whos name to give baby?

[kerryp]

hi, sorry for asking but has anyone else been in or are they in this situation..... me & my other half are expecting our 1st child in sept (was a big shock) but we arent yet married (which i would have prefered to be honest)... but one thing is playing on my mind.
whos surname do i give the baby once it is born?

I automatically thought his, but now im having feelings of being left out (already) because ill have a different name The other halfs sister-in-law says i should give it my name because then he will realise that in order to be a family with one name we will need to get married. BUT part of me thinks this is because she is also expecting her first 2 weeks after us & wants to produce the 1st grandchild with their surname. If i did give it my name, surely this would cause more work than needed to change the babies name over if/when we did get married.

I automatically thought of giving it his name so all that "work" is already done for if/when the day happens... but will MY insecurities go away if we go down this route?

I dont want to discuss it with the OH incase he thinks im being daft at not feeling included.

Is this making sense? Anyone any ideas?
Thanks.

 

[Miss.Monroe]

well me and my OH have been together for 6 years this coming June and are not married. i changed my second name by deed poll a couple of years back simply because i wanted to. i dont see why a baby should automatically get the mans second name, and i feel its a bit outdated.

so we have gone for double barreled, as far as i can see we both made the baby and we both have shared responsability, so why shouldnt our daughter have both our second names to become one person who is half her dad and half her mum?

hope this helps somewhat? xxx

 

[millylillyrose]

i think if you intend to be together and marry at some point, then it would be easier to give baby his name. Untill baby goes to school you probably wont be dealing with second names etc except for at doctors.

But its down to you, your insecurities might go away or get worse, but if i were in your situation, i think i would want baby to have the fathers name, perhaps its silly traditional thinking.

 

[kerryp]

we both have long surnames so doing that isnt practical.
I didnt think of it as the baby "having to have" his surname, it was more a natural decision at first until my pregnant brain has gone into insecure overdrive.
we've been together over 5 years & can see ourselves married in the future but it what to do in the meantime thats got me thinking...

 

[mary70]

my kids have both our sir names and when we got married last year me and my husband double barrelled ours to so my married name is batham-tomkins

 

[Strangeness]

I wasn't married when we had our son but I knew we were going to get married in the not too distant future so our son had my dh's surname. It just made things easier and I'm quite old fashioned in thinking that the baby should have daddy's name unless you're not together or never planning to get married. We got married 7 months later so sped it up a bit.

 

[claire2711]

hiya!

me and OH are engaged, and will get married at some point but will be after baba is born.I'm in the same situation as u.... I'm going to give our baby his name, and I think I might just change my name by deed poll. i dont want to feel "left out" either, and think this might happen if baby has his family name and i have a different one.
hope this helps!!!


does anyone know what the easiest way to change ur name by deed poll is?

cheers gals!!Xxxxx

 

[mandspice]

It's always felt natural for me to give our baby OH's surname - double barrelled wouldn't work with our names and I live in hope that we'll get married one day anyway But even if we don't it wouldn't worry me if it was different to bubs' to be honest xx

 

[Sherlock]

It is much easier to change the baby's name to the father's surname later on, than change it back to the mothers surname should your present situation change.

I am married and never took my husbands surname. I preferred to keep my own. Our child is going to have double barrelled but in day to day life will only use my husbands surname, which works for both of us. We wanted to embrace both familes heritage (his Australian, mine English and Spanish)

I never felt any pressing need to take my husbands surname and he didn't mind in the least I wanted to keep my own, in fact he was supportive of it. Its who I am.

Many women are happy to change their surname when marrying however. It works for them so Personal choice at the end of the day.

There is also deed poll to consider for yourself, so you all share the same surname without being married. But then if you and your OH did part ways and you wanted to change your name back to your maiden name and also change your childs, it would be more problematic to change the childs name then.

Hope that makes sense

 

[Tick-Tock]

Our baby will have his surname... I feel like I will always have a connection by giving birth and its nice for OH to have the connection with the name.

I went to a wedding at the weekend where the child had the mothers surname and the husband has now changed his name to be the same!

I have friends who have put their surname as a middle name or double-barrelled it. This won't work for us as our child initials would be xWC or xW-C, don't really want him/her named after a toilet!!!!

J
XX

 

[sarafet]

oh and i aren't married either and we had this problem at the start.

so we decided that baby will have oh's surname but we are adding my surname and my mums maiden name as middle names.. (only on birth certificate..) so he'll be known as 'baby dunsmore' - not 'baby bolland hawthorne dunsmore'

i think that way everyone is happy and oh and i will eventually get married anyways, but this way it keep the 3 names in the family regardless

 

[kalia]

LO will have OH's surname as I think it's nicer than mine (mine is Smith). If I didn't like his surname LO would have mine.

