whinging again, sorry!

[Layla]

i know your prob all sick of hearing my problems by now, but this is the only place i feel i can let them out.

I feel so crap lately, i dont feel like im good enough to be Jases wife or Cobys mum.
Coby is very clingy and if im out of his sight for more than a few seconds he crys, he either has to be on my hip on be able to see me at all time and its so draining, its getting to the point where i look forward to him going to bed just so i can have time out.
he is such a good baby, dont get me wrong, hes full of smiles and laughs alot, i just seem to be the focas of all his attention and its hard work.
I didnt want him to be like this, i tryied so hard not to pick him up when he wanted but it seems hes has got his own way in teh end.

also, i saw my ex best mate today, she is now engaged to my ex boyfriend and is very happy, she said hi to me and i really had to stop myself from crying in front of her, i said congrats and smiled.
i miss her so much, i cant belive i walked away from her, im so stupid.

another thing is im so up and down, one min im doing great, i dont need her, im happy, trying for another baby etc and the next im doubting if i want another baby, feeling bad for jase coz we have got in to debt since he met me, wnting my mate back and just genraly feeling a failuar.

im just so tired right now, not from lack of sleep, coby sleeps 11 hours a night, just tired of my life i guess, even tho i love the poeple in it,

see?! i dont make sense, this is going on in my head all day everyday, one min im fine, teh next im not, the next im trying to justify things, the next im fighting.

i wish i knew what it is that i want or need to make me happy again

 

[Urchin]

Awww Layla call your friend!

It's sounds like you've got over the Ex Factor (LOL) now and would like to be her mate again. If you can just get past the ex thing and call her, I'm sure she'll be pleased to be in touch with you again. We're all going through the ups and downs at the moment, it's hard bringing up a little one, and even harder if you haven't got a mate to call when it's all getting on top of you.

Brody has also been very clingy...2 mins on his playmat and he's bored and wants me to pick him up. He gets so frustrated he tries to play with all his toys and just ends up pushing them all out of reach!
Today I bought a new baby gym, it's a "sparkle and spin" thing from Toys R Us. I only bought it today and it's worth it's 20 quid already...he's literally played with it all afternoon!
Maybe you can find coby something similar.

 

[Layla]

i have spent so much money trying to find something coby likes

i brought him the hop n pop thing and hes bored of that already!

as for my mate, i really want to call her, i really do, but i wont handle it if she says its to late, i woul dhave to see her everyday at teh school knowing shes smug coz she turnt me down. i just cant do that.
i know its my own fault, i have been so stupid, i do relise that now, just to little to late

xxx

 

[BubbleOne]

Hey Layla,

Chin Up Honey

I know exactly how you feel about Coby needing you there and looking foward to him going to bed. Phoebe is exactly the same. She won't even let me walk to the bin to put a dirty nappy in without her whinging and often crying even though she can still see me.
It does get me down at times as I just cannot leave her to cry so makes my life very hard work generally.

I have also been getting a bit down lately about the state of my house. Although it isn't a dump at all, it isn't how I want it to be. I physically cannot keep it clean like I used to. And I hate that. If Phoebe would just give me 5mins!! I am too tired to do it in the evenings and refuse to do it on OH's days off because that is our family time.

Why don't you call your friend if you miss her? I know you are pretty stubborn (have said so in a previous post) but if you are punishing yourself by not sorting things out then it's time to drop your guard a wee bit. Maybe things will never be like they used to be between you but it'll be one less thing for you to worry about.

You ARE good enough for Jase and Coby. You make them happy. And from what I know of you, you certainly are not failing in any area of your life.

Keep your chin up

You deserve to be happy

 

[Urchin]

awww hun if she said hello to you today it's not too late. Can you email her? I find it alot better saying all stuff like that in a letter. Just write it all out, and send it off.

Imagine in 5 years time if you'd never done it, you'll always be wondering if you should have, and what you're both missing out on. She sounds like someone you feel stongly about, and surely that's worth a little risk? I bet she's sitting around wondering if she should call you, or will you yell at her down the phone....just call her hun, you won't regret it.

 

[Layla]

i just sent her this...

I really dont know where to start with this so bare with me, its prob not going to make any sense.

I messed up, i know i did, sorry just doesnt seem enough to say to you right now.
when i saw you today at the shop i had to stop myself from crying, i miss you so much laura but coz i know i did wrong i couldnt contact you, i had to carry on with what i did to you.

i was hurt when you got with Lee, but i have always wanted you to be happy and i can see that he does that for you, it was just so weird for me at first after everything that had happend and it was tough on jase seeing and knowing that i was haveing mixed feeligns about your relationship with him.

if you tell me to go to hell then i completely understand, you have a new life now, new job, new friends, and im so chuffed for you, i only wish i could be a part of your life still and share your happness with you.

I know its prob not going to make the slightest bit of diffrence, but im not to great right now, i hvent been for a while, since having Coby my head is fucked, one min im happy, the next im not, for no reason what so ever, i just dont understand it, i have done and said alot of stupid things since having him, not just to you ,but to my family and jase too, god knows why he is still here.

