldn't be enough to send her to sleep and I would lay with her on the bed until she fell asleep then transfer her to cot. By 12 months this cuddling could take anywhere up to an hour or more if it was a bad day. I was heavily pregnant again so this was getting very tiring. Since birth we had always had a routine, a set time that we did a bath then bottle then bed.
We moved house and she was in the same room as us for a few months while we decorated and the cuddling thing was driving us nuts. When her room was ready my partner took control and gradually eased her into a slightly different routine, 6.30pm we go up for a bath, she then has her hair dried (she has a lot for her age) then she is put in her sleeping bag thing, placed in her cot and given her bottle. As she drinks that she is read a short story, she hands her bottle back to us and turns into her stomach and puts her dummy in and at first he was sitting with her until she fell asleep but then after 8 weeks he was able to just walk out with her sleepy but not asleep and now she goes to sleep herself. This wasn't all super easy though; at first he would read the story and she would start jumping around and standing up. But what he did was he would walk out the room (which made her cry and scream) and would go back in after two minutes and lay her back down and he did this for a few nights until she realised that if she just stayed lying down then daddy wouldn't leave and then that obviously progressed to the point where now she is ok with him going. I think you just have to find a very regular routine you can stick to and be firm with it.

So the absolute key for us was the rigid routine in terms of time - remember you are the one in control and decide when they go to bed. And do the same thing every night so they know what's coming. And like someone said its persevering every night. Really hope you can sort it out x

 

[Sprout]

Try The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Carnat

You have my sympathies

My 17 mo has a similar interest in going to bed & also very physical & active. Until recently I used to rock him off to sleep in my arms but in the last week or so he wriggles constantly until he gets his feet on the floor so in the last week I have switched to teaching him to go to sleep in the cot.

I have all the sleeping aids on in the background, including a white noise machine. I feel like putting a blackout blind on the window would help, but we won't be here very much longer so I can't be bothered to get one specially.

I use positive/negative reinforcement of the behaviour I want which he picked up very quickly, i.e. if he lies down, then I stroke him (and often sing, throat permitting) and stay with him until he goes to sleep. If he gets up and won't lie back down, then I leave the room for, say, 2 minutes. Often this will cause him to cry which then makes him more tired much quicker.

I know you're not a fan of baby crying but IMO this is nothing compared to him screaming his head off in the car when we're going down the motorway for half an hour and me unable to do anything about it other than offer verbal reassurance from the driver's seat. That's definitely a distressing situation.

Anyhoo, the upshot is that he quickly got the message (it only took a few times of me leaving the room), and from day 2 he lay down readily. This evening he was definitely not tired but kept diving down onto the mattress when I encouraged him, bless him!

Last night it took just over 5 minutes to settle him, this evening it was more like 40 mins, so I got in a lot of "thinking" time. I look on it as a massive investment - having suffered as an insomniac for most of my life, I'm determined that my baby gets good sleeping habits from an early age. Plus, he generally sleeps through the night unless he's ill or teething, so we both have benefited.

Good luck xx

 

[kitten2014]

tinselcat, we also wanted a blackout blind but for a temporary solution we put up cardboard pieces with ducttape, works a treat for the light but also blocks the heat to an extent and keeps the room cool...mayb worth a shot?

 

[Pumpkin9]

Another option for blackout is wet the window and use tin foil, works a treat - saw it on the 3 day nanny

 

[mrswoody]

Hi Nat!

Hope all is going well with you (apart from the sleep).

For me a found sticking to a rigid routine at bed worked well for us. Both girls were gettin ready for bed at the same time from the time Erraid was about 4 weeks old. I would never leave them to cry it out as its not for me but found that a gentle "ssssh" calms down any bedtime antics that we may encounter these days.

A friend of mine had a very similar issue to you with her second only she was awake all night and so was lo with very little sleep in the day she eventually turned to her health visitor for help as she was at a loss. She tried controlled crying and it worked for her.

I hope you find something to help you soon x