"You never get 2 the same"

[CDx]

I always hear this phrase but is there any truth behind it?
Currently in the early stages of my 2nd pregnancy and just stood at the bottom of my little guys bed as he slept studying his face and just thinking how perfect he is and how we've are so lucky to have such an amazing wee person in our lives. Today we've had a lazy day indoors full of playing and cuddling on the sofa watching films and my heart could honestly burst.

He's always been such a textbook baby, slept for 4 hours at a time from his 2nd day home from the hospital, adapted to every situation and stage like a pro and really just been amazing. At baby classes we'd talk about our week and our babies routine and I always felt like I didn't want to be that mum who bragged about having it easy, i was always waiting on something changing and it all going wrong. Not wanting to make any other mums feel bad because their baby wasn't sleeping, or didn't adapt well to weaning or whatever but he was honestly a dream.

Now I think ahead and I know this baby isn't A and I would never want to compare them but I can't help but wonder what they will be like? Will they be as chilled out? How do you split yourself between 2? is this going to be the 1 thing that tips A over the edge and he's going to hate us?

Will I cope with real sleepless nights? What if I can't cope during the day I'm exhausted and A suffers?


Why does this mummy guilt never stop? Or the anxieties?

 

[DeeDeeAbi]

God I could've written this! Terrified this baby will be the polar opposite to my first!!

 

[Mayflower85]

I've had the same thoughts! Although my two year old has never been a text book baby, she's always, always been the smiliest, happiest, funniest child - she might have a tantrum but it's so easy to snap her out of it. She's never been a screamer or suffered with colic etc.

I do wonder what this one will be like! My pregnancies have been very similar and they're both girls, so fingers crossed!

 

[CARNAT22]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I had a very calm, easy, chilled, good sleeping, non crying first baby.

Then I had Bee

Cried for the first 6 months, wouldn't be put down, didn't sleep through until she was 2.5 (she still sleeps in a side cot in our room now!!). She did have CMPA - noticed an immediate reaction when we started weaning at 6m - so I can explain away some of the 'grumpiness' of the first few months. She was ebf and although she didn't show any obvious reactions she did have really bad nappies / was very sicky and just not very happy. We were at the GP/ HV all the time and I was dismissed.
I cut out dairy and things were much better.

CMPA aside though she is definitely much harder work!!!

As toddlers James was very risk averse, sensible and independent. He loved books, could entertain himself and would listen to us. Now he is a smart, sensitive, good natured almost 5yo.

Bee is like a force of nature. She is dangerous (lots of random accidents!!), she is always on the go, doesn't listen (you tell her no and she laughs at you), she is always running / jumping/ climbing / whacking her older brother. She still doesn't sleep well and was breast fed until she was 2.7m. She is a happy, confident, smiley, silly little thing though. She is also a fantastic eater!! James is a fussy pants.

God this is like a therapy session.

I adore both my kids and play to their strengths. I try not to compare and I love their differences.

I look forward to meeting the new baby and seeing who she is.

X

 

[russellmuscle]

Im with Nat. (my second had CMPA)

My first was a hellish pregnancy but bliss and textbook from the moment he came. Always smiling, fed and slept to the clock.

Then when he was 3 we decided we'd have another.

Carter's pregnancy was brilliant until the end (SPD) but once he came, he cried solid for about 3m. I didnt eat, sleep, didn't go out and narrowly missed PND. When we found out he had CMPA and got the right milk and medication for severe reflux, things got better.

Today at 11m he is a happy healthy boy and I wouldnt change it, because it was a learning curve but we got there. He is still so wild in nature compared to his brother. His brother was very wary of things, Carter goes in about it no questions asked! Hes louder and faster, cheekier BUT the cuteness makes up for it.

I did go into it knowing two werent the same, as me and my brothers are all so different and different natures BUT I didnt quite prepare myself, I dont think you can!

xxxx

 

[CDx]

See I was the easy child, my brother wasn't breathing properly when he was born and it took them a while to get him to cry but my mum said once they got him to cry he didn't stop until he was about 3.

I've got a few friends who said if their 2nd born wasn't their 1st born then they wouldn't have had another.

I guess I just need to deal with whatever lies ahead but I'm so scared that I won't get the balance right with 2 and give them equal attention. A is very independent for his age and loves to do loads for himself but don't want that to turn into a jealousy thing if most of my attention is on the baby.

It must be so hard to get it right.

Cx

 

[Loula]

I think this is one reason I wanted a bigger age gap. My daughter will be nearly 6 when this one arrives and I hope I will be able to give them both the same amount of time. My daughter was hard work but maybe that was down to the fact I was a so for mum with her. Would I change the way I was with her for sure but I hope I have learnt and can put I to practise with this one

 

[Selphie]

I'm the opposite, my first had reflux, colic, terrible sleeper. She never slept through! Hoping this one is a better sleeper

 

[russellmuscle]

I think worrying about getting the balance right is completely normal. Its something I still worry about and actually I am pretty fair with them both. I dont compare them and they each get all the time I have.

Jackson is at the age he understands that Carter isnt able to do alot himself yet like walk, feed himself. At first he was a bit demanding but now he knows he just gives me a few minutes if Im busy and then I see to what he needs. Its just a juggling match.

