Wound up

[LoopyLouize]

I think all the colic, lack of sleep, lack of help from OH, lack of being able to leave the house is really starting to take its toll on me. I have managed to go all this time and cope with all the screaming and being alone without crying or feeling sorry for myself. Everybody is always saying they admire me and how I manage with it all on my own. But I don't think I am managing any more. I feel really teary today and just want to be able to have a minute to myself. Even to just have a bath in peace. We have just moved house's which doesn't help with my stress levels! You can't put her down without her screaming. The only way to comfort her is by lying her on her side with her belly against mine. This is literally the only thing that works so I can never put her down or get anything done!

OH works away the majority of the time and is only home on Friday evenings and then usually goes away again on Monday mornings. Of which you would think I could have a break and some me time.. Nope, he fecks of out all Saturday until mid afternoon at the gym and spending time with his best mate. Then he goes outside to clean his beloved cars. Sunday we tend to go shopping and then to visit his parents. He has been working quite local this week so has been coming home at 5pm, going straight on his xbox, whilst I cook tea and serve it, clean up, make up all the fresh bottles, etc etc, I actually have to beg him to take her of me to feed her or change her nappy.

I know it doesn't sound all that bad, but I just can't help but feel alone! This weekend I already know I am spending it all alone again as he is taking his parents to the airport, then going the gym, then going washing his cars again etc etc etc. I am tempted to just do a disappearing act on Sunday and leave him with Harlow to show him how difficult it can be.

Sorry for the moan, no need to reply, just needed to rant x

 

[positivity :)]

I think it does sound that bad. You have done really well to get to now without either walking out the door or breaking down. Having a new baby is the hardest thing i have ever done and i know Harlow is suffering with colic and not being put down easily, soo stressful.

If you don't sort this out you won't be able to keep doing this. You cannot bare full continuous responsibility and care, its simply unfair. i cannot believe he is going out all Saturday and just leaving you to it. Have you tried to talk to him about it? xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

My OH works away a lot too and recently he's been going out when he's home. If you try and say anything to him he snaps, so I sent him an email (sounds really strange but...) I don't think he realised I had these issues (as I'm bfing and Tyler doesn't take a bottle I don't get a break either, just in a different way iykwim) writing an email gave me the chance to edit it so it wasn't having a go it was sharing what I thought and helped me say it in a non aggressive way. When he got it he was shocked and sounded upset the I'd taken the time to email him and I felt the way I did. He's now making the effort to spend quality time with me and the baby which is what I wanted and he's enjoying it!

I know it's not an answer to Harlow's colic and you coping but it might help him understand?

 

[Mrs. KM]

I think it does sound that bad. You have done really well to get to now without either walking out the door or breaking down. Having a new baby is the hardest thing i have ever done and i know Harlow is suffering with colic and not being put down easily, soo stressful.

If you don't sort this out you won't be able to keep doing this. You cannot bare full continuous responsibility and care, its simply unfair. i cannot believe he is going out all Saturday and just leaving you to it. Have you tried to talk to him about it? xx

Wss^. It's like you're a single parent. When your oh is home he shoukd be taking care of Harlow at least half of the time. Talk to him and hopefully he understands! Xx

 

[Nic36]

It sounds like you are coping really well with a really difficult and stressful situation. Your OH really needs to take some responsibility for his daughter and give you a bit of 'me time.' when he is home. There is only so much you can take...
I am finding things really tough and spend a lot of the day either crying or feeling like it, and honestly the only thing that gets me through is knowing that my hubby will take Emily for a few hours when he is home to give me a break.
Having a baby is much much much harder than I thought it would be and sleep deprivation makes coping so much harder.
Have you spoken with your OH about how you are feeling?
Big hugs... Xx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Thanks ladies, I feel so much better knowing I am not alone!

I have mentioned it to OH and he says "I pay £35 a month for a gym membership so I am going to use it" . I try and argue that its ok for him, he just comes and goes as he pleases and also gets a break when he is working away (I know he is still working but he gets to spend his evenings in hotels... I would love a decent nights sleep in a hotel!!!!! Bloody hell, id sleep in a tent for a full nights sleep!!)

He has arranged for us to go to his mums for tea which I really don't want to. I just want to be alone. I feel like telling him to take Harlow and I will stay home but then I look ignorant to his parents. I am so tempted though. I just need some me time! He is going to the gym first so will only be back at 7 and then I have to take Harlow out the house and more than likely will only be back at 10pm. Once again selfish act on his behalf.

