wow I feel extremely down about family :(

[katyloumc]

My dad died in an accident at work when I was 11, and my mam done a great job bringing me and my 3 older brothers up.

Trouble is has been living with the mong of a man for a few years. Me and my brothers dont like him. He hasnt done anything specificaly wrong he just talks complete and utter bull, has caused arguements, makes horrible comments, smokes non stop (my mam smokes but no where near as much as him), he has no respect for how people feel, thinks that he is my dad and sends weird texts like ''your just like a daughter to me, i'm your dad''??!!!!, drinks far too much (and I've known him to drink drive). the list goes on and on I just cant stand him and its got to the point where I dont want to go to my mams because he's there.

Trouble is my mam cant see all of this.

We all went out on to a beer garden with my nieces and nephews etc on Sunday because my brother came home for the weekend. He sat and blew smoke in my face and my young nephew was toddling around him and he wasnt even thinking about his cigarette. He sat and talked shit to me with the more drink he had. Telling me he wanted to come to any hospital appointments I might have etc. VOM! I had to move away in the end.

ANYWAY! Since then I've just been so upset thinking how it all ended up this way its just so horrible, and I had a dream with my dad telling me not to leave the baby around him without me being there!!! So I know I'll never let her sleep over and this makes me really sad, I want my mam to have a good relationship with her but he is just spoiling everything.

Sorry big rant but I keep filling up thinking about it

 

[Jess.]

Maybe you could have a word with your mum about the smoking and drinking mention that you wouldn't feel safe leaving baby there with him, and that you don't like coming round because you don't want to breathe it in maybe they could go outside when you're there?
I've fallen out with my mum a few times because I told her is she doesn't stop smoking and drinking all the time she's having nothing to do with the baby, bit harsh I know but it's needed she's a piss head with a problem. I know it's not the same because he's not your actual dad but didn't want to read and run.
You're not on your own xx

 

[MrsTopher]

I have a similar case with an uncle hun, I know its not the same but awkward non the less. At the end of the day, you're 'mum' and you know best and only want the best for your new bubba, that includes doing the best for them while they're still cocooned inside!

Have a gentle word hun and fingers crossed she'll understand where you're coming from. Hope it all goes smoothly for you hun. Xx

 

[katyloumc]

The thing is my mam is such a soft person I dont want to upset her and I'm scared of making her feel so bad. At the end of the day we have all grown up and getting on with our lives leaving her on her own. I dont want to ruin her life if she feels happy. Because of this we have all just let her get on with it. She knows we arent massively keen on him and I've mentioned the smoking before and when we were out on sunday.

I know my mam wouldnt smoke in the house if she had the baby and before hand. But I know he would, he done it on christmas day before my nephew had arrived and I told him to get lost otherwise my brother and wife would just walk straight back out. He just made snide comments.

I'll bring up the smoking again nearer the time, she wants to have her when I go back to work which I would be really happy about as long as he didnt smoke in the house before he goes out to work. If he wasnt out working the baby wouldnt be going.

God if he wasnt in the picture it would be wonderful!

 

[MrsTopher]

I'm sure she'd put her grand child first and if he's worth anything he'll respect your wishes. Hopefully she'd put her foot down with him too! Xx

 

[katyloumc]

He's not worth anything and wouldnt respect my wishes! He's a complete tool.

Thanks Ladies, just feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all - hormones probably playing a big part in it!!

 

[MrsTopher]

If ever you want to vent hun, just pm me if you want, I may not have advice but I have an ear to listen. X

 

[katyloumc]

ah thanks thats very kind xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I think your mum wil have to have her relationshipwith your baby at your house on your terms and without him, your prob not going to get away with not having a conversation with her on it , but even if it upsets her a little its an inportant conversation to have as its upsetting you so she can be aware of your feelings too xx

 

[katyloumc]

Yeah I'v thought about that, I'll be asking her to come over to ours to see the baby or watch her if we ever get to have a night out! Even when she's older I'll still definately won't have her staying over. He creeps me out. Its sad because I would like her to have that relationship where she likes to sleep at her nanas and I know my mam would love that. As long as he's around it won't happen.

I'll have to pluck up the courage soon I think, when I've decided what hours I'll be working when I go back I'll start off with 'you can have her when I'm at work but ONLY if there's no smoke at all in the house even the night before....!' Then I'll move on to everything else :/