Why do I feel like this?

[tiaflame]

I don't know why but the past few days I keep reliving my labour and birth experience. And it's making me so sad. After having an emergency section after getting to 9.5cm and just on gas and air, I am now feeling like a failure and cheated of real birth.
I know they had to do what they had to do to get my baby here safe and I am thankful of that but I can't help how I feel right now. I am wondering if its normal?
I love my son to bits and wouldn't change him for the world but I wonder if I have truly bonded with him. The first time I saw him he was wrapped up in a blanket, they didn't do skin to skin and I didn't get to hold him until he was around 4 hours old after he had to go to scbu for antibiotics and after I had been sorted out.
This sounds terrible but I still don't feel like he's my baby and he is nearly 8 weeks old, Which I know is ridiculous and I feel stupid for saying it.
I can't say I gave birth to him because I didn't, he was removed from me and the first few minutes/hours were not how I imagined they were going to be. I know I can't change any of this but I was wondering if any of you c section mummies have ever felt the same and does it go away? Xx


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[Pippa1703]

Hi, didn't want to read and run. I've not experienced a c section, bit I have heard very similar stories before. I promise you, it does go away. You DID birth your child, not vaginally as you'd hope but it is a birth nonetheless. It's your voice he knows like no one else's, your smell and even the taste of your food via the breast if that's how you choose to feed.

Talk about how you feel sweetheart, you're not alone at all and when a moment you think about for years or months doesn't go as you plan, it's bound to knock you for six.

It will pass, but until then, speak about it to friends and family or a doctor, no one will think you're awful, quite the opposite!

You are your babies only mother hun, this feeling will pass xxxxxx

 

[tiaflame]

Hi, didn't want to read and run. I've not experienced a c section, bit I have heard very similar stories before. I promise you, it does go away. You DID birth your child, not vaginally as you'd hope but it is a birth nonetheless. It's your voice he knows like no one else's, your smell and even the taste of your food via the breast if that's how you choose to feed.

Talk about how you feel sweetheart, you're not alone at all and when a moment you think about for years or months doesn't go as you plan, it's bound to knock you for six.

It will pass, but until then, speak about it to friends and family or a doctor, no one will think you're awful, quite the opposite!

You are your babies only mother hun, this feeling will pass xxxxxx

Aww thank you lovely words, that's made me cry. It's the first time I've spoken about it because I don't want people to think I've lost the plot lol. Xxx


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[Em91]

I felt the same hun did it all on gas and air then ended up with an emergency c sec she was on distress. You still Carried your Lo for 9months. And he's still completely reliant on his mummy.
You did the best thing for your lo. Zx
XhugsX

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[tiaflame]

I felt the same hun did it all on gas and air then ended up with an emergency c sec she was on distress. You still Carried your Lo for 9months. And he's still completely reliant on his mummy.
You did the best thing for your lo. Zx
XhugsX

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I know it was completely the best thing for him and me, as the infection in my womb would not have been picked up if not for the c- section and as the amniotic fluid was also infected, we both could have been very poorly- doesn't bare thinking about. Xx


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[Pippa1703]

You're welcome hun, as his mother, anything you're thinking or feeling is worth discussing. Don't ever think what your feeling isn't worth talking about.
If your mind is at peace, baby will be even happier
it might take a while, but it will absolutely happen. Take your time, have as much skin to skin as you can and enjoy YOUR new bubba,
Wishing you the best chick xxx

 

[tiaflame]

You're welcome hun, as his mother, anything you're thinking or feeling is worth discussing. Don't ever think what your feeling isn't worth talking about.
If your mind is at peace, baby will be even happier
it might take a while, but it will absolutely happen. Take your time, have as much skin to skin as you can and enjoy YOUR new bubba,
Wishing you the best chick xxx

Thanks Hun. That's made me feel a whole lot better. My oh doesn't understand and tbh he is just pissing me right off tonight
You have a lovely way with words xxx

 

[Bluebell]

It doesn't matter how you gave birth.. He is your own flesh and blood!
My first ds was born via forceps and was very traumatic I suffered with flashbacks, panic attacks, was slow to bond with him and later was diagnosed with pnd which I believe was from the traumatic birth! I now have a 3 week old who was born via elective c section (at my request due to my previous birth) and I feel I've bonded much quicker.
Sometimes it takes time to bond. If you still feel the same in a week or two talk to gp or hv. xx

 

[tiaflame]

It doesn't matter how you gave birth.. He is your own flesh and blood!
My first ds was born via forceps and was very traumatic I suffered with flashbacks, panic attacks, was slow to bond with him and later was diagnosed with pnd which I believe was from the traumatic birth! I now have a 3 week old who was born via elective c section (at my request due to my previous birth) and I feel I've bonded much quicker.
Sometimes it takes time to bond. If you still feel the same in a week or two talk to gp or hv. xx

How do you know if you've bonded? I love him and would do anything for him but I don't know how I'm meant to feel? See I feel stupid saying that ( xx

 

[Bluebell]