When I finally get a chance to sit down and do what you did Princess, I will write him an email. We never get a chance to talk to each other in person anymore so I think this is the only way.

I am planning a girls night out next month too just to give me a night of. He wont have a bloody choice in the matter either so he WILL be looking after her!
x

 

[Nic36]

I am planning a girls night out next month too just to give me a night of. He wont have a bloody choice in the matter either so he WILL be looking after her!
x

good for you! You should make it a regular event!

 

[Verity2011]

Awwww Lou, I really sympathise. I'm in a similar situation with my DH but for different reasons. I hope you find some way of talking to him, I'm at a complete loss with mine xxxxx

 

[vickib_1984]

Your doing so well Louise but I agree your oh needs to pull his finger out even if he watches her while you have a soak in the bath, hope you manage to get him to understand through the email as its clearly worked for Becky xxx

 

[jojo_2012]

I feel your pain, so can I join in this rant business??!

OH works 7 days a week running his own business, hasn't had a day off since baby was born. Then he comes home and goes straight on the laptop looking at cars to buy or playing bloody poker. The only time he spends with baby is when he rocks him in his bouncy chair while I cook HIS dinner!

Now if he didn't live with us we'd be happy with beans on toast once a week, maybe the occasional ready meal, but no I have to cook everything from scratch it's like doing a full roast dinner every night. The worst bit is he doesn't pay for anything, no rent, bills, shopping ANYTHING because his business hasn't taken off yet (it never will), so he's got a live in maid and 3 COOKED meals a day for free. He doens't help me at all.

We've had my dad's trailer for 4 weeks to clear the garden ready for summer, after all this time waiting I've been doing it myself tonight because unless it's in his own interest he just doesn't give a shit. I won't be writing any emails but he'll be getting beans on toast as soon as this lot of shopping runs out because I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my maternity pay on him got better things to spend it on

 

[Hunnie]

I think you need to make plans and tell OH that you are sticking to them and that you need time away regardless of what he is doing. My escape is going to the stables and every Sunday morning I leave Sophie with OH, regardless of whether he moans because it's the only day off that he has a week and I want my free time!

What have you tried for the colic? Colief? What milk is she on? Have you tried colic massage? Warm baths? Dr browns bottles? How old is harlow?
Sophie really struggled with it and I think I tried everything! I felt like I was at rock bottom quite a few times and then she just suddenly started to get better and I now have every evening to myself and it is bliss, but in the first few weeks I convinced myself it would never get any better xxxxxx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Harlow cried from 8am yesterday until 1am the next morning none stop. No sleep in-between! OH came home from work and he must have realised how desperate I was for help so he told me to go to bed at 10pm and he sat up with her until 1am in the morning. I still never got to sleep as I could hear her continuous high pitched crying but just having a break from her was nice. OH actually said to me this morning he is sorry and he knows now how upsetting she can make you as he got stressed out with her from that 3 hours with her on his own.

I have booked another doctors appointment and taking her to the doctors at dinner time as I can't go on with this and I think the problem is more than just colic. Surely crying for over 16 hours a day inconsolably isn't right? I tried absolutely EVERYTHING with her. She has had dentinox, infacol, gripe water, cow and gate formula, aptimal formula, back to cow and gate, then put on cow and gate comfort, now on colief drops, massaged her, bathed her, Dr Browns Bottles.. I am out of options!

 

[Mrs. KM]

Have they considered that she may have a milk allergy or is lactose intolerant? I have heard that that is often a cause of colic. I feel so bad for you! Hugs!

 

[Sleepy sue]

(((hugs))) I can't offer any advise but I know what sleep deprivation feels like!!
Really hope your OH books his ideas up and supports you more x

 

[Hope81]

Louise does she stop crying if you put her in the warm bath? And nope I don't think that 16 h of crying are normal. I hope they can help her somehow.

 

[Rachaellius]

that must have been so awful! I was told by my HV that you should seek medical advise after 4 hours of solid crying so its defo worth getting her checked over. I'd ask about the milk intolerance too. I hope she settles down for you soon xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Really hope she's ok! Glad you had a little break!

 

[vickib_1984]

16hours of continuous crying isn't right at all really hope you get somewhere with your Drs today xxx