When is the right time??

[sazzleevans]

Hi

I had to be induced on the 18th October to end my pregnancy. I was a little over 21 weeks. My baby had a very serious form of spina bifida.

I just wanted to check with you guys when you think is too soon to start ttc. Most people say you will know when is the right time but how long do you think you should wait??

I have tried to be really relaxed and focused so i can look forward whilst also remembering my little one. I had planned to start ttc when my other half and i are away on hols over New Years Eve. He works away so its really important i know when we start ttc as i have limited time with him. (hes home on weekends only)

My periods came back very easily, touch wood. I had my first period smack on 4 weeks after giving birth and they lasted 7 days as per my usual cycle. I am due to ovulate at the weekend and can feel that starting to happen. I am so pleased as it means all is going back to normal BUT it has given me the urge to start ttc as I really really want to get pregnant.

I dont know if my other half would be happy to start trying so soon and my logic is to wait until New Years Eve after i have had a chance to shed a few pounds but i really want to start trying.... The docs said to wait 3 months....

Just wanted to hear your views on when you were ready etc.

I am also still off work. This is my 6th week. I have a docs note until the 18th December and intend to get another months note to take me to mid Jan. I just want to get back on track. How long have you taken off work??

My gut feeling is take as much time as possible off so that we can get back on track. Even start ttc whilst off work so i am still relaxed. I am a police officer and so if i go back to work will be working 6 days out of 7.

Any views appreciated.

SARAH

 

[Mel_]

Hi Sarah

I totally understand your situation because I had a baby with exactly the same problem that you have mentioned (the lemon shaped head) although they did tell me she wouldnt survive because part of her brain wasnt formed prperly so I had a termination (I was 15 weeks)
This was on 25th May this year. I started taking 5mg folic acid the next day and we were told to wait one cycle before we started trying again.
TBH we kinda started as soon as we could I did bleed quite alot in the first month afterwards so we didnt have alot of chances but we tried and I fell pregnant in early september I think, I am now 15 weeks nearly.
and this baby is due on 25th May 07 (what were the odds), so it took about 3 months which I think is average. But i think so long as you're taking you folic acid (i'm sure your up to your eyeballs in it i know i was) and you feel emotionaly ready then go for it. If your body isnt ready yet then it wont happen until it is I think your body knows when it's time. It will happen and it will be alright.
As for going back to work, I dont really know I think there isnt a right or wrong answer just depends how you feel, is it possible to do part time for a while? would that help?

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

Thank you ever so much for being honest and telling me you that you were in a similar position. It seems that many women do not like to admit to having experineced this. I supose its incase they get judged etc plus its isnt all that common??

I dont know how my oh will take ttc so early as he sticks by the rules and the doc said its best to wait 3 months but i think that is pants. I think its a standard answer to make sure everything goes back to normanl but i feel ready to start now. It sounds a little strange as i have only just lost my last baby but i really want to be pregnant.

I have had one cycle and it was perfect and today as i can feel ovulation starting. My peak will be the weekend when hes at home..... I am up the eyeballs with folic acid but i wasnt sure if you were supposed to take it for longer to make sure the same thing doesnt happen again but i suppose its just a stab in the dark anyway??

Sarah

 

[Mel_]

I'm not ashamed of what I done because I didnt have any choice as far as I'm concerned anything else would have been unfair on me and more importantly on her, but I think your right I havent spoken to anyone else who had the same thing so yeah it is quite rare.
As for waiting for the folic acid I was never told I had to wait 3 months, just one full cycle, but it did take 3 months to happen anyway, so dont be suprised if it takes the same for you (you can get plenty of practice in the mean time )
I know for definate that this baby doesnt have the same thing as it's sister had they checked very very carefully, when everything happend before I was told in any future pregnancy I have I will be pescribed high dose folic acid, and I will have scans every 2 weeks until they are sure everything is ok and I have had that, I know you must be worried about it happening again, and I was too I've never been so scared as I was when I went for a scan at 12 weeks, but it's fine and I have every confidence that it will be for you too, whenever you decide to try again, I know what you mean about being eager to start again, I couldnt think about anything else, it's a very difficult time, but it will pass and when you look back it seems so quick.
I wish you all the luck in the world hunny. If you ever need a chat or want to have a moan or anything feel free to give me a shout as I do understand how your feeling.
XXX
Mel

 

[sazzleevans]

Thanks Mel I appreciate your reply.

My oh just called and i mentioned about trying. He knew i wanted to start trying at Christmas but his reponse was quite a shock!! We have booked to go snowboarding Feb and he seems to think we should wait until after that so the holiday isnt waisted!!!!!!!!! I really couldnt care less if i dont snowboard because if i dont it means i am pg and i would be over the moon. There are 10 people going so its not as if he would be on his own.

