how is everyone?

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by s, Mar 6, 2006.

  1. s

    s Well-Known Member

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    How are you all coping? It's been a while since I've been on. It's nearly a month since my miscarriage and I'm doing great. Seems like a distant memory now. Going back to work really helped. I know it's not that easy for everyone and I really genuinely hope you're all okay.
    It's a hell of a tough time.
    Best wishes and good thoughts.
    My period is due to start at the end of the week. Kind of tempted to start again, even though I shouldn't really. You just want to replace the loss though don't you?
    S
     
  2. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Hi S, glad to see you are back, and I am pleased you are doing so well.

    I'm sure you will know when your body is ready to try again, but in the meantime, don't be a stranger! :D
     
  3. kisty2006

    kisty2006 Active Member

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    Hi S,

    I'm still not coping very well, it's been over a week since I miscarried and finding it hard to deal with. The doc has given me antidepressants and tehy have help me a bit, can't stop blaming myself for whats happened. Glad you are feeling better though.

    Kirsty
     
  4. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hi S,

    So good to see you back and feeling positive and OK!!

    If your AF arrives on time and seems normal [not heavier than usual] then you probably can try again if you want to... my only advice would be to consider it for the right reasons.. sadness and loss are the mains one of course but as you will know I got my BFP 3 months after m/c last year and even though I was very happy I was also distraught as it felt just too soon and emotionally I just was not ready and as a result I have not enjoyed this pregnancy at all due to anxiety and worry.

    So.. do what is right for you.. its great that you feel so good so soon.. it is a horrible time and very glad that you are moving on.

    take care and keep in touch


    Kisty, I am so sorry to hear you are still feeling so desolate.. to be honest a week is still so recent.. I was still in so much pain and bleeding so much for 3 weeks when i m/c in August so it took me about 3-4 weeks to feel able to go out and see friends etc I just could not face the world. Once the physical side was easier the emotional pain seemed to get worse.. almost as if I was dealing with one at a time.

    We all do what we have / need to do in certain tragic circumstances.. don't rush yourself and please don't blame yourself... we all do but it does not help the healing / grieving process and as I have written above.. the guilt and blame make it so much harder to move on..

    Take care of yourself and remember that old cliche.. time is a great healer.

    xxxxx

    xxxx
     
  5. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    Anna Marie, I think you've said it all! You're so good!
    It's about 8 months now since I miscarried I think and there are still times now when I have a cry about it.
    No matter how far along with your pregnancy you were, it's still such a loss and you have to grieve for that like with any other loss so never feel bad for that.
    The one positive thing that I took from my m/c was knowing that I was able to get pregnant in the first place so that means we can all do it again when we're ready.
    Fingers crossed for everyone and thinking of you all too.
    Lucyx
     
  6. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hey Lucy,

    I often wonder about you.. how r u doing?
    Are you actively ttc again or just taking things as they come your way?
    It is so natural to still grieve.. our little bean would have been born around 12th March so OH and I will have a sad day on Sunday.. weird thing is it is the anniversary of OH's dad's death too. I think it is important to mark anniversaries of sad occasions as well as happy ones.. we have to deal with past sadness in order to move on.

    I guess I became a bit frantic about ttc after my m/c only to be told I couldnt try for a while cos they found a polyp and cervical problems.. I had to wait til after a hysteroscopy and colposcopy so I was really down for a while.. kept thinking I would never have children but you are so right.. the fact that we can conceive is a major step in the right direction and as soon as my polyp was dealt with I got my BFP!! So yes you are right.. there is hope for everyone who has suffered a m/c [or several in my case!]

    Of course I worry every day that this bean will not make it and I drive my OH mad with it but we all have our own issues.. I will deal with mine as I can...

    take care Lucy and stay positive.. x
     
  7. amy

    amy Well-Known Member

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    im getting there, my period is due soon i hope :shock: i still think what would have been if i was still pregnant. hope everyone is ok, xxxxxxxxx amy xxxxxx
     
  8. kisty2006

    kisty2006 Active Member

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    Anna marie, Thanks for your concern. I feel the same way you did as I'm still in pain and bleeding, I just wish it would go away. I can't face talking to anyone face to face outside my parents and don't feel like to anything
     
  9. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Its perfectly natural to feel that way Kisty.. I couldn't even talk to my family or even my OH about how I felt.. I just could not put it into words.. In a way the physical pain helped me deal with it as it gave me something to focus on and I felt as if it was my punishment for whatever it was I did to cause the m/c.. I know its crazy but somehow the pain made the mental pain less as I just could not deal with both at the same time. It wasn't until my AF arrived 4 weeks after that I really let it all out emotionally... I was bottling it all up and then suddenly I let it all out.. better late than never I suppose.