I cant tell him or anyone that im feeling down all the time coz everyone thinks im this perfect mother, esp jase, i dont want to shatter this illusions when i tell him that im not.
your the only person who remotely understands me and ive pushed you away, for that im deeply sorry, truly i am.

im sat here in tears and i know that when you knock this back in my face that i will still have to face you everyday at the school, and that is going to be a big dent to my pride. you know what im like.

things have just got me thinking thats all, silly things, like big brother starting tomorrow, its not going to be the same now i dont have you to laugh over it with. there are a few other things but i cant think of them right now.

i have gone on long enough, i just had to get this out of my system, sorry

again, im so so sorry for walking away from you, im not going to ask you to forgive me, coz i know it is unforgivable. well done about getting your job, im really pleased and proud of you.

hope you have a fantasic future and you get everything that you want and deserve.

I love you hun

xxx




do you think that was ok? god im nervous now, i cant handle it if she tells me to get lost

 

[Urchin]

Layla YOU DID GREAT!

Well done for swallowing your pride and mailing her, stuff like that is never easy.

good luck mate
let us know

(((((HUG)))))

 

[beanie]

Think that was great Layla. I hope you and your mate sort it out hun xxx

 

[Kim]

That's a lovely e-mail and I know I would certainly give you another chance if it were me.

Surely whatever you have done or said, that fact that you have apologised and explained should make it better at least, if not sort it out.

I hope you get the response you are looking for, I know how it feels to lose a friend, it's happened to me before.

In fact you have inspired me to make a post about my own friend trouble at the moment.

Good luck and let us know if you get a reply. x

 

[BubbleOne]

Layla that nearly had me crying

I think it's great that you have sent her that.

I'm really proud of you

It's such a big step in the right direction

WELL DONE YOU

 

[Em78]

Ah Layla, i'm new on here so i dont fully understand whats gone on with your friend but i got the gist and i had to reply cos your email to your friend really got to me

what you sent her was really moving - very honest and brave of you to write it. if someone sent me that i think i dont think i could ever turn them away. the nicest thing is that you are asking nothing of her, that will make it easier for her.

i really hope you sort things out with your friend but i really think you should try to talk to your oh too. he wont think any the less of you if you told him what you've been going through, he'll probably think even more of you for still being such a good wife and mother despite how you've been feeling. trust him to let him help you hun.

sending you a huge hug xxxx

 

[ToriElla]

thats great i'm glad you feel like you wanna sort things out.

has she replied??

 

[Tara & Liam]

did she get the email. can you tell on your computer when an email is read.

i cant blame you for feeling down, yiuve had a hectic year what with getting married, having coby and your nan treating you awful. sometimes everything just catches up on you. i know at times i feel like i hate my hubby when i know you dont.

i think that as laura really knows you then she will fotgive you.

chin up hun

 

[Layla]

she read the email today and came straight over
we just fell in each others arms crying, then we spent the afternoon together.

she says things will and can go back to the way we were but i just fel so bad and guilty that i think it will be hard on my part, i have to make it up to her somehow to be able to feel better myself.

but im really glad i sent teh mail, i have my friend back

xxxx

 

[Urchin]

HOORAAAAAAAAY!


Layla that's FANTASTIC news I'm really pleased for you hun.
Well done for plucking up the courage to write to her!



PS I posted a pic of the babygym thing I told you about in the "house pics" thread Brody still loves it!

 

[Tara & Liam]

yay layla i am so pleased for you.

urchin where do i find that thread about the playgym.

 

[Urchin]

yay layla i am so pleased for you.

urchin where do i find that thread about the playgym.

here!

It's not a great pic of it, and I have hung some extra stuff on it. Honestly though, he is absolutley obsessed with it. I have a different playgym and this one is 10 times better, he's usually so easily distracted and gets frustrated and clingy easily. He'll hapily lie under this for 45 minutes though! It plays tunes and all the things on the top of it move around too

 

[Layla]

funny.........i should be happy now im in still crying, cant seem to stop lately.

i really need to sort Coby out, i cant understand why or how he has got so clingy, this time of the day is manic, he crys none stop untill i pick him up then he stops instantly!
while he is crying im trying to make dinner, wash up, make packed lunchs for the kids, wash, sterolize and make bottles, and today i have the added chore of a pile of washing which im trying to get through.

whie im trying to get all this done the kids sit with coby and try to stop him crying for me, how bad is that? i had to bring up my sister coz my mum was crap and i feel like im doing the same to them now by asking them to look after coby while i get things done.

i know alot of people dont agree with leaving babys to cry, but there really is nothing wrong with him coz the min i unbuckle his straps in his chair he knows im going to pick him up and he stops crying.

by 7 when they all go to bed im shattered, i just feel like i need time out for me, but then i guess as a mum of 3 i wont ever get that.

im only writing this now coz Coby feel asleep, he normaly doesnt so im trying to make the most of the quiet

xx

 

[tracyM]

it's great you've made up

bringing up your sister isn't the same as asking Charlie and Ethan to play with Coby for a little while, if they're anything like mine, they probably love 'being in charge' - the fact that you're thinking of them shows you're a great mum. I've lost track of the number of times mine have come to the rescue when I've needed the loo, Daniel even wants to know when he can babysit during the day - apparantly, babies have great pulling power

I think a lot of babies go through a clingy stage, and they all come out the other side. Alex has taken to whinging and smiling at the same time which drives me insane. I'm trying to get out of the habit of picking him up straight away by stopping him crying before I pick him up. You WILL get me time again, I didn't find 3 any worse than 2, and 4 won't be any worse than 3, it's just the early months are hard work no matter how many you have.

 

[BubbleOne]

Brilliant news Layla

I'm chuffed to bits for you

Enjoy rebuilding your friendship. You'll have a stronger bond in the end