WTF is wrong with me?!

[russellmuscle]

So its been just over a year that I have been split up with my ex of 9 years (FOB). I moved on quite quickly. A year down the line now I am thinking of nothing else except was breaking up my family worth what I have and all of the what ifs? FOB and I have always remained civil for the sake of J, we share care half each so it kind of needs to work good - but Im now asking myself if space was all we needed? Or am I yet again looking on what grass is better? I am actually getting angry at myself for not being able to make up my mind. All I want to do is settle and be happy!

This would all be easier if I didnt need to see FOB, however sharing a child doesnt help that. They werent kidding when they says when you have a child youd be tied for life are they?

HELP!?!?!?!?

RM x

 

[MrsS143]

You need to relook at why you split and ask whether anything has really changed
If half your time is free try maybe dating as you could just be feeling lonely x

 

[russellmuscle]

No the problem is, I have a boyfriend....... Nothing as serious as with FOB obviously. Even when Im with my current partner, Im sitting thinking, was THIS worth splitting up a family?

Why is life so complicated!? lol xx

 

[Mrs M]

It sounds to me as your new fb isn't the right one for you. You wouldn't have thoughts like this if he was. Maybe your ex isn't the answer either, but only you can make that decision x

 

[russellmuscle]

I know, its hard because when me and my current partner are going good im fine, im happy, i love him ... but then when we have like a few days weirdness im like, can i go on like this? was this worth it? ... today for example im happy everything is well, its so choppy changey atm! hate it!

xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

How are things now hun?

Are you feeling as though you actually want to get back with D? Or just missing the family unit?

Maybe these feelings are an indication that the current relationship isn't exactly what you want more than a sign you need to get back with D iyswim?

X

 

[TTT]

I think its quite normal to wonder if you did the right thing. Especially when you loved someone. I have been with my husband for nearly 8 years now, married 3, and I still occasionally think about my first love and have the odd dream about him. Then I remind myself why I broke it off and why it never worked, its just that he was my first love and I'll never forget that. My husband is amazing and it doesn't mean I want to get back with my ex but at one time I was confused about those feelings.

I also agree, you must not truly be happy with your current partner. Work your current relationship out before you even think about stating another with your ex, if that's even a possibility.

 

[russellmuscle]

D and I remain very cival, still get on very well. Been apart for 1.5 year now and its only now Im having these thoughts. I dont know if I just needed a break?

Currently my partner I think we have much more of a "connection" we get on well. But he also requires alot of work because Im his first serious girlfriend never mind one with a toddlder. He doesnt have the same views as me, I feel I need to be very patient with him but I still do love him? Hes just very self centered alot of the time. Where as now that me and D have been apart so long I find David has changed lots - I left D due to fighting and arguing and the fact I did literally everything with no appreciation. I then liked having everything all seperate ie my current partner and Jackson but now, I would like that family unit back. I dont really see myself having a family with my current partner but then it still is very early...

At the minute I am in the middle of moving and moving jobs, soooo its keeping me kinda grounded.

And actually just realised after writing this me and D would have been 10 years today! wow.

RM XO

 

[H16]

D and I remain very cival, still get on very well. Been apart for 1.5 year now and its only now Im having these thoughts. I dont know if I just needed a break?

Currently my partner I think we have much more of a "connection" we get on well. But he also requires alot of work because Im his first serious girlfriend never mind one with a toddlder. He doesnt have the same views as me, I feel I need to be very patient with him but I still do love him? Hes just very self centered alot of the time. Where as now that me and D have been apart so long I find David has changed lots - I left D due to fighting and arguing and the fact I did literally everything with no appreciation. I then liked having everything all seperate ie my current partner and Jackson but now, I would like that family unit back. I dont really see myself having a family with my current partner but then it still is very early...

At the minute I am in the middle of moving and moving jobs, soooo its keeping me kinda grounded.

And actually just realised after writing this me and D would have been 10 years today! wow.

RM XO

Personally I think if you never see yourself having a family with your current boyfriend than you probably don't see yourself having a future with him long term even without kids? I know you say it is early but from my experience when you are with someone and really inlove etc you think about the future even if you don't discuss it until later and even if you have not been together for years and years. You may care about him etc but if it isn't going anywhere he probably isn't the one?

I have thoughts about one of my ex's, wish I had done so many things differently etc and know for a fact if I had we would of been married with kids by now but it wasn't meant to be - he married someone else and I have made mistake after mistake ever since. If you really believe in your heart that you still love your ex and you want to make a go of it maybe you need to try and sus out if he still feels the same? I wouldn't rush into things though, just try talking etc and see how it goes as someone else said maybe you are just feeling lonely and craving that lifetime relationship that I think we all want deep down.

Relationships are so confusing and hard, know how you feel hun and hope things become clearer for you as time goes on x

 

[russellmuscle]

Me and my current do speak of the future, but I know its a longgggg way off, even if he doesnt think so. I wouldnt rush into anything but then atm I think Im just supposed to be in a unit? as thats what I want.

Perhaps because at the minute Ive been focusing on a new home, job and the only thing missing now is that wee bit of stability however I am very independent. God only knows what I want.. I feel like sometimes Im just waiting for something to go wrong?

My ex would have me back in a minute but then I dont know if thats whats grating on me aswell - the fact I know I have that option.

I wish men didnt exist sometimes hahaha xxxx

 

[H16]

Oh tell me about it, they cause us so many issues life would be much easier without these dilemmas lol. I think I am a lot like you in some ways if it makes you feel any better, I never really know what or who I want and always feel like something is not quite right. I have been told that I need my life to be complicated or I get bored and I really do think that is true for me haha! x

 

[JD.Deedee]

If it was me, I'd go back to FOB within seconds.. I know it's hard work the first two year with a kid, I don't think nothing prepares... My OH already had a teenage son when we had our now toddler... Seriously.. If it was easy for me to get out, I probably would've a long time ago.. Then again patience rewards... and things do take time..

That being said, you were together with your ex for quite a long time before having a child and I can see where you have doubts and how you can see it being far off with your current BF. My ex wasn't ready and I couldn't wait..

I think you really got to follow your heart and decide whether it's worth going back to your ex and work things out and prepare yourself on bits where he might never change... Or make the decision that your current BF is worth the wait but what does your heart say and not your head?

 

[russellmuscle]

The "current" bf hasnt been my bf for a few months now... I have moved and am focusing on me and LO. FOB has helped me decorate the flat etc has been a huge help these past few months so, hes still in the mix lol xxx

 

[kumber]

I hope you don't mind but I've been following this thread throughout (although didn't realise there was a recent update) as i found that your unsurity in what was your current relationship was quite resonant with me and hubby. Different situations as I was unsure of relationship with FOB but I found it comforting that I wasn't the only one struggling with deciding on whether a relationship was right or not.

I'm glad that you've come to a decision that was right for you