Need to get this off my chest...

[Jaxx01]

Im sat here in tears at the moment because...well...Im not sure really...

Mixture of everything I think...Ive lost my best friend over a petty squabble about 4 months ago and she doesnt have a clue what has happened in my life since then, ie losing my baby, then falling pregnant before my next af then FOB leaving me when I was 5 weeks pregnant..

I have beent hrough such a rollercoaster of emotions in the last few month, a MC and a new pregnancy, and I think the bottom line is Im just lonely

I have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship - and once he goes to bed Im just here shattered (im anemic) and hormonal lol and lonely

I dont really have anyone I can talk to in RL as 1) no one I know has been through a MC and 2) They are all so bus in their own lives and 3) I guess I hate admitting that Ive failed as I never seem to get it right lol

Anyway, sorry for the pointless post just needed to get it off my chest xx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Is there anyway you can make up with your best friend? x.

 

[nik106]

Can i ask, why do you think you've failed?

 

[Jaxx01]

No some pretty horrible things were said between me and my best friend dont think theres any gfoing back...I just sent her a message expalining how I feel we sahll see.

I feel a bit like a failure because I can never seem tto get it right.. had so many failed relationships, split from my sons dad when he was 8 months old, met this new guy who wasnt right for me either so now I have a 3 year old and one on the way and no partner I know I can give my kids all the love they need, thats not where ive failed...I guess because my sister has her perfect family, with her fiance and two kids and I just seem to always mess up...

I think Im just feeling really hormonal and tired today, Ive tried to hold it together since my ex left but its all starting to get me down a bit cc

 

[Kerrykins]

Oh Jaxx I really feel for you and hope that you see things brighter soon. You have been through a lot so it's no wonder you are feeling like that..........

I can relate to the best friend thing - same for me, I do miss having a girlfriend to chat with about everything, but you know what, for me at least, I know that it was the right thing because she just drained me. I'm 35 and she's 28 but it was like looking after a child lurching from one drama to another.

Just think of all the new friends that you can make at mum and baby clubs etc once LO is here - at least they will relate to you too.

Big hugs

K xxx

 

[nik106]

I agree with you, you're prob feeling a bit crappy and hormonal. I don't think you've failed, maybe made some poor choices with your exes but it doesn't make you a failure. I bet your sister's perfect family isn't as perfect on the inside as they seem on the outside, they'll have their niggles, they just may not tell you about them!

Having a partner/husband/fiance etc and a small child and a baby on the way doesn't make your life perfect, it doesn't make it so you've succeeded in life. Say you'd stayed with him to raise the baby, would you have been happy 5 years down the line? Maybe but then again maybe not. If you were unhappy, would your kids be happy living in an unhappy home?

Now look it on the flipside, yes you're unhappy at the moment, but life's dealt you with a half crappy hand - i say half because although you've been through all this, which is crappy, the baby on the way isn't. But this unhappiness will pass, and in the meantime, is your little boy happy? Will your new baby be happy? I'm going to go with "yes" for both of those as you've already said you can provide them with all the love they need. In my book, that's a way bigger success than whether you've bagged the perfect guy, in fact, just getting rid of the imperfect guy is a bigger success than staying with one who isn't right for you and your boys!

Oh, and without those idiots, you're free to go and meet YOUR perfect guy, the one who'll love you unconditionally, who'll support you through everything and who won't give a rat's ass that you already have kids because he'll love them as much as you do

 

[Jaxx01]

Thanks girls..Nik that was a lovely reply thank you xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh good thoughts Nik!

Jax I think I had better get my backside in gear and get that coffee organised with you, struggling with older kids cover in holidays, not bringing them with me... !! sounds like you need a good rant to a good listener like me and a cuppa!!

Don't believe that every other mum is all roses and fairy dust, we are all just muddling through, and god Ive made some shocking desicions and choices in my life!! We are all only human. Unfortunately I continue to do so, but I do try to learn from the last one - sometimes it works! sometimes not - durr

Will text you n a few days , howabout maybee monday or tuesday next week for cofeee, ill just have Devon!