how is everyone?

[Anna Marie]

I know its easy for me to say Kisty as I am not as depressed as you sound but really try to be strong and stay off the pills.. it is a long slippery slope.. you WILL get through this I promise.

The guilt is common.. we are carrying the little beans so are responsible for them.. or at least we feel that we are.. but we cannot control what happens ultimately.. we do our best but sometimes nature takes over and we can do nothing but suffer her wrath.. we have to have faith that nature knows best... my consultant told me that most miscarriages are due to our bodies just not knowing what to do with an embryo.. and that the first pregnancy is a "dress rehearsal".. our body often rejects the first time and then next time realises whats going on and accepts the embryo willingly.. thats why so many women have one m/c and then go on to have healthy pregnancies after..

I love that theory although it is not so good for me as I have had 3 m/c and as Sami will say too no doubt.. some of us are just very unfortunate and unlucky.

Please try to think of the future Kisty.. yes you can concieve.. so there is hope.. that is a great start.... your body will know now what to do and hopefully will embrace the next pregnancy... but if you are not ready your body will not be either.

The numbness is totally natural.. you are just feeling so lost and alone.. it will pass but not yet.. try to keep yourself busy with TV, books, nothing to do with pregnancy or babies if possible!!!! I read 9 books in 3 weeks!! You must allow yourself to be upset and let it out in tears or rant and rave if necessary... thats what we are here for.

Sorry if I am not being much help but even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.. we will try our best to help you xxxxxx

 

Hi Kirsty, the reason I won't go on tablets is because I was put on them at 13, by 15 I was on high doses of 2 types, and the times I tried to wean myself off them I got worse before better, but I never lasted more than a week.
There are different types out there and they say you cannot get 'addicted' to them, but to me, a drug you have to wean yourself off of and go through a worse time before it gets better, sound like an addiction to me.
The hurt is so bad after losing a baby, I can relate especially to losing one young, I was 18 when I lost my first pregnancy, and my second. I have been given many theory's why it happened but the one I have come to terms with is that it wasn't the right time for me and things happen for a reason. This is how I am trying to deal with my loss now.
ou are doing well hun, you are speaking about how you feel and beleive me that isn't always easy. I hid away for a few days, even from the forum, because I was struggling.
Never blame yourself for losing the baby - easy for me to say when I know I have had the same thoughts, but honestly, don't. It isn't anything we did to lose the babies, sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
You will one day have a beautiful baby in your arms. It seems may years from now, but you'll get there, sooner than you think.

Thinking of you xxxx

 

[kisty2006]

Hi,

I got to bury my little bean on Saturday. I had choosen a rose bush from a website that my dad had shown me and he said they were going to plant it in his/her memory. When it came to planting it my mum gave me a jar containing my litttle been, I just spent ages crying and holding it and showing him/her the places round the garden. I choose a sunny spot that's nice and will be able to go there and spent time with my baby when i feel sad. I didn't know my mum had kept the wee bean after it had passed through. I feel better that I got the chance to say goodbye to my little bean and all the emotions I'd been bottling up came flooding out.
I've been to see the doc again and he has put up my dosage for my antidepressants and they seem to be working, I'm sorry anna marie and sami but I'm not strong enough to get through this without them. My period is due this week and I know it's going to be though over the next few days but I feel I can move on now I've said goodbye to my baby.

Kirsty

 

[LucyBee]

Kirsty, I'm so sorry for you. Don't feel bad about taking the antidepressants. As Sami said, there are lots of different kinds and you can talk to you doctor when you feel ready to come off them and he will help you reduce down the dosage so you don't feel side effects.
Please don't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault, just natures way of telling you that your bean wasn't ready. If you can take something positive out of this then it's to know that you can get pregnant and so, at some stage when you're feeling better, you can try again.
You are grieving now and it's natural to feel the way you are feeling. I know this sounds crazy but it's a healthy and good thing that you are feeling these things because it means you are properly dealing with it and, one day, will be able to look back at this time and feel sadness but strength and positivity.
In the meantime, we're all here and it really did help me to talk to others on here who have been through the same thing and to learn that you will come out of the other side.
I love the idea of your rosebush. That's the sweetest thing and a perfect way to remember.
Sami, thank you for your little note. It means a lot.
Anna Marie, hope you're doing well.
Lots of love to you all.
Lx

 

[Anna Marie]

Kisty.. Lucy has said it all...

dont feel bad.. you did NOTHING wrong.. and yes the anti-depressants will help you and thats a good thing.. do what you need to do to get through this tough time.

The rosebush is a lovely way of remembering your bean.. everytime it buds and blossoms you will see the beauty and remember and each day it will get easier I promise!

I hope that saying goodbye has helped bring a little closure to the sadness.. great that you have so much support from your family.. let all the pain out and share it.... soon it will lessen and you will be ready to try again and hopefully join us again with good news of a BFP when you are ready to go down that road...

In the meantime.. as Lucy and others said.. we are here.. lean on us if you need to.. take care hun xxxx

Lucy.. - I am fine thanks although still a bit black and blue from my fall but still hearing Bod's heartbeat every night with my doppler so have my daily dose of reassurance! xxx

 

[muminseptember]

it has been now about 7 months sincei lost my son and now i am 6 months pregnant next week. i still miss him, but i will never forget about him. whenmy son is older enough i will tell him he wud of had a brother, but i wouldnt of had my curretn baby. my son is due in september and i am looking forward to it