    You have to go with how you feel.. we all react differently.. whatever works for you will get you through.. if you don't feel like talking about it then don't.. if you do.. we are all here to help :wink:
     
  10. kisty2006

    kisty2006 Active Member

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    Hi,

    I think I need to talk to people about how i'm feeling as I finding it difficult to cope with the whole experience. I'm try to deal with the both sets of pain at once and feel I would benefit from people who have gone through this, I'm not an emotionally strong person and the slightest thing just makes me burst into tears at the moment.

    Kirsty
     
  11. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    Hi Anna Marie,
    So nice to read your lovely message!
    I'm good. We are TTC and have been for a while now. Every month is full of expectation and, so far, disappointment but we have high hopes!
    Our baby would've been here on the 8th Feb and I had a tough time that week so I will be thinking of you over the weekend. Generally I'm fine though just every now and again I have a weep but I think that's pretty normal!
    So happy for you that you got your BFP and bean is on his/her way!
    Kirsty, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. It's a terrible time and all I can say is that you do come through it. This forum was (and is) so helpful to me when I was going through the same thing so you are doing the right thing in posting and talking.
    Lots of love to both of you,
    Lx
     
  12. Guest

    It might be a bit selfish of me to be here as I have Damien and wasn't ttc'ing but I'm still not getting over losing the baby last week. In fact I'm not coping at all. I broke down in tears to Damien's HV breifly yesterday about it and she says I need to see the doctor for some help with coping. I'm scared of seeing my GP and them putting me back on anti-depressants - it took me so long to wean myself off them from when I was 13. Plus I moved when I was pregnant and my GP doesn't 'know' me. My old GP knew me so well i culd tell him anything but I find it hard to trust doctors now. I've also spent the last couple of nights at my mum's as me and Mark have not been getting on well (probably stress) and Damien has been ill and not been sleeping, along with everything else wrong with him. I was coping fine but losing this baby was the final straw. Mark now doesn't want anymore children and to be honest I don't think I could risk going through losing a 4th baby, so at this rate Damien will be an only child.
    Sorry to have a massive moan, I needed to get it out and didn't know where else to :(
    I really hope you get your BFP Lucy - I know it's tough seeing your due date fly past you thinking what could have been, you'll get there, I'm keeping positive for you. You deserve it.
     
  13. s

    s Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies. Sorry to hear that some of you are struggling but Sami and Kirsty your loss has been so recent so it's understandable that you feel low.
    Kirsty, I have to tell you that I was a basket case the second week. I was okayish the first week as I had the physical pain to distract me but the second week I felt angry, tearful, devastated, okay, in control, out of control - every emotion under the sun. It was only the 3rd week that I started to feel myself again and I found that going back to work was a real tonic for me. Talking to friends and family really helped and I'm quite a private person. Speak to people if you can. For some reason I'm just looking forward now and excited about TCC again.
    Anna Marie &Tankett, lovely to hear from you both. I hope all is okay with you guys.
    3rd time pregnant, so glad to hear you are okay as you went through so much physical pain recently.
    And LucyBee your day is on it's way. I'm sure of it.
    Take care all,
    S
     
  14. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    Awww Sami, I'm so sorry you're feeling rotten but it's totally understandable. Your body and brain must just be getting used to having Damien around and then you have to cope with another m/c on top of that. Your hormones must be all over the place. It's all still so recent so you're bound to feel sad. I'm sending you a big cuddle and am thinking about you. I think you're right to try and avoid the anti-depressants if you can. I took them for a while and had terrible trouble coming off them too. Best thing is to talk about it a lot - that always helps. St John's Wort is good too but not sure if you can take that if you're breastfeeding.
    Thanks Sami, S, and Anna Marie for your lovely positive messages!
    Am thinking about all of you.
    Lx
     
  15. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,

    Lucy I am amazed at your positivity.. keep it up and hopefully it will rub off on everyone else that needs a bit of a lift at the mo! You will get there and you will be so ready and able to cope when you do.. :wink:

    Kisty.. hang in there.. it DOES get easier.. as you can tell from those of us who have experienced this sadness in the past.. time is a healer but you must talk about it ... that has always been my problem and thanks to everyone on this forum I have managed to be more open and honest about my feelings.. probably bore everyone senseless with my endless posts on here.. but it does help.. I don't have anyone close to me to talk to.. all friends and family live far away and so OH gets all the stress.. without this forum I don't know what I would have done.. so LEAN on us and talk away!!