I cant believe he even suggested putting it off until after Feb.. I mean i would rather not go on the snowboarding holiday and start ttc!!!!!!

Sarah

 

[Mel_]

Wow dont really know what to say to that.
How has he been feeling? Coz the loss effects the father too (sometimes it's easy to forget that)
Was yor pregnancy planned? Was he happy about it at the time?
This might explain his reaction? He might even think he's being helpful, giving you time to recover.

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi Mel

Yep, pregnancy was planned and very much wanted. We tried for over a year. Had tests the lot.

He really wants another child and has been chatting over the last month about " when we have the baby" which has taken me by suprise. As he only started to get very very excited after 15 weeks or so of the pregnancy.

I think my oh problem is he still thinks he is ten years old and has all the time in the world. Whe in fact hes 40 in December. He works away in the week an most of his friends are in their 20s or my age in their early 30s and i think he sort of fits in with that mind set....if you know what i mean.

I dont think he sees a problem waiting until after feb as its not that far away. Which i suppose it true but i am off work and my whole focus is on getting better, fitter, healthier etc etc so we can have another baby. Taking the time off work is suppose to keep me relaxed so when we try there is more chance.

I am not getting too fixed on it but just having this is keeping me going. I dont think if i didnt catch for a while i would be ott or anything but i do have to start trying so i know i am not waisting time, if you know what i mean.

I dont quite know what to say now....We had talked about ttc at Christmas and he has been fine with it???

Sarah

 

[rach]

sarah i was told to wait 3 months due to emotional reasons by my doctor but i tried straight away and caught after about 2 months it was what i needed to do at the time but now i wish i had maybe waited a month or 2 as this baby is due the week of jamies 1st anniversary and i really dont know how im going to cope emotionally but whatever anyone says you must go with your heart and do what feels right for you
as for time off it was different for me as jamie was born in wk 34 i was still entitled to full maternity leave so didnt have to go back for 6 months but im sure your doctor will give you however much time off you need on the sick just dont try to go back to soon take as much time as you can you have been through the hardest thing you will ever go through in your life nothing is worse than losing your child take as long as you need hun the grieving process is a long one and if you push it you will end up back at square 1
remember we are all here for you should you need us and you should never feel alone hun xxxxxxxxx

 

[Mel_]

I'd like to come up with an amazing pearl of wisdom but there isnt one. Rach is right you know when it's right for you, you just need to try and stay relaxed about it and it will happen when it happens. It's important you talk to eachother and dont keep things bottled up I'm sure he'll understand how you feel.
Rach you said your due in the same week, I'm due on the same day, and I think that's a nice thing really, at first I was a little shocked, but I really hope my baby comes on time it'll be nice to celebrate both my babies birthdays on the same day, even though one of them wont be here I'll never forget about her.

 

[rach]

hi mel thats a nice way to think of things this baby is due on 17th april jamies birthday is 19th i guess what frightens me more than anything is not being able to go to jamies grave on his birthday as i would be in labour and i really dont want anything to stop me spending time at the grave on that day i still spend a lot of time at his graveside just cant deal with losing him at all
my consultant has reassured me that this baby will be born early maybe by c section as soon as this one is big enough and fit enough to be born they will deliver him so as not to risk another still birth
so i will prob have this 1 around the end of march if i can keep him alive that long
to us all and special angel kisses for our special angel babies xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

Thanks girls. I am sorry to hear about all your loss. My goodness life can throw some things at us but it sounds like everyone is muddling along.

I spoke to my OH. I think i went a bit ott. I refused to talked to him for a few hours. His logical answer was that as i had such a difficult pregnancy (i was sick from day 1) He thought i could do with some r & r and by not ttc until the snowboarding hol in Fed I could take part, have a few beers and enjoy a good time away.

I did find this a really stupid answer as to why i should not start ttc but i can see his logic. The only problem is i really want to start ttc again and would love to be pregnant.

I am ov now and hes home for the weekend tomorrow but i think i might wait until we are away over Chritsmas. I will have my next af on 18th December and ov around 3rd Jan. We will be away until the 7th so that should be fine. (oh will be around to do his duty) If i am lucky to get a BFP i will find out around 18th Jan and we go snowboarding on 4th Feb. My logic is if i get lessons in now them i should be ok to snowboard with a BFP as long as i take it easy.

What do you think??

Sarah

 

[gracie]

Just go with what you feel is right in your heart.

I know the girls had already said the same but i just needed to send you some hugs.

 

[Mel_]

Hi Sarah

I think if your happy and your fella is happy to start ttc again, then go for it!
Big hugs to you both