I dont think there is ever a right age, although my eldest is independent physically - they are always learning, always going through a phase and always requiring some form of mental stimulation. I found the most difficult was early in the morning I hadnt slept all night and then my eldest starts throwing maths problems and spelling at me. Hes 4.

Just embrace it and do your best, its all you can do.

xxxx

 

[Rooster30]

Congratulations CDx on your second pregnancy. I am so pleased for you!

My two are also completely different. My son, was a really difficult baby, but a fantastic toddler. My daughter was the opposite, great baby, but a tear away toddler! My son is shy and reserved, my daughter likes to be life and soul of any toddler group or party she attends. My son is fussy with food, my daughter will eat anything including her poo. My daughter loves cuddles, my son is fine without. Etc etc.

They are so different but they are mine, and love them both equally!

 

[mrs_cookie]

My first was a tough baby. I had zero baby experience and felt thoroughly chucked in the deep end lol. She pretty much cried non stop for 9 months,was a nightmare to feed ended up lactose intolerant. Would take hours to get wind up,wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me and would never just sit in a bouncer or on a play mat. She needed constant attention!! And she never smiled or laughed much til she was about 9 months. I never went anywhere with her when she was young as I knee shed just cry and fuss. Have to say she's a much easier toddler and I'd take tantrums over the newborn stage anyday! She was always a brill sleeper and even now at nearly two she has 12/13 hours on and night and a 2/3 hour nap. I keep thinking were due the easy relaxed baby afterlast time but I suppose at least we know it can't be much worse and were more prepared this time haha. I dont think I'll handle no sleep well if this one doesn't sleep but I guess you just adapt because you dont have much choice! Will be fun and games I'm sure but all worth it in the end xx

 

[first_time_mum]

My first was bliss, she slept through from a couple of months old, would eat ok but a bit fussy and would just entertain herself as she got older. My second was a nightmare, he would hardly sleep and he's nearly 2 and I could count on 1 hand the amount of times he's slept through but he had a rough start and we nearly lost him so no matter how many tantrums he has or all of his sister's stuff that he breaks, I just feel so blessed that he is still here with us and I get to see his little face everyday.

I think everyone has the mummy guilt, I know I certainly did and I think I still do sometimes now but you will adapt and get into your own routine. I still feel like ripping my hair out sometimes but we will get there xx

 

[MissCharli]

This is what makes me not want to have a second! So far my baby has been so so good, and I don't honestly know if I could cope with a baby who cried all day every day. I know things could change but I'm loving being a mum to mine so far!

 

[kumber]

My bigger two are polar opposites. My eldest was an amazingly easy baby (I regret not enjoying it more!) but his challenges came when he hit 18 months and his speech delay kicked in. It affected everything, and made life very challenging.

My middle was a nightmare from the beginning, with tongue tie and severe reflux, didn't eat well or sleep well. As a toddler he is a hurricane of mayhem, he's defiant, willful, a very quick temper, and absolutely mad as a hatter.

I hoped #3 would be more like DS1 than DS2, the jury is still out on that one!

They are definitely all very different but you find a way to make it work

 

[CDx]

Thank you Rooster, another wee surprise because I'm still traumatised by A's arrival. Was so surprised to see Cossie back on here too, so nice to have someone around going through the same journey again. Hope you and your beautiful babies are doing well.

MissCharli I still feel like this lol, he has his moments but on the whole he's such a good boy, very loving and affectionate. He'll be the best big bro.

Cx

 

[mylullaby]

Not speaking from experience because baby 2 isn't here yet, but in terms of sleep, my mum has always said all her kids were great sleepers from early on. Baby 1 has been great (give or take the odd night of teething/illness) so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's in the genes and we'll have another good sleeper. I don't care about the rest- just want a few hours of sleep at a time! Xx

 

[CDx]

Yeah that's my biggest thing, as long as I can get some sleep I'm sure I'll be able to deal with anything else! I'm constantly exhausted so far which was the same as I was with my little boy so fingers crossed this baby loves sleep as much as he does.

Cx

 

[ChloeNat]

My two were completely different but equally good in their own ways.

My daughter was a pretty moany baby and she was my first so I think I just got it into my head that that's what babies were like. She wasn't too tough but enough to be a bit of a challenge. I tried to breastfeed her and managed 9 weeks due to nursing strikes etc. By 6 months she was sleeping through though and we decided to try for another to have a close age gap.

We fell pregnant with my son when my daughter was 9 months old. Once he arrived he was such a happy chilled out baby. Never cried and would sleep really well but only in bed with me for the first 4 months. He was breastfed until he was 14 months and only started sleeping through after he turned 2.

The Mummy guilt is real. My daughter was 18 months when my son arrived and I felt so so horrible not being able to give her all of my attention. I can honestly say her attention was split when my son was born. Maybe she didn't feel it but I did. As my son got older though it became more routine and they now get equal attention. They are 3 and 4 now. They fight like cat and dog but love each other fiercely.

Looking forward to seeing who this little person is and how well they fit into our dynamic.

 

[Firsttimemumx]

I’m with you. My daughter was a dream slept through since 8 weeks never cried etc and I’m pregnant with baby number two due in March.. only time will tell but I’ve been told more often than I can count that this time I’m in for a shock.... fingers crossed I get another ‘good’ one!