I remember with my first ds feeling like he wasn't mine to begin with I knew he was but them feeling just werent there! it took time, eventually things improved and they will for you too. It's an emotional time with all them hormones xx

 

[Constantstar]

I had the same experience with Owen. Emergency c section and wrapped in a blanket and whisked away. I didn't see him till next day ; ( felt a bit weird like he wasn't mine but everything was fine after a while it takes time x

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[Pippa1703]

It doesn't matter how you gave birth.. He is your own flesh and blood!
My first ds was born via forceps and was very traumatic I suffered with flashbacks, panic attacks, was slow to bond with him and later was diagnosed with pnd which I believe was from the traumatic birth! I now have a 3 week old who was born via elective c section (at my request due to my previous birth) and I feel I've bonded much quicker.
Sometimes it takes time to bond. If you still feel the same in a week or two talk to gp or hv. xx

How do you know if you've bonded? I love him and would do anything for him but I don't know how I'm meant to feel? See I feel stupid saying that ( xx

Please dont feel stupid! You hear of this sudden lightenin bolt of overwhelming love as soon as your baby is handed to you. For you, that moment was taken away so it's understandable that the experience might have been tainted.
Try not to take OHs comments to heart, his experience won't have been too different to what he expected so he may not understand how you feel.
. As a mother, those first minutes and hours should be your time, afterall it's what the last 9months were all about, and I get that you might feel cheated out of it. But that wasn't your fault, or baby's.
A shaky start, plus a massive overload of emotion and hormones can't help. You expect your baby to need YOU more than anything or anyone in those first moments of birth, yet your baby needed someone else at that specific moment for specific (albeit medical) reasons. That may contribute to the feeling if him not 'feeling like yours'? Because he didn't 'need' you straight away, so to speak?

I might be talking rubbish. I'm no expert. I'm curretly TTC for the first time so can't contribute any first hand advice. I just know that it's not unusual or monstrous to not feel like super-maternal-woman the instant your baby is passed to you.

Its not a taboo. I hate to think that you're beating yourself up over it when these feelings are quite common. xx

I really would consult a doctors if you still feel low/separated in a week or so xxx

 

[tiaflame]

Awww thanks again Hun. You should be a counsellor, you really do have a way with words.
That's the thing I did feel overwhelming love for him when I held him for that first time because that was something I had worried I wouldn't feel as I wasn't feeling maternal at all! I even felt fine about the c section even tho I was gutted I'd fine all the hard work lol, but it's only been these last few days where I've started replaying the day in my mind- I don't know why I'm doing that tbh!!
I think your right tho, I will give it a couple more weeks and I will speak to someone about it. Thanks Hun xxxxx

 

[tiaflame]

I remember with my first ds feeling like he wasn't mine to begin with I knew he was but them feeling just werent there! it took time, eventually things improved and they will for you too. It's an emotional time with all them hormones xx

Thanks at least I know I'm normal- ish lol xx

 

[tiaflame]

I had the same experience with Owen. Emergency c section and wrapped in a blanket and whisked away. I didn't see him till next day ; ( felt a bit weird like he wasn't mine but everything was fine after a while it takes time x

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I'm really glad to hear that someone else has felt the same. Oh I bet that was awful not seeing him until the next day xx

 

[tiaflame]

As for my OH he got the best bit, that first hold and first feed, cut the cord and I'm really glad he got to do all of that if I was unable. Maybe I'm a little jealous of that subconsciously? It did melt my heart to see them together though, so I doubt it xx

 

[Gayle30]

Awe hun you should have said if you were struggling here any time for you.
Xxx

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[tiaflame]

Awe hun you should have said if you were struggling here any time for you.
Xxx

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I know but you've got your own problems Hun, you don't need mine as well. Xxx

 

[willowwisp]

If your having flash backs hun then you should be aware, if your not already, that women can suffer PTSD as a result of traumatic birthing experiences. If it doesn't pass, starts to affect you more or you feel you need some support then you should definitely see your GP.

What your saying is entirely normal, LOTS of women go through the same thing. There was a lady in hospital when I was who was feeling like her baby wasn't hers, they weren't at all worried about it, just offered her extra support and assured her it would pass.

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember your hormones are still crazy and will be heavily influencing how you feel.

 

[tiaflame]

If your having flash backs hun then you should be aware, if your not already, that women can suffer PTSD as a result of traumatic birthing experiences. If it doesn't pass, starts to affect you more or you feel you need some support then you should definitely see your GP.

What your saying is entirely normal, LOTS of women go through the same thing. There was a lady in hospital when I was who was feeling like her baby wasn't hers, they weren't at all worried about it, just offered her extra support and assured her it would pass.

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember your hormones are still crazy and will be heavily influencing how you feel.

No I wasn't aware of that if I'm honest, but I wouldn't really class it as traumatic iykwim, it's just a really weird feeling. I feel like someone is going to come and say its time to give him back now- it's odd!
I sound like I don't love him- maybe I'm coming across wrong- I love him so much it makes me cry just to look at him now snuggled into my chest with his arm round my neck.
I'm just being daft and need to pulls self together!
Thanks for all your replies, it's helped xxx