I don't want to get married at all but I could happily change my name by deed poll if my child doesn't like that we have different names.

The weird thing in my eyes now is that in hospital baby has to be labelled with the mum's last name - so the baby hospital tags will have a different name from my baby

 

[fuffins1981]

My sons dad and I split when I was three months pregnant. he wanted my son to have his surname. But I decided against that, as we had no intention of ever getting back together...and alas, didn't.

So, Tyler has his dads first name as one of his middle names. And my birth name as his surname.

My surname is not my birth name lol...My mom got married when i was 5 and changed it to her husbands name. This was done by the Justice of peace. So, all i need do is rip unp the paper to claim back my birth surname. Though by now it's on my bank account, certificates, rent account etc.

My moms surname was my birth name. So she thought. When she went to get married, she found my nan had given her the surname of her first husband.

So, in my family, we all have mixed up surnames. Nobody seems to have their parents surnames.

My partner now wants the baby to have his surname...Which to me simply complicates things further!lol

Anyway, to get to the point....If you do seriously plan to get married and your relationship is still strong, then it seems natural to use OH's surname. But if the situation is anything other, it will take some more consideration.

 

[Mildly]

My OH and I aren't married and probably won't marry. LO will have his name because him is nicer sounding and first names are sounding better with it

We have decided that any kids we have will have his surname but all animals will have my surname in order to balance things out

I know surnames matter to some people so I would go for what your heart says. Although perhaps if you do intend to get married soonish it wouldn't be a bad idea to give your LO your OH's name. I wrote in another thread that Shakespeare said it best when he wrote 'a rose by any other name would smell as sweet'

 

[nori]

Hiya,

Im having the same concerns as you and actually posted in the Baby Names forum. I've decided to go with my OH surname but if we arent married by the time the baby goes to school i will have a re-think! lol

Claire x

 

[MaryLouise]

I'm in a very similar situation but have decided that the baby will have his/her dad's name. We do plan to get married one day but even if we weren't thinking that way I would still want to do it this way afterall the baby will always be his child as well as mine. It is a little old fashioned to think this way I spose but most kids have got their dads name, I did and so do all of my friends and family, I spose I just think its nice to keep some things traditional, the babies father will be on the birth certificate forever more and this is a joint experience. My OH feels left out over some things like feeling movement etc and I spose I will with others but I think with this decision as long as you are both agreed on whatever you decide then its fine to choose whichever name your happy with

 

[Sydneysmum]

My first son has a double barelled name - mine and my ex-husbands's. This baby will also have a double barelled name - mine and my partner's, so at least the siblings will have a name in common (mine) even if they have different dads.

We intend to get married some time in the near future and I've discussed doing what Sherlock has done, keeping my own name. I love my family name and even when I was married the first time round and changed my name, it didn't really feel like mine - so I changed it back.

I understand you can't have a double barelled name because you both have long names but perhaps you could put both on the birth certificate and use only one for everyday?

 

[nickilubs]

I am going to give my babe my OH's last name and for my 21st I am changing my last name to his. We are very close and I really cant see us splitting up so I am confident that this will work as I am going to take his name when we get married anyway. When I told him he was so happy. To me when we get married I would take his last name anyway I may as well do it now. It may sound stupid to alot of people but I want us to have the same last name even if I stay a "Miss" because I just think it in a way shows to people on the outside (although their opinions shouldn't matter) that we are a family. Also OH's last name is nice and I wouldn't want my poor baby having to have mine haha!

 

[kerryp]

plucked up the courage to discuss it with the Oh when ive just got in from work... he told me i have nothing to worry about for our future & he would prefer it if we used his surname. He had a glint in his eye that said dont ask anymore so maybe things will change once baby is born. I made him think about how he would feel if baby had my surname instead. He has felt left out in the whole pregnancy thing so far & is having trouble coming to terms with it ( as it was a suprise) so im def going along with my 1st thoughts & will give it his name... hopefully im going to have a homebirth so wont have to go through the my surname on name bands thing we've decided that the sister in law made me think too hard about this coz she wants to have the first grandchild with their family name (we pee'd on her bonfire by being forced into admitting we were pregnant when they announced it as well)

thanks for all the replies though, it did give me food for thought.
x

 

[Redshoes]

So glad to hear you spoke to OH about it, as its only you and him that it matters for You will always be his parents regardless, and I hope whatever is decided you are all happy with it