    Sami.. you are not selfish at all.. my heart goes out to you.. I know what a horrible time you are having.. seems things are just going to be tough for a while.. hang in there.. it is such a new thing being a mum and after all that you and Mark have been through it must be a very anxious time for you both.. so many women feel this way and at least you are able to express your concerns and feelings.. not sure about the anti-depressants.. if you feel strong enough to stay off them I would as it is a hard habit to break as you already know.. having a newborn must be so tough and then to suffer a loss so soon.. it must be devastating so don't be too hard on yourself - you need time and probably a bit of space.. I am sure you and Mark will ride through all of this but just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you do as denial will only make things worse and sounding off to us is a good place to start.. so keep it up.. we're here and up for it!! Take care of yourself xx

    S.. glad to hear you are over the worst and are beginning to feel more positive... good luck ttc again and hope that you don't have to wait too long!

    take care everyone!!xx
     
  16. kisty2006

    kisty2006 Active Member

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    Thanks for your supportive comments but I'm finding it hard to put into words how I feel, I have all this pain inside me and can't talk to anyone. I've been put on anti-depressants but they are not helping me at the moment, I have just given up on everything. I don't wash, my hairs a mess and have been wearing the same clothes for the past two weeks. Everyone else on the forum seems to be strong about their miscarriage and I just feel and look a mess.
    I want to talk to someone but don't know where to start, I feel worse this week than what I did last week.

    Kirsty
     
  17. Guest

    Hi hun sorry you still feel so bad.
    Your tablets will take a few weeks to kick in and work so keep taking them to build up the effect, they will start to help soon.
    I may seek positive sometimes about my m/c or sound like I'm over it, but to be honest it has really messed me up and I'm cracking inside. I've been told by Damien's HV to go back to the doctors as I have depression/PND signs and need to be helped through with it. But I refuse tablets for my own reasons and I have a hard time trusting doctors/ Health proffessionals so I'm a bit stuck.
    We're all here to listen when you're having a tough day sweetie.

    Sending you a big big hug xxx
     
  18. Guest

    Thank you so much for your kind message Anna Marie and Lucy.

    You two are both such sweet souls and I wish you all the happiness in the world, goodness knows you both deserve it.

    ((((((HUG))))))) to everyone xxx
     
  19. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Kisty.. tell us exactly how you feel.. aside from the physical pain what emotions are going through your mind? I felt so desolate, just lost, alone, guilty, angry, distraught and sooo sooo scared that I would never be a mum. Do any of those ring any bells?
    Don't worry about your hair or your clothes.. I lived in my pj's and never left my house.. apart from in the garden to let the dog out.. I would not answer my phone or talk to anyone.. I just could not explain it all and felt that even if I did no-one would understand.. because I could not understand myself. I just felt so utterly alone and empty. The guilt made me angry and hate myself.. all so futile but just couldn't help feeling that way. As it had been my 3rd m/c it was the most poignant as I really was ready and with OH who I wanted a family with.. it hurt even more than the other m/c's.. so much more.

    Please talk to us... just open up and hopefully we can help. xxxx

    Sami.. you are doing so well.. I hope that having Damien around you is helping you see that there is hope and a future that is going to be so bright for you.. whether or not you have anymore children is something to deal with as and when you have to.. just get through the next few months first.. then it will all fit into place I am sure of it.xxxx
     
  20. kisty2006

    kisty2006 Active Member

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    Anna Marie,

    I feel the emotions you mentioned, everytime I try and talk to my mum I just break down and start crying. I hate myself and feel everytings my fault that I didn't take better care of my baby and it's now been taken away. I look down at my belly that still looks as though I'm pregnant but know nothings inside me. I feel numb after everythings that's happened to me and I can't see anyway out of the way I feel, I'm so depressed and unhappy. I just wanted this baby

    I'm so scared about taking the antidepresants because I've read a few of you have had trouble coming off them, I don't want to end up dependant on them.

    Kirsty
     

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