whats wrong with me?

[charlie_chalk]

im soooooooo unhappy. this should be a special time but im ruining it.
for roughly about a 1 1/2yrs my mood swings have grown worse. im messing up my realationship with my fiance and now today he has had enough and thinking of leaving. he has said he doesnt want to leave as he really does love me and wants us all to be a family, but he cant live like this anymore. i go mad at the slightest little thing. i get in a strop if oh wants to visit a mate, or he has a few pints after work and i constantly think he is lying and cheating on me even though i know he isnt. at the start of our realationship things were great we did our own things we could come and go as we pleased. but now for some reason i hate the fact he isnt at home with me, i feel as if he dont want me when he goes. people i have spoken to lately think its pnd (i suffered this after having my 1st child 6yrs ago) but it cant be. i have been to the drs while i was pregnant but all he said was it was my hormoanes. i dont know what to do im gonna go back to the drs, but i have a feeling he gonna but it down to pnd but i know its more than that.

im really stuck i dont know what to do. sometimes i feel i dont wanna be here and that my kids will be better off without me, they dont need to see us at each other all the time or see there mum crying every 5 mins. im not going to do anything silly and i wouldnt ever leave them i just feel that their lives will be better.

sorry for going on i dont know who else to talk to, all you guys are so nice, and i just needed a bit of a moan..... sorry!!!!

 

[Layla]

(((((((((((((((((((((hun)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

so sorry your feeling like this, it sounds like depression to me and the fact that you just had a baby has prob made it worse with all the hormones etc.
I suffered with bad depression a few years ago, i had teh same thought as you "my kids will be better off without me" but trust me, they wont, they need there mummy, even if she does cry alot.

when you go back to teh docs, insit that he does something, tell him you felt like this before the pregnancy, that way he cant just blame it on PND.

if you can help it, try not to let him put your on anti depressants tho, they are no good in the long run.

I had counciling and went to suport groups, i didnt want to go at all, i hated it at first, but they really did help me, made me see that my problems stemed from my childhood, and then i was able to address them, deal with them, then lay them to rest and move on.

this prob hasnt been much help to you i know, but i just wanted to let you know that your not on your own, i can relate to how you are feeling and im sure many others can.

good luck at the docs, dont let him fob you off!

any time you need to talk, cry and let off steam, we are all here for you

xx

 

[charlie_chalk]

thanks layla.

no i dont want the dr to give me pills i had them when i had pnd last time and too be honest i dont think anything like that works. im not gonna let him fob me off though. i need someone to talk too, some one who doesnt know me or is gonna judge me. i feel such a bad person. i love my oh to bits he knows i do. i loved him for almost 11yrs now. we were together when we were 16 split after 2 yrs now we have been back together for 2yrs 2morrow. im willing to try anything to save our realationship and our family.

i think or should i say i know its my own insicurities (sorry spelling) that are causing the problems, i justneed to deal with them.

thanks
xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[BubbleOne]

Hey Charlie,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. Maybe it isn't pnd but Baby Blues? I was a wreck until Phoebe was about 4weeks old although I never worried about OH doing anything because I wouldn't let him leave my side!! Bless Him. Having a baby, as you know, is really hard babe. You probably don't feel great and don't feel very attractive so you keep thinking OH must be thinking the same so he must be cheating (even though you know he's not).
And I get moody when OH goes out too!! He want's to go Golf on Wed but he is on holiday from work so I think he should be with me and Phoebe but at the same time he needs a break (as long as he'll have Phoebe oneday so that I can have a few hours out too). I'm going to let him go but will be annoyed if he tee's off at 8am and doesn't get home until 4pm (like he did when I was 8mths pregnant and on the sofa with the flu!!).
Have you considered going on the pill? Not sure if you're on it or not but that really sorted out my emotions.
May be worth asking your GP about that.
The fact that you have been feeling like this for about a year and a half makes it a little different though. Have you had a bad relationship before? Did someone you previously loved cheat on you or hurt you? Maybe it stems from the past somewhere?
I don't think you are clinicly depressed but I have never suffered with depression so wouldn't be the best person to ask.
PM me honey if you want to